Earth Day is upon us, and some of you may not be aware that this ode to environmentalism is officially "Over the hill" this year. make sure you are up to speed with what you can do to help out Mother Earth this year. Here, i wrote a list, not influenced at all by Alcohol WHATSOEVER.


Awesoem ways to celebrate Earth day 40. By Livingdead, a true American.


Dispose of waste properly... out the car window.

chop down a tree

Huff xylene and then dump it in a creek

Dynamite fishing

Eat a bunch of hamburgers, like 60 of them

Throw away 57 hamburgers after a couple of bites

Shoot deer, take antlers, leave the corpse to rot

Smoke an Asbestos Joint (woohoo 4/20+2! Duuuude.)

Make a hairspray blowtorch

Burn a bunch of foam cups with your awesome hairspray blowtorch

Make a Slayer/Tupac Mashup CD, play it at full volume and hope the resonance kills some bacteria or something

Wrestling contest/Wet t-shirt party with 10 W40

Light a candle and read with it. get pissed off, and turn on every light in the house

Flush your toilet every 30 mintues

Buy a SUV and run over a bunch of CFL bulbs on the beach

Attach a Buick v8 engine to a chainsaw, rename it Fucksaw. (thanks cracked!)

Make a "HAPPY EARTH DAY TWO THOUSAND AND TEN" poster, using one piece of bleached white paper for every letter

Send some old electronics to a third world country

Buy a pint of Zebra Mussels and chuck them into your river

Spray for honey Bees

Make a Coffee Mug out of Depleted Uranium and give it to a friend

Turn your Heater to 88(FUCK YEAH SOME RACE DRIVER WHOOO), or your AC to 55(WHOOO SOME OTHER RACE DRIVER WHOO TOBY KIETH!)

and most importantly, remember: Holidays are about forcing everyone to do the same thing. Make sure you do your part.

Enough of the Lovecraftian horror that awaits us all in the end. though you may want to use "fit to width" in your browser for a little while till that little entry scrolls off becuase i'm too lazy to actually make it fit to where it dosen't break my page. I know, I'm an asshole.

Fallout 3. Finished the good guy scenario. soon it will be time to replay, this time Killing every fucking thing in my path. fuck yeah.

Slumdog Millionaire. Watch it if you haven't already.



A recurring role within my circle is to Play the part of the dissenting voice in just about everything, because I tend to be a jackass. I also like to think that i'm playing a pivotal role, kinda like how someone should have said "hey, this might be a bad idea..." when the Nazi's thought up the cunning plan to commit Genocide. I'm the dissenting Nazi. Except I love black people or jews or whatever LOOK i just play Germany in Axis and Allies, okay? it dosen't MEAN anything!

Thius differs from my other role, where I play the part of a Weirdo(which i do very fucking well, thank you) My priimary role here is like thus: I introduce something completely illogical, attempting to entrap you(the friend) into a Weapons-Grade Retarded conversation. I logically argue the illogical and imaginative. much more fun to me than postulating actual scientific theories.

Anyway. So, as the wet blanket, I take my role very seriously. i tend to take it to an extreme with T-man, disagreeing with Anything he says. he says the sky is blue, i'll argue that it's fucking green becuase of global warming or something equally retarded. even if it's something i previously agreed with the very sentance before and he agrees with it, I will immediately reverse my stance, just to ensure that i disagree with him. It tends to provoke an equally hilarious(to me) reaction from him. In effect, i'm an asshole of a friend.

I do this for a reason.

Once in a while, I will agree with him, just to fuck up the program and to show that I'm not a total curmudgeon.

The last time i did this was with Kings of Leon. I kept downplaying them and basically saying that thier music is retarded, which nearly got my nose broke a few times by a beer mug(I may also be embellishing, you can never tell with tricksy 'lil me).

Then one day, out of the apparent blue, i texted Tman with "Okay, so that one KOL song IS kinda cool."

Only I never got a response. I laid myself out there, sharing a private moment with him digitally, only to not get my own sort of release(good god that sounds horrible).

This will not do.

I MUST provoke a response.

So. I will say it again. FOR ALL THE FUCKING WORLD TO SEE. JUST FOR YOU.

Kings of Leon has a good Song. maybe two.

Also, Dream Theater.

And maybe The START.

And Nelly, too.

And some Band that Timbo likes, too. So you don't feel left out.

Why the fuck not, right?



Been that gypsy
Touch me I'll show you tricks with my zig zag quickly

I Ran away. Far far away. I started working in China to make enough cash to do whatever I was going to do back in america. Figure out my next step, whatever you want to call it. and then, you and my mom came to visit me. She even brought over her van and we rode around on it.

We went out one night, just me and you. Had a decent little dinner and took a walk upon the riverside. We had a long talk about what went wrong, do we want to fix it, are we better off, et cetera.

"You should come back to the states. You're needed there. Your mom needs you. There's jobs there now. And... I need you there. " You said.

"I want to come back, but cannot do this without you. Why do you need me there?"

"Because we once had something great."

"Once."

"Yes, once. And I think, if we both work at it, it can happen again. And i crave that so much. It just hasn't been the same since. Nothing has." your eyes flit over the riverside.

"No, it hasn't."

We continued to walk along the river quietly, thinking about what has been said. We ran into one of my Exes, who was over in China as well. She got out of her Yugo, and you said under your breath "Is this going to be a problem?"

"No." I said back. "That already ran it's course." I said hi to her, how are you doing, great to see you, well gotta go. It was pleasant and (thankfully) quick.

I kissed you goodbye at the harbor, and said i will see you soon. A kiss that burned until I set foot back onto State ground.

For some reason, you were living in the far end of Missouri. And when I got there, there was a...problem. You were with a guy. or, a guy was living with you.

"It has run it's course." you said. "it's basically done, he just dosen't know it yet."

He was tall, lanky, Redneckish, Not your type(then again, I tend to think no one but me is your type). Pleasant on the surface. Was okay with me being around. On the surface.

We were going to take a shower together at your house. We got as far as your underwears before something else came up. I think the guy saw me and you in your large bathroom and for some reason, didn't have a problem with that. But, something did come up, and the shower scene was cancelled (I can't even have sex in my goddamned dreams. Awesome). You got dressed and headed into the living room. I hungout there for a while, trying to digest all of this and thinking maybe you would come back into the bathroom.

Then I did come out, and we started watching cartoons on your tv. we sat close while your whatever he was was in the kitchen. At one point, I caressed your arm, looking longingly into your eyes. I started to say "I miss you" but you cut me short.

"I can't have you doing that, yet." you said. "I got to deal with him first. he knows you have a thing for me, and it's going to cause problems. I promise, this is the last, the last time you'll have to see him." you nodded to me.

"Alright, fine. I need to get my resume ready, anyway."


Just then, the guy stormed by, glaring at me. I get up and follow him into the kitchen.

You know.."He started, Pulling a kitchen chair around, sliding it harshly into my legs to punctuate this coming threat. " Taking you outside and smashing THIS into YOU Would feel SO good right now! Give me one reason I SHOULDN'T!"

