Nice and high and far apart
Just like they said
I built this place with broken parts
Just like they said
You chip away the old version of you
You'd be surprised at what you can do
I'm safe in here
Irrelvant
Just like they said

My voice just echoes off these walls
My voice just echoes off these walls

You feel me breathe
I am watching you
I see it all
The many ways you can get to me
I see them all
I see the hell you put yourself through
All the things I could do
(if I wanted to)

My voice just echoes off these walls
My voice just echoes off these walls
I don't need anything at all
My voice just echoes off these walls

And I just slowly fade away
And I just slowly fade away
And I just slowly fade away

Fade

Fade

Fade

Fade

Fade

Fade

Fade

You will never ever ever ever get to me in here
You will never ever ever ever get to me in here
You will never ever ever ever get to me in here
You will never ever ever ever get to me in here

Link

time's up.


You could have stopped this. why didn't you?



I cannot tell you how much i wanted this to go otherwise.


But time is not our friend these days.


I must make decisions. Ones i wanted to make otherwise, but your continued silence has forced me to make on my own. desisions i never wanted to make. You could have changed it all. and you didn't. did i really matter that little to you? can we really not exist outside of that litle realm we once lived in? Even now, i cannot believe it. It could have went otherwise. But...

things have gome terribly wrong. And i still have questions that i will probably never have answered. god, why? why after so long must i return to this? what did i do that was so wrong? i know i wasn't perfect, but i had my reasons. None of this ever had to come to be.

The plan got fucked up.

the plan. heh. the plan. we always plan but it never comes to be.


couldn't even take the time to tell me that you wouldn't be over.

I am undone. All that i hoped. all that i needed. gone. like so much ashes and dust. like all i have ever known i should be used to this by now

how easy it is for me to slip back into this mode. one i hoped never to have to come to again becuase i thought this time it would be different. so much for thinking. can't believe i thought it would be. after all i done to try.

I moved away for love.

And now....

oh.


and now.


i needed this so much. i needed to believe that it was finally going to go in my favor for once. OH SO FUCKING SAPPY YOU PUSSY ASSED FUCKTARD NOTHING EVER'S GOING TO CHANGE YOU AREN'T MEANT FOR THIS



So what?


what is there left?

Go back to everything you hate?

Reign in hell, rather than serve in heaven?

Aye.


You have no choice. fate has said so. no one cares enough to help you try otherwise. it's your fucking responsibility anyway. you fucking pussy.

imagine that. bested by a vegan faggot. oh, buster. buster, buster, buster.....


oohhh look i'm so different becuase i'm 36 fucking years old and into all kinds of cool indie shit BECAUSE I CAN'T GROW UP AND BE A FUCKING MAN. I HAVE TO HAVE A CADRE OF WOMENS TELLING ME HOW COOL I AM AND YET STILL BE SO FUCKING UNHAPPY. yeah. running home. you fucking won you four-eyed, tie-wearing, i'm so smarter than everyone else 36 GOING ON 16 FUCKHOLE.

you took everything that mattered to me away with your goddamned self-serving, Spoiled little bitch neuroses.


WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU?

you hated me and never even knew me


So fucking unhappy with yourself you gotta wreck other's lives?

I hold you indirectly responsible for this failure,

I have my faults, no doubt. YOU sure as fucking shit didn't make it any easier. why, seriously? WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU?

if you were a real friend, you would have never been like this, making it harder for your "friend". tell me, don't you still have a thing for her? that's the only thing i can come up with that would explain you acting the way you have... yelling at her for me contacting you when you could have easily said no i don't feel comfortable doing that....Getting into an arguement on thanksgiving over the fact that i was moving up here becuase you thought i would be taking her away from you. if you wuld have got to know me you would have seen i wouldn't have done that in any sort of lifetime. ever.

you'll never see this probably, becuase you're the type that would pull that kind of faggotry. as you already have.

God. you really lose out to a some real winners, yea? what makes you think you are worth it? such a whiny pussy can't even take care of yourself. gotta run home, lick your wounds and seethe.



i hate you....i hate you all





I'm gonna fill myself up with so much hatred

and so much rage

no one will ever get in again

no one




As for you.

Southern illinois.

oh. you... such a special place in my fucked up blacked out heart.

you tried to kill me slowly. twenty-plus fucking years you tried with all your fucked up status quo ways. Me and my family.

and you couldn't. we kept on. i held out. I FUCKING SURVIVED YOU PIECES OF SHIT. I'M STILL FUCKING HERE, ASSHOLES. I'M STILL HERE.

Most are all too willing to go out on thier knees, begging.

not me.



my time up here has changed me vastly.

they tried to kill me too, you know... with thier own brand of poison. much stronger. much more potent than you culd ever imagine.

They failed. Just like you did. you and your "oh we're so genteel but really we're just as wicked as anyone else but we're more sly about it" bullshit. I'm calling you the fuck out.


I'm coming back. soon.

So prepare, southern illinois, prepare. Your bastard son is returning, knowing the true meaning of being a Destroyer. and he has grown intolerant of your good 'ol boy faggotry.


I am born again in the fires of vengeance.

Hated.

Retribution.

you're gonna kill me standing on my own two feet, kicking and screaming.

Nothing is set in stone
there is still time
but you will
have to
fight.

Please
for once
don't stand still
and let this pass
If i do matter to you




Challenge. Fate.



You are not wasted time

No matter how much you think it's the right and only thing to do, This isn't the answer.

It dosen't have to be this way and you know it.

I have a serious ethical and moral dilema.

ever since I have been up here, I have been on the edge of disaster, always wondering about jobs and whatnot. my Rent raised recently and I have lost my job and I am paying bills by the Squeaky wheel method and am wondering when I'm going to finally be kicked out of the apartment. One of the few luxuries I have had since moving up here is getting a daily paper from the papergirl in one of the other complexes.

Yesterday, the papergirl came by to collect for the last 2 months. Normally I pay in cash and toss her a 5 buck tip, because I know paper routes tend to suck and it's hard to get a route as a kid these days. I feel for her, I really do, but I am just about broke and am at the point where I can't even afford a goddamn paper subscription. I tell her I don't have any cash on me and ask her to wait while i run to my bank's ATM, which is a bullshit lie becuase my account is empty and there's no way i'm getting charged overdraft fees.

So when I came back, she was still waiting outside my complex. I told her that the Machine said I Had Drawn my limit for the day, and for her to come back tomorrow and I will have the cash for her.

She gives me this weird look. and says something to the effect of "Maybe we can work something out", Obviously not those exact words, but to be honest I have a hard time remembering what she did say becuase she hooked her thumbs in her jeans and pulled them down like a half inch or so. I'd almost swear there was shitty 70's porn music somewhere far off in the background. She then handed me the daily paper and walks away back to her apartment. As she is leaving, she rubs her hands on her ass and looks back at me for a very long second. At this point I'm going "Fuck. Holy fuck." Mind is a racing. A million miles a minute. I mean, she is only fifteen years old and The girlfriend is coming over in about an hour, but...

I dunno.

It is, what I would most definately call a loaded situtation, so I'm turning to you guys for a lil poll on my dilemma: In the paper she gave me, I found a coupon for two free sides with any 10 piece order at Popeye's. Is it okay for me to redeem this coupon, knowing that I will probably never pay my paper bill?

heh.

And I've been putting out the fire
With gasoline