You came running into the kitchen, running up to him. "baby" you said ,Planting a kiss onto his Lips to placate him. he responded by poking you harshly in the stomach, pushing you away from him so he can face me.

"Because it will accomplish nothing." I replied ina calm, predator-at-rest tone. "you're playing a game you've already lost. Possessiveness will not earn you favor with her."

"How the FUCK do you Figure That?" he spittled back at me, your eyes darting back and forth between us.

"Because not too long ago, it didn't work for me either..."



Then I woke up.


And then you're everybody's satellite
I wish that you were mine

I want to show you another game called Pandemic 2. I played the original before. This one allows you to evolve your own virus and destroy the world without all those pesky Crimes against Humanity charges. The Realistic mode, however, is a bitch.

I really only wanted to update becuase I want you to understand why this comic is fucking hilarious. You will once you play the game.

My Internet Lawyer, decided to take a more progressive stance. I would suggest those of you that play do the same(lol, jail). becuase apparently Madagascar(and maybe Indonesia, when they're on the fucking ball) is the only hope if the world ever gets a case of the Captain Tripps.



What seems important won't last forever

Sort of a twofer here. Consider it a "thank you" of sorts for keeping me in 'tha bidness'.

In the post before last, I unapolgetically bashed a certain emerging trendographic, focusing upon shirts this time. it led to me getting this message:

SAH0077:Would it be ironic 2 wear an american thunder shirt?

LD: no. just trashy.

If you don't know what an American Thunder t-shirt is, that's okay. it may have been a rural/regional thing. I really didn't want to go into detail explaining it, but since google isn't going to tell you anything, i guess it's up to xoxxed dot com to become the internets authoriy on American Thunder T shirts. Oh, the things I'm willing to associate my website for your knowledge, internet.

An american thunder T shirt was a popular choice among... ahem... choice demographics in the 80's-90's. It was a black t-shirt That tended to have some sort of intimidating animal on the front(Bears, Wolves, and Eagles were a popular choice) snarling at you. if that was not warning enough of the bad-assed nature of the person wearing the shirt, there was lightning on the shirt to drive the point home that this person was not to be fucked with. A true American Thunder shirt had lightning that reached all the way around the shirt, starting from the back to the front and possibly down the arms, too. I have to stress that yes, there was knockoffs of this particular fashion, that only had the lightning on the front. Typically they had less-imposing animals on them too, like Trout or Bluejays. How the fuck does an eagle Snarl? Ornithologists, you're being called out.

If the fact that the person was wearing a black t-shirt with ANIMALS and LIGHTNING FUCKING EVERYWHERE was not warning enough, there was the American Thunder logo centered on the back of the t-shirt, possibly the eye of the storm that raged upon the polyester-blended tapestry of bitterness for Society. when you saw one of these bad boys on someone, you KNEW you were in trouble. To have one within 50 feet of you was a clear warning, and if you got your yap smacked because you were mouthing off about some faggy shit like technology or reading or women's rights, well it's your own goddamned fault.

Still confused? Well, this this little piece of the internet that my buddy Lexa Pointed to once, the venerated Wolf Shirt, oughta sort you out.

This piece of shitty fashion history has been brought to you by xoxxed dot com. We're Not Dead Yet!


Switch me on
Turn me up

I work with guys who are into different things than i am. In effect, i'm a dork, they're not so much. This is normal. Usually we can find a meeting ground on the things we do off work, like drinking. I like drinking. Too much, it seems. I'm okay with that, most of you aren't. that's cool. My life, not yours. Whatevs.

Anyway, they are slowly figuring out that i march to my own beat. Over the last three months, like a steam pressure valve, I've slowly let the crazy out, exposing them to things they were not prepared for. such as:

-My theory that girls do not poop, but only think they do, due to an inferiority complex; and the science behind it.

-Screaming "GODDAMN YOU BRANDON!" every time "One Night In Bangkok" comes on the radio.

-Saying "let's kill something with it" when asked a question. any Question can be resolved usually by killing something in my book.

- Adding "...the cheating whore" when i'm talking about anything that is currently pissing me off, usually wrapping a skid or botching about my horrible relationship track record.


- Being glad that i'm not a broke, balding 31 year old about to be out of a job. Yet.

- Screaming "GODDAMN YOU RACHEL!" when "The Warrior" comes on the radio.

- Telling them that everyone's going to be sorry that they didn't listen to me about the impending zombie apocalypse(WHICH I WAS INTO BEFORE IT WAS COOL GODDAMNIT)

- My hatred of Hipsters, particualy 37 year old boy hipsters. did you know that in the hipster community, A hipster over 30 is called 'a Grandpa?', boy, that must suck.

- Screaming "GODDAMN YOU TMAN!" every time "Lovin Every Minute Of It" comes on the radio.

- putting my hands up to my mouth in a Cthulu- like gesture every time Phil Collins is on the radio. and then sometimes just for the hell of it.


Well.. you get the picture. I'm weird. You, my Loyal reader(s), already knew that I vacilliate bewteen complete and total despair and basking in pure chaos. This kind of stuff is...well, you're used to it.


Today as a landmark event however, as far as weirdness goes.

I was at work today, musing away when i got the greatest idea in the world. HOW AWESOME, my mind screamed to myself, if Guns N Roses re-did "paradise city", except changed the chorus to reflect MY interests? it went along the lines of

"Take me down to Dalaran City
Where the orcs are green and the Gnomes are pretty
OH WONT YOU PLEASE SET MY STONE, YEA YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"


Then my co-worker asked me what was so funny, since i was laughing to myself.

Then i had to explain it to someone who didn't play Warcraft, or engage in other kinds of dorkery for that matter.

You would have thought I was talking about advanced string theory physics set in a crazy messed up universe where Ape ruled Man.


CP Violation

War wages on, Pollution is rampant, divorce is at an all time-high. Criminals walk the street freely, and somewhere, animals are dying in a shelter.

only one person can help us now.

Bomberman.

You see, a Bomberman's love is very different from that of a square. Bomberman, for those of you who have been indocrinated to the sacreligious, profane, and false ideals of other multiplayer games, is a game which, if you have any hope for a better life, you will play, understand, and master. I can't really tell you the aim of the single player, as i never have played it and, quite honestly, i don't believe there is such thing as a single player bomberman game. it's all a lie. anyway, so i'm going to make up my own story.

YOU are one of the bombermen, which is essentially Death Incarnate couched within sprite graphics. your objective is to bomb the living shit out of everything and everyone within your 13x11 playing field and hope to god you are the last person left alive. You will collect powerups that will increase your ability to shit out more and moar bombs, powerups that will increase the length of your flamedicks(this is a technical term, read the manual) to stretch nearly across the entire board, and herpes, which you sometimes want, and sometimes don't.


Alliances are made and broken faster than Vegas chapel vows in The game. mild-mannered churchwomen will curse in demonic tongues. New swear words will be invented and forgotten in the babbling litany that comes after losing a match. Marriages will be saved, then ruined, friendships broken and reestablished within three minutes of gameplay. If Bomberman was around in the World war II era, it either would have saved millions of lives or we would be living in cinderous, toxic remains of a nuclear exchange. Japan's modern day Samurai exist today as Bombermen bioengineered in the cold, robotic womb of a femme console system, stored away within the time infinite, waiting for the day these New World-Jesuses shall be needed to horse-fuck the human race into oblivion to purge our planet once and for all of the disease we have come to be as simplistic, celebrity-worshipping, whoremongering luddities of filth, luchre, and Materia, forcing the righteous dead to return from on high, enwrapped within flaming wings to do epic battles with our cutesy-visored savior-murderers in futile effort for our collective souls.

It's your patriotic duty to play this game.


Ignite ignite ignite ignite ignite ignite ignite ignite ignite

Time to get back on this horse.

I'm gonna kick it off with a little piece I call 'Labor day with Mom and Gma"

This is why we're never invited to the reunions or have immediate family gatherings.

"Too bad you don't have a dick that big, you'd never be worried about money. Or your looks."

"Grandma, that's the creepiest thing you've ever said to me. I'm going to attribute it to dementia. how can you see that anyway? you're blind."

"Give me one of your Beers. I'm going to beat the fuck out of you."

"Mom, Mike... Will both of you knock it off?"

"She started it, Mom. Hurry, take a picture. I wanna put it on the blog and show the whole world wide web my potato nuts and cucumber penis. it'll totally get me laid cuz IT'S ART LOLLERSKATES. you want to have grandchildren, right?"

"What the fuck is a Lollerskate?"

"Mom, ignore him. he's....Sigh, shakes head in defeat"

Click! Click!

"You better not post this conversation to your website."

'I won't."

try so hard to make the pieces all fit

Sometimes, I get so lonely I chat with spammers on the internets.


We build arks

I have a serious ethical and moral dilema.

ever since I have been up here, I have been on the edge of disaster, always wondering about jobs and whatnot. my Rent raised recently and I have lost my job and I am paying bills by the Squeaky wheel method and am wondering when I'm going to finally be kicked out of the apartment. One of the few luxuries I have had since moving up here is getting a daily paper from the papergirl in one of the other complexes.

Yesterday, the papergirl came by to collect for the last 2 months. Normally I pay in cash and toss her a 5 buck tip, because I know paper routes tend to suck and it's hard to get a route as a kid these days. I feel for her, I really do, but I am just about broke and am at the point where I can't even afford a goddamn paper subscription. I tell her I don't have any cash on me and ask her to wait while i run to my bank's ATM, which is a bullshit lie becuase my account is empty and there's no way i'm getting charged overdraft fees.

So when I came back, she was still waiting outside my complex. I told her that the Machine said I Had Drawn my limit for the day, and for her to come back tomorrow and I will have the cash for her.

She gives me this weird look. and says something to the effect of "Maybe we can work something out", Obviously not those exact words, but to be honest I have a hard time remembering what she did say becuase she hooked her thumbs in her jeans and pulled them down like a half inch or so. I'd almost swear there was shitty 70's porn music somewhere far off in the background. She then handed me the daily paper and walks away back to her apartment. As she is leaving, she rubs her hands on her ass and looks back at me for a very long second. At this point I'm going "Fuck. Holy fuck." Mind is a racing. A million miles a minute. I mean, she is only fifteen years old and The girlfriend is coming over in about an hour, but...

I dunno.

It is, what I would most definately call a loaded situtation, so I'm turning to you guys for a lil poll on my dilemma: In the paper she gave me, I found a coupon for two free sides with any 10 piece order at Popeye's. Is it okay for me to redeem this coupon, knowing that I will probably never pay my paper bill?

heh.

And I've been putting out the fire
With gasoline

Not a real update, but you guys deserve something for the recent public sappiness I have made.

So, a little project I worked on in the last day and a half. Not too great, mind you, but my tools are limited at best. Also, this is what happens when you're left alone a lot and you start telling yourself to shut up because you're tired of hearing yourself talk. either way, I got a kick out of it, and I'm trying to stretch my artistic legs a bit. in other words, All my crayons are broke. that can be taken so many ways.

Enjoy.

You young pup
You old dog

Holy shit I'm tired. going to bed after this.

Repaying an old debt. Sorry I took a year to do it. I'm a tard.

I got tagged by Midwest Geek and need to do the following:

1. List five things that you don't know about me.
2. "Tag" five other bloggers to do the same on their blogs.
3. Then those five bloggers tag five other bloggers and hopefully don't take a goddamn year to respond.



1. I Started my own Final Fantasy(NES) fan club in grade school. it had 4 members: Me, James Moore, Jeremy Dixon, and David Newsom. Wrote a letter to Nintendo, got one back, framed it and everything. The club was disbanded after David Newsom Borrowed the game from me and beat it before i did.

2. I was diagnosed with Ankyloglossia and had my tongue clipped when I was 3. If you've ever heard me in person, this probably answers hundreds of questions.

3. Other than #2, I've never had major surgery.

4. When I was 16, I ran away from home. Got The Trots, went back home. Total time spent as a runaway: one and a half hours.

5. how about a rare picture? I thought I had lost this picture forever. Ahh, to be 20-ish again, when drinking was a lot more fun.


I tag The Slowbeks(either one of them), Sarah Jo Beth, Brandocrap, cybrpunk, and Polymorphic girl. Chances are, you've already done this when it made the rounds nearly a year ago, so disregard if you have.

Again, so late to the party the party's probably over, because I'm a douche who dosen't pay attention.

Brand new
You're retro

Confidential to Sarah: Now you got me fucking with my main page and contemplating a redesign.

Tman beating me in blog updates this month means only one thing: The end is extremely fucking nigh.

Speaking of me sucking ass, I just recorded myself singing a song and concluded with concrete proof that not only do i possess an untrained voice with no natural talent whatsoever, but i'm most likely tone deaf and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE would ever think it sweet and endearing if i were to say, dub a song with my own vox and lyrics. No music career for me.

I'm beginning to run out of artistic things i can do to express some of the shit running in my head.

And with that, i do have something for you.

Few of you have probably heard of a dream I once had long ago, called "Civil War". I kept it to myself for special occasional tellings between me and the brothers Jones, and Actually had a retelling of it this weekend with Brandocrap, and realized the inheriant flaw of memories: No matter how much you try to remember them, they will fade in time. I should have wrote it out years ago, but this dream is the type of thing that, at the time, i wasn't real keen on sharing publicly. As i've explained before, my dreams don't really fit a discernable pattern. I can't dissect them and get much of an interpretation other than "Wow, I really am a fucking weirdo."




So, for the Sake of Archiving this before my own memory fades further, and assuring all of you that I am batshit insane and never need to do any kind of psychoactive drug EVER, I present to you: "Civil War".



Even though this is a NSFW website, I must foreword this with a warning.



This is a seriously fucked up dream. Turn back now or don't blame me if you get offended.




I had this dream in 99 or 00.


I am an astronaut, strapping up into the copilot seat with twelve others for an important mission. Destination: the moon. So there we are, getting ready to blast off, the crowds gathering and cheering us on, for somehow the fate of the world rsts on this very important mission to the moon. 3....2...1... lift off. Everything's going fine.

About 5-10 miles up, our engines suddenly cut out, the shuttle flips direction, and starts nosediving towards the earth. Panic obviously sets in. The patch of dirt that we are going to crash into has a giant red X on it. The nose of the shuttle has undergoes a transformation at the last moment, turning into a giant drill bit, and there we are, boring our way to the center of the earth.

We reach the Moon in the center of the earth, and step gingerly out onto the surface, bobbing gently about due to gravity. everything seems normal, with the very obvious exception of having reached it via some space-time warp in the center of the earth What we do not know, however, is that we aren't alone.

A dark wave comes over the western horizon. Johnson yells through the com-link "What the hell is that?". The rest of us are treated to a horrifying sight: An army of upright cockroaches, Decked out for battle with the incumbent species-us. The cockroaches are your garden variety-looking roaches, with two exceptions: They stand upright and are 6-7 feet tall, and they have a humanoid ass where a cockroach ass should be.

Giant moon roaches with human asses are on our way to slaughter us. Wilkins, The resident weapons officer, rushes into the shuttle and breaks out the weapons - oversized cannons that shoot dildos. "AIM FOR THE ASSES!" He exclaims. "It's the only way to kill them!"

So there we are, fighting valiently, losing two in the inital rush, holding back the obvious impending doom with guns that shoot dildos. Do you know how hard it is to flank a giant roach in order to shoot at it's ass? It's difficult, to say the least. We are holding out, but we are losing ground. Another crew member goes down. then another. Soon, there are only 8 of us left, we are barely holding the ground around our spaceship, and the hordes are endless.

Then, from the east, a shining light! A rampaging army of human-sized bunnies spring forth. armed to the groin with..giant human dicks, here to penetrate the deadly moonroach army into oblivion. The roaches don't stand a chance because the bunny army have genitalia that drags on the ground. gaining a second wind, we cheer them on as they decimate the roaches.

The Battlefield is clear, the army of the giant moonroaches lay wasted before us. One of us walks up to what we assume to be the leader of the Giant Dick Bunny Army to thank them for thier help and to establish a connection to this friendly alien species.

The bunnies turn, encircling upon us and frogmarch us into our shuttle, piling in with us to maximium capacity. They then order us to set course for the Sun. Terrified that we are going to our doom, Smith, the pilot, protests.

In reaction, the bunnies grab Smith and gangrape him, killing him in mid coitus. Johnson Grabs a spare Dildo Rifle and shoots it at one of the bunnies. It is completely ineffective, and he gets raped to death as well.

Now, I'm the pilot, and they are ordering me to fly to the sun. what the fuck am I going to do? I'm flying the motherfuckers to the sun. Hey, dunno about you, but iId rather burn up than get raped by bunnies with massive penii. Maybe they got thier fill of forced sex on. Well, no luck. The whole crew gets raped on the trip to the sun since it takes about six months. Awesome. Just awesome. how am I going to look at my wife ever again back home, knowing I have been brutalized by a fucking giant space rabbit?

We're floating about 250 miles from the surface of the very very hot sun, we are sweating profusely, violated, and now out of fuel. I explain to the Bunny leader that we are out of fuel so we can't get any closer, and they say "No problem." They then open the airlock, wave goodbye, and leap forth into space, the entire army drifting towards the sun.

So, now we're in decaying orbit around the sun, no fuel, food is low, and we can't kill ourselves in shame becuase the only means to murder-suicide ourselves shoot fucking dildos. Can't open the airlock and suffocate either, since the vaccum of space is apparently breatheable. So we languish there for probably a month, when some of the despondant crew spot a flame shooting out from the sun. "Sunflare. Thank god. Maybe we'll die." Nope, it is a bunny, from the army that spacenapped us and brought us here. It hurtles towards us, and as it gets nearer, we notice the bunny is charred and beaten-badly.

It impacts against the window portal, smearing blood and bits of charred flesh upon it. We all crowd around in disbelief.

"What happened, little bunny?" One of the crewmembers asks, genuine concern tinging his question. (We were raped by them, by the way, I just wanted to point that out yet again)


It's reply becomes it's death rattle.


"CIIIVVVVVIIIIIILLL WAAARRRRR........"


We all openly cry for the loss of such a gentle soul.


the end.




Don't ask, I don't fucking know.



I think I'd rather crucify then learn

I finally sold out to Myspace. Add away if you are on it and can find me. God damnit.


Last update of the year.

Man. What a fucking rollercoaster. These year end Wrap ups used to be depressing due to sentimentality of certain events during this time of year. I didn't even do one last year because i was rather elbow deep in stag with Brandocrap and Mickapotamus in Springfield. And that was actually a good thing. got me out instead of brooding over stuff i couldn't change. anyway.

Now, things being the way they are, i am here, by myself for tonight. Not heading out because the last thing i want to do is get trashed and drive home in relatively unknown settings in hazardous weather(Wind and snow advisories tonight, lovely). Also, it's money i don't need to be spending at the moment. Sparks isn't available either at the moment, So i gotta make do with what i got.

Brooding away, let me recap:

Back to everything.... - Took up an old job. Did what i had to do. thankful for the get back on your feet opportunity, yet i was back to square one. felt like ntohing was going to ever change.

Slipping further - Gma effectively goes blind. While Still the deadliest intergalactic force on earth, I get a very harsh reality check, not helped by-

Backslider - Had my hopes built up, then crushed. flipped the fuck out. Cursed everything. Hated everyone, everything. Tired of it all. This was going to be my lot, until...


I was wrong, this changes everything - A Spark of flame flickering in the dark, I follow, going far off the path I had known. Holy hell, what the hell is going on here? I think i feel things again. I don't feel like a monster. I think this can be something grand.


Tied Knots - Tim and Rach, Jeremy and Michelle, Jason and Terez, probably forgetting others. Congrats to each and every one of you. even the ones i'm forgetting. i'm an asshole.

Hatchets - Words of war stopped with a bunch of people. not even going to start listing them. Guess i grew up a little bit.

The Reunion - Saw a bunch of people. got drunk. Talked to other people when it was more one on one. Good times i think.

Not for long - Plunged into the long night, Stay the beast within. Follow the trail. Dawn is near.

Fuck it. Too much wordy melodramtic bullshit. Can't keep going on in crazy half-assed metaphors. Moved away, glad I did, things are not perfect but it's getting there.

In summary, It was the year of really fucking weird paradoxes. Started out horrible, turned out way better than I can imagine. I can't ask for much more, nor would I change how the hand played out because as far as I'm concerned, I'm holding aces.

Time to celebrate.


Only you
Can calm me down

So, this is the first holiday I have spent away from the family. Our Family never really did much anyway, What is different about this year is that this is the first time in about three years I've had to buy a present for the better half. Naturally, I waited until today to get anything, Whereupon i had to fight most of rockford in snarling traffic and pea soup fog.

So after all that, I got to get to the fun stuff: What the fuck am I supposed to buy? I've never been good at interpreting what women want for a present, Or remembering what she already has. The Last time I had to do this was easy.

The Ex: "Buy me a Care Bear."

Me: "Ok."

Livingdead Buys a Carebear, And only a Carebear. That's It. Way to think outside of the box there, chief. Most likely, it was the worst of the Carebears, too, like Pissy Bear or something. Anywho, So I went on, fought a bunch of invading plantlike robots from the distant planet Qixnar Zuerg to save xmas that year. At least, that's how I remember it.


Before The Ex, there was Linhja. Also easy to buy for. also fucked that up.

Linhja: "I'd Like this anime."

Livingdead: "ok."

Livingdead Buys a shit ton of Anime discs, all stuff he, nor her, ever heard of. Also, none of them were seperate movies by themselves. They were all part of different sets, and I bought neither the beginning or the endings of them. Only in the middle. Why she never murdered me in my sleep I'll never know.

Needless to say, I'm not really good at doing this kind of shit because I haven't had a lot of practice buying for a woman at Xmas. Probably like every other guy on earth, I like to have what you want spelled out for me, but at the same time, I'm still in that era of the relationship where I want to impress by having some sense of ingenuity when it comes to buying a gift. that's a slippery slope of logic. Go for the safe and expected? or... Get a little adventurous and bold?

So, What does bold and adventerous Livingdead Do? Linergie. I can tell you this because I'm horrible at giving hints and more or less already told her what I got her.(Something else I need to work on as well, it seems) I don't think I helped things when I said "Wait till you see it. I'd TOTALLY fuck a shark in it!" So I guess I better go out and buy some other stuff, quick.

And I wonder why I spend so much time single.

is it tomorrow or just the end of time?

Internets, I am back. Bitches.

Let's see. Where to start...

Move in went okay. it's definately a bachelor Pad, but things are sort of more or less in thier place. what was packed in the course of 2 days ws unloaded by myself in an hour and a half.

I've noticed I have a bad habit of going to the store to buy stuff, and then get home only to realize I forgot something vitally important, i.e., "oh thank god that's all over wit-OH FUCK I FORGOT TOILET PAPER AND I GOTTA GO!"

I never realized how much TV I watched, even when I don't really watch TV. I turn on the TV only to find I have air channels, and then realize that I won't be seeing Mythbusters or Dirty Jobs for a long, long time. At least I can watch that one show I don't watch(Alex got K-lined? WTF?)... if i can stand all the static.

I managed to survive a week without internets. That was a goddamn feat in itself. I've had some kind of access to the interwbes since I was 14. Again, I never realized how much I use it till I didn't have it. ex.: "Hmm, I don't have a phone book for pizza, I'll look up papa john's on the inter-Oh, wait...." Or a better example: "I need to get directions to get around town, I better pull up google earth and look-oh yeah."

Needless to say, by the time I got hooked back up, I was ready to suck off the ethernet wire that was providing me with sweet internet nutrients in a godawful erotic display of pleasure. So I guess that makes me gay for internet, which makes me subsequentally gay for all of you I think. I hope you're all as scarred by that now as I am for having it in my head.

I hear you all are getting a lot of rain down there. We're getting ice storms. or were. Now it's just bitterly cold and a frozen wasteland of snow covered in ice. Kinda Awesome. Thank god I was smart enough to be fat so I can stay warm. Also, City-folk can't drive in Snow either. My first night up here in a winterstorm, some dumbass was fishtailing in our apt parking lot because it's cool, yo. Also, in another incident in another storm later last week, another dipshit Nearly smashed into me at a redlight, then proceeded to stay on my ass and brighted me till his turnoff. Yeah, sorry dumbfuck, i'm not gonna drive faster in adverse conditions and run the risk of wrecking just so you can get somewhere faster, ESPECIALLY when it's a fucking four lane highway.

Sparks Works a lot, so I'm left to my own devices. Since I don't want to be(or more effectively, can't be) the guy who hangs out at her place of work all day long, that means(especially when I was sans intertubes) I'm bored as fuck. I went and beat Neverwinter Nights finally, since I wasn't distracted by the addiction that is Warcraft.


This is really fucking disjointed and I apologize. Also, I wish I had cooler stories, but I've pretty much hung around the apartment and the immediate area for the time being. so nothing mind-blowingly-fucking awesome, yet.

Basically, everything's fine for the time being. I'll shit out another one when I get something awesome to talk about. Or get really really bored.

Confidentals:

Mette: Where the hell have you been? You need to come back to Rockford now that i'm here. on TnT: Speyside is where I stayed on Tobago, at the Blue Waters Inn nearby. Great snorkeling and it's not too populated. On trinidad I stayed at a Bird Sanctuary about 30-40 minutes from Arima. It was nice, but I hate birds. I'd Skip Trinidad altogether and go straight to Tobago unless you're gonna stay in Port-of-Spain(and i can't help you there, since the most I saw of it was going to and from the airport) If you do stay in Trinidad, boil your water before you drink it if the place you're at dosen't provide you with any drinking water. Tobago's Water is fine. Hope this helps. shoot me a msg if you got anything specific you need to know.

Cybrpunk: Yes, I'm in NoIL. now stop Makeing up seseless Acronyms and get backto writing Zombie Sotires for me to feast on ;)


Tman: Updated. your turn. try to crank one out before the end of the year.

Brandocrap: You too.

Sassy Boy: Consider it done. Get ahold of me and we shall talk about possible nipplings.




Miami Nice

It's official. I am now past the point of no return. Throwing the brakes now, even if I wanted to, would do more damage than going forward into the great unknown. I have so much to do. I have so much to plan for. So many contingency plans to make, revise, get wrecked, toss away, and hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I am not afraid of leaving. I'm flying almost totally blind right now. that scares the hell out of me. It's all coming at once. the car. the apartment situtation. the looking for a job. finishing packing. amassing money. Hopes, dreams, the threat of absolute failure riding upon already burdened shoulders.

I just want it to work. I don't care how. I just want it to work and everything be okay and make it. So tired of stagnating, waiting, existing. I want to be more. I want to take a good thing and make it better. I want. I need.


45 days. in some ways, an eternity. in others, too soon.

Nothing left here. Nothing but to close my eyes, take the plunge and hope the bitch called chance casts a favorable chance on me just one more time.


Oh up down turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground

Some of my favorite quotes. Bonus internet points if you can guess the source.



With each kill, I grow wiser, and with added wisdom, I grow stronger.


Always the questions. Never the answers. Always the hopes... never the fulfillments.

Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team and you're not on the team, then nobody's on the goddamned team! The team sucks!

How well will I cope. How will I cope. Will I cope.

My soul bears the burden of my misjudgment, but I have been patient; I have been waiting.
And when the time is right, the Betrayer will become... the betrayed.

[...]are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over- an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.


The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up[...] Wake up and smell the ashes.


The weak suffer. I *endure*.


The descent had destroyed me... and yet, I lived.






They might promise you
That the river ain't deep

I'm drunk, so i'm pretty sure this is going to offend. consider this a warning on a website that already warns you i'm not family friendly.

This is what happens when I don't blog in a while, then try and type out a blog and waste too much time on it. I end up missing out on playing Warcraft before I go to bed and now I am too drunk to play warcraft, but still too awake to go pass out. hence, another blog. a blog of... hate. The apple HATES the bannana. hey that reminds me, I should try something for the blog carnival.

Anyway, now my mind is on overdrive and hacker Schorr(DRINK IT MY NUBIANS, AND REJOICE) and i have no structure. So anyway, thanks to cybrpunk for bringing this to my attention! I am Jack Thompson And i am still trying to be relevant! I hate Video games because they raped me and stole my lollipop! don't play them! Watch godTV and read boring-ass books and don't look at video games! they're the Debbil and they simulate MURDER and RAPE and OTHER GIANT HORRIBLE WORDS THAT SHOCK AND AWE YOU! I need massengil for my GIGANTIC HURTING CENTIPEDE-FILLED VAGINA.

you know who else pisses me off? Fred Phelps. i'm not even going to give that degenerate motherfucker a link. i think i hate him more than my neighbor or a certain Ex. Fred phelps hates gay people. I don't Gay people free up resourses that would otherwise be unavailbale to me or my gender. also, some of them are cool. women are not resources. i know this. I think Fred Phelps gets off on using the word "fag" as many times as possible in a sentence and combining it with other words to make his point. Fag-enabling faggots are fagfucking fagerica's faggot fucking fagsystem. that's pretty much fred phelps, other than the requisite "You are all fags and are going to hell except me and my fag-hating family. we're cool with jesus somehow." jesus hung around with a bunch of dudes. fuck fred phelps and fuck his stupid cult church. I hope gay robots fuck you to death. you are a good reason why I hate religion and believe in nothing and have Nightmares about Bannanas!BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!elevenzors!

BUT HEY, did you know that not all is lost? according to a completely fucked up nonscientific study most likely funded by the same group endorsing it: Focus on the Family. fuck them too. fuck your "we want america to be just like what we think it should be" bullshit. conform. obey. consume. sleep. if religious mediation can make a gay man straight, Then if I mediate religiously enough, I could make Jessica Beil and my girlfriend make out? And then I get to watch and make Sexy time? right? right?

RAWWWWKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! COCK ROCK POWERS UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm gonna go act like an asshole in second life now. cuz that's how I roll, yo. ther's lot's of spelling errors i'm sure. and i'm sure i don't care right now.



it's the american way
it's the american me
it's the american you

Hey, Resident evil Extinction in 2 days! whoo-hoo!

Dear Southern Illinois,

Please get a fucking theater that will play "Diary of the Dead" when it comes out.


I used to be cool on the net, then I stopped updating all the time. I should totally gyp you on this update and go play Warcraft or Second Life because that would be the hipster thing to do.

But I wont do that to you, my ever-suffering three readers. I'll try and hammer out something to consume.


So, okay, allow me to explain at least some of the absence. Work, obviously is one of the reasons. Warcraft is another. and I also Sparks came down to visit a couple of weeks ago, so I was all busy with that. Sorry, Internets. Also, not much to talk about with the Sparks visit because anymore. I don't really like talking publicly much about what me and her do for a couple of reasons. One, everybody else does that, and I'm not everybody else. since an S.O. is a significant portion of one's life, stuff that goes on with said S.O. is going to make it on teh blizzogs and I don't blame anyone one damn bit. But not here. I hope. Okay, at least not in major capacity. There's only so much happy sappy I can do and this isn't the place for it. well, it is if I want it to be, but you get the idea. Secondly, I was very public in the past about all the little shit that me and the The Ex did(which is why I can't necessarily slam anyone for writing about what they did with thier said S.O.) all that shitting rainbows, kittens, and skipping down the golden brick road was dreck(not the experiences, but writing about every little detail like that). Nevermind the also very public slow-motion apocalypse that dragged on for the better half of three years after said glory times had drawn to an end. I should take some of it down, but I am a fan of snapshots. Every now and then, I go back and read what i wrote at that time and see how things were. taking it down now after so long would not only change my perceptions, but also wreck up the place with a form of censorship.

Fuck, none of that is making sense. drinking and typing woot woot. how about this: most of the "Me and Sparky" stuff will be private. my own little things I keep to myself. think Tom hanks in "saving private Ryan" and you'll get what i mean. I'm sure though, that will be be fucking hard to do once i move up there. Maybe this atrosity of a website/blog/whatEVA-I-DO-WHAT-I-WANT will turn into a U.S. Variation of a sort in time. who knows, but i'll try my best not to.

I am, however, bound by oath to say this for all the Internetzorz to see: Sparky kicked the everliving shit out of me at Tony Hawk Drunk and without even breaking a sweat. I, however, swore a lot and woke up Gma, who nearly devoured me in her robotic mouth-parts as i slumbered.

Anywho, less explaining and more yelling at clouds, weird shit and net memes, which is what you came here for AM I RITE?

I went with Hooter last saturday to Just One More and saw this band. i think i have cancer now, thanks to them.

You see, they did alright for the most part, so i'll give them that. I wasn't paying too much attention, as I was just along for the ride whilst Hooter played Catchup with her friends.

About 5 songs in, they played a god-awful version of "Closer" which made me want to kick newborns. But since that's assuredly illegal, I went and grabbed a beer to try and dull my senses. Hooter knew that despite how much of a rabid fan I am of Nails, that 1) I fucking hate that song after hearing it 12 kajillion times, and 2) I especially hate shitty covers of Nails songs and was having a laugh at my expense. I guzzle down a couple of stags, and try to forget, making nice with her friends. Then they played a bad version of "The Hand that Feeds", and found myself wishing I could have a heart attack and ruin the entire night as it had been done for me. Not too long after that, I made Hooter take me back to my car before I started knifing people at random.

I need to get up to Springfield soon. I have to the lay down a slap on Mick on Worms Armegeddon. YEAH YOU HEARD ME. CAPS LOCK IS K-RAD!

Okay, I think that's my quota for this one. enjoy. Another later today. I hope.


Yall don't know what it's like
Being male middle-class and white

Holy shit this is awesome!

Anyway, Got to make it quick. Got to enjoy my day off. Which is code for dorking out on warcraft of course.


Confidential to Brooke: yes. Thanks for stealing my thunder :)

Confidential to John LaTour: Extra lyrics not used in "All the Love in the World".

Confidential to ALL who buy lottery(both instants and numbers) and don't listen to What the hell i'm Saying : Stop buying lottery. If you aren't smart enough to read an instant to find out what the hell you're supposed to do, maybe you shouldn't be pissing your money away like that. more on this later.

And finally a lil something with some meat.


S: Sparks; LD=Me

LD: That's a long and complicated answer. yes they feel pain since they have a nervous system, but they're also bred to be disposable. I wouldn't be too worried about it. If i'm sitting outside and one ends up crawling on me, i'm killing the fucker.

S: Right, but I respect ants. the ones I kill probably have a family. but i'd rather not leave them wounded. it's not like they have a good health plan.

LD: I wouldn't worry about leaving lil orphan ants hon. Thier Social structure is a lil bit different than ours :)

S: It isn't different. Have you ever seen the movie Antz?

LD: No but i can tell that that's not real, noob. :)

S: It is too real. Back in the day, I was sitting out on the porch, and Antz was playing in the living room. I set my pop down on the table and there was a trail of ants right there on the table. it was a sign.

LD: 1. it's called soda. and 2. it's a sign that where you lived had poor pest control.

S: 3. Ants like to sit and watch stories about thier real life.

LD: 4. You are a fucking loon.

S: 5. Crazy chicks are awesome in bed, and 6. Guess who just upset the "provider of nookie" as you say?

LD: 7. I agree with 5, but 6 dosen't matter because 8. You're 5 hours away anyway. HA HA TEH WINNAR OF THA INTERNETS

S:9. I'm coming down next week, dumbass.

LD:Oh... yeah.

S:'teh winnar', eh?

LD: Uh... I'm sorry?

S:Dumbass

Riot girl
show me your truth

I had to go pay a seat belt ticket today because I don't believe in the nanny-state laws and usually don't wear mine. I still don't believe that I should have to wear a seat belt, especially when cyclists don't have to wear anything more than a pair of shades in the state of Illinois. that's not the point I want to dive into right now though. that's a whole other can of worms and I'm not here to piss off the bikers today. I'm here to piss off the local government since they succeeded in putting me in such a sour mood.

For those who aren't as intimate with the Franklin County courthouse as I am, let me sum it up for you. You have a courthouse, right smack dab in the middle of a junction of three state highways that create a one way "circle"(but the town calls it a square, figure that one out) that is basically a fucked up counterclockwise one-way street that has NO stop or yield signs. Not a one of 'em.

Driving The square itself depends on a honor system of cars letting other cars in and out of the square. This sucks already because people are assholes and have to be at more important places than you, such as going to wal-mart to buy a 30 fucking cases of cheap tampons and twelve packs of balongna, or going to the Circle K to buy a soda with a coupon and then return it so you have enough money to go buy some meth other whatever. If you're going to the courthouse, well, good luck with that. If you don't want to hoof it across the usually busy square and get your hip shattered by way of a soccermom-driven Ford Expedition, you can park right at the courthouse which basically puts your parked car at the mercy of some idiot who thinks that any empty space in the square means that he/she/it can drive through there to get to said destination that is much more important than yours.

Up to this point, I'm handling it okay. I'm even cool with paying a fine to a law that I disagree with and willingly broke. It's when I step past the guard after nodding hello and into the courthouse that things end up pissing me off.

I step up to the metal detector and start emptying my pockets to pass through. The guard at this point has come in from his court-appointed smoke break or something and sees that I am obviously carrying dangerous contraband: A cell phone. at this point it's time for him to rub his big dick in my face.

"You can't bring that in here!"

"Huh?" Turning around to meet whoever is behind me.

"You can't bring cell phones in the courthouse." he says sternly.

"I thought the sign said 'No cell phones or purses in the court room'?"

"Exactly. No cell phones. You'll have to take that back out to your car."

"But I'm not going-"

"Where are you going?"

Sigh. "The traffic court office."

He huffs. "Fine. you can go ahead and take it this time but don't bring it in here ever again!"

"Alright, fine. Sorry." I scowl, dropping the dangerous weapon into the tray as I pass through the detector. My belt and pant rivets immediately set off the alarm. At this point I'm thinking since I just got the third degree, and Having been in an airport in the last couple years, that means I should start taking off my shoes and wait for someone to wand me. Also, I should probably start relaxing my sphincter so the finger dosen't hurt as much.

"Go on through, go on through." He waves me on.

I grab my stuff, head into the office, pay my ticket, and walk right back out there, not even bothering to stop when I, without fail, set off the alarm once again. Except this time Barney Fife isn't around to make sure I didn't steal the secret pot 'o gold hidden within the cavernous depths of the hell known as Franklin County Courthouse.


Now, what the fuck is wrong with this picture? I get read the riot act for walking into the courthouse for a goddamn cellphone when I wasn't even going into a courtroom, but I set off the metal detector and don't even get so much as a fucking patdown? Good job there, Johnny Security. If I had bombs concealed in my baggy carhartts, that place would have been dust. But at least I couldn't have called my jihad buddies in Afganistan and let them know I was about to blow up a rinky-dink courthouse in the middle of Southern Bumfuck Illinois for allah, since I got totally busted for that. God bless America, we stopped teh terrerists!

Seriously, I'm not bashing cops in general here, I'm just pissed at one in particular. I'm not arguing that cellphones should be allowed in the court room either. Appearantly, me and the courthouse are in total agreement as to how fucking annoying they are. But to hassle me for bringing it in when I wasn't even going to court, and then to not even bother to check me for dangerous weapons when I do set off the detector is a serious fucking dichotomy in security.

So, my mission is clear. Never have another reason to go back there. Next time I'm mailing my goddamn ticket in.


I'm the police and I'm in charge
You don't like it get the f--- outta Dodge

Put in a lot of work this last week. Barely had time to sleep it seemed. Wanted to put this up a couple of days ago, but time just wasn't with me on this one.

It's July, and vetran readers know what that means - time for me to eschew my regular updates(regular? more like constipation) and do what about whatever the hell I want for the sake of being artistic. Well, that's what I tell myself anyway. Got some things I want to do, and maybe a little suprise or two. Maybe a callback. who knows, maybe I'll just get really trashed and post complete gibberish and lolcats and say in a snooty voice "It's ART!"

For those of you who don't really want to check out these kinds of updates, I would highly suggest checking out the archives during this time(skipping the July ones, of course). That is, if you haven't been doing so already because of my horrible updating schedule for the past two months.

Regular updates(as in doing what I usually do, i.e. Bitch about work, life, or anything else that I find irritating when I finally sit down and hammer one of these things out) will resume in August. hopefully, teh funnay will return with them.


I trust you will tell me if I am making a fool of myself

with the exception of being a bit tired and worn out, i am happy.

yeh. go read that again. Livingdead said he's happy. what the fuck?

Here's a couple of reasons.

I got to see sparky. Always a good start.

I'm on day two of my three day off stretch from work. which is fucking awesome. i made sure to buy my supplies so i wouldn't have to stop in for anything. after being there for 11 days in a row, i needed an out.

I finally got a new phone, a Chocolate, no less. And i'm hacking the shit out of it, thanks to a little help. I never plan on buying shitty ringtones or wallpaper ever again. Next time verizon, try offering better selection than Fergie, Timberlake, and 50 cent, Coldplay, and Akon. and fuck your stupid wallpaper, too.


Lastly, today is National Day of Slayer. I don't even like Slayer, but any holiday that advocates full-scale rioting is okay by me.

Now, since i sent a txt msg to Sparks that consisted of the word 'bomb' and selling kidneys the other day, I had better settle for causing trouble in the virtual world for today. and for what it's worth to me, that'll do, pig. That'll do.


Remain calm
I'm coming to your house to kill you

chillin with the D-O-double-G and Gee Oh Dee,
drinking V.S.O.P.
on the LBC
Boyz II Men
ABC
BBD
the East coast family!

plagurizing two different genres of early 90's music will not get me into The Source anytime soon.



I've been off work for an hour and a half and i'm well on my way to getting trashed. I'm working crazy hours this week and bringing in mad duckets, Yo. WTF ever happened to that arcade place? anyway, so while the manager is away, i'm on dayshift. this should be easy, right? well. sort of. first off, there's a giant burning ball in the sky that instantly gets me grumbling on my way to work. today wasn't so bad, as it was overcast. i was still grumbling, as i had closed the night before and didn't get out till 1am. this isn't always a problem, but I had to be there to open at 7:45, which turns getting out late into a litnany of 'fucks' from yours truly.

today I had probbaly four main things to accomplish without burning the store down accidentally or otherwise. things that once you sit down and get to it(or if you've done it a jajillion times before), should only take you about an hour. it took me seven. everytime i would get started and timidly step into the exciting world of entering product into inventory into our venerable database, I would get a customer. one would lead to two, and two into four, and pretty soon you have fucking tribbles and gremlins all over the goddamn place. every time I would finish one P.O, i'd get another delivery, and each company doesn't exactly have carbon-copy invoices. forms. sheets that stuff is on. whatever.

so back to hunt and pecking in what we got from whomever, doing everything i can to keep from entering in 5000 cases of grenadine @ 2999.99 cost. Then the customers come back in, and once again, I have fucking tribbles and gremlins.

so yeah. I will say that i needed the break from my regulars. last night i had another run in with No id girl and i wanted to chokefuck her with a broken everclear bottle because i'm a really horrible person and wish such things on people sometimes.

I would fully support a law that would allow anyone in retail the ability to shoot someone in the crotch once a day with a taser with no reprucussions. people would be a hell of a lot nicer if there was the chance that the person behind the counter hadn't used thier daily freebie. but since i live in the land of pussies and we just passed a law that bans indoor smoking in public places(except casinos, of course. they make money for the state and a majority of patrons there smoke, so they're cool. which is fucking horseshit), i don't see that ever becoming a reality. don't bother commenting, emailing, or flaming me about my stance on the smoking issue. you're not going to chance my mind, and I'll just think you're an even bigger pussy. you win. I get it. I can't actively kill you anymore. I'll get over it or I'll find another way.

I like Edgy Eft, but I am ready to take a ride on the Fiesty Fawn. anyone got an opinon on it yet?

Anyway, So most of you got to meet Sparky at Bradley's Wedding(which was awesome, by the way), and i apologize for not getting face time with everyone and doing formal introductions. she's Shy and I have a track record about as good as my updating routine of late about doing the introduction thing. I don't think she's going anywhere, so you'll get your chance, I am sure.

Fuck. I just ruined a brand new tie in the wash. god damn it.

goddamn this hacker pschorr is fucking awesome.



i really want to write more, but now that i am rather soundly sloshed, i'm going to go get on WoW and spam "WTB 2 man suicide Molten Core run" on the channels. or get on as my hot blood elf and promise virtual sex for gold. wait. that's second life. or something like that. Maybe i'll kill more people In GTA liberty city stories. I don't care. I'm drunk enough to where i'm ready to fright someone, rip thier nuts off, eat them raw, then shit them down said person's throat. All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. I told u I was hardcore.


And there you have it. Yet another xoxxed.com, The art of Self-Destruction, Livingdead's Blog, what the fuck ever you call it, update. Made in Fucking Southern Illinois. Fucking made in Southern Illinois. Made in Southern Fucking Illinois. Made in Southern Illinois fucking.



Erase me

So, Me and Sparky go out for Lunch the other day, then head out ot the beach. it was good times. on the way back so I can go to work, I see I have something crawling up my forearm.

"Holy shit!"

"What?"

"a ladybug! a red one!"

"oh?"

"yeah, I haven't seen a red one in like, five years!"

I then go full into biology geek mode on and explain how the Asian variant that was brought in for pest control and had displaced the native species. she nods and tells her own story of dealing with ladybugs in the winkter back up north. She's awesome like that.

Heh. displacer beast. talking about ladybugs made me think about that for some reason.

then I go to work. Which pretty much sucked. Some jackass rang the bell three times, I told him to hold on twice as I was with other customers who where there before him. Then when i finally get to him, all he want's is a fucking pack of Dorals. THEN, the fucker paid in change. Yeah, I'm so Sorry that i didn't get to you Sooner, Rich Uncle Pennybags. now I'm in rant mode.



we have certain customers who come in asking for North. North is friendly and talkative, I am not. He's better known in the area because he went to school with a lot of the younger customers. unfortunately, a lot of the people who come in who ask for him are complete douchebags about it. this in turn, makes me resent North sometimes. but remind myself that North's a good guy. It's the customers that he knows that are pricks.

Example conversation:

drive thru bell rings.

"how can i help you?"

"I GOT SIX DOLLARS!"

sigh. take a breath, and answer. don't be a smartass.

"and what do you want with that?"

"I WANT YOU TO COME HERE!"

Deep breath. Fists are balling up. Urge to kill rising.


I try to keep my poker face, but my voice betrays me as I open the window.

"....Yes?"


"is North working tonight?"

"I wish he was, because he would be taking your order and you wouldn't be asking me stupid questions and barking orders at me like I'm your goddamned lapdog, you bald-headed prick."

ooops. Let me retry that.

sigh. "no, he's not. if he was, I wouldn't be here."


then there's the "No id" girl. I've wrote about her before, but she's still amusing to me when she tries to pull bullshit.

"I don't have my ID, But North Knows me, So you have to sell to me."

"I have to do what?"

"You have to sell to me. Or else I'll tell North you didn't and you'll be in trouble. I'm in good with him."

"I don't have to do shit if you don't have an ID."

"what?"

"And for the record, I'm North's Superior. He has to Listen to Me."

"This is such bullshit!. I'm 22!"

"It's not my Fault you sucked off the wrong person on the Totem Pole."

"what did you say? I didn't suck nobody off!"

"It's called a Metaphor."

"i'm not a whore!"

"oh my fucking god... I said Metaphor. M-E-T-A-P-H-O-R."



And a final one for the faithful.

Guy comes in, tries to buy. No id.

Sends girlfriend in. has ID. She's pissy because she has get her ass out of the car to buy it. Wah.

"You do know he's almost 30, right?"

"no, I don't know. You know why?"

"why?"

"becuase he didn't have his ID."

"Well I can assure you he's almost fucking 30. I know becuase I'm his girlfriend."

"well I can assure you that Brad Pitt is gay because we have sex regularly. Also, me and Jesus Skate together a lot at the rink. See how that works?"


she didn't have much to say after that.



If you control my heart will you control my brain?
If I give in to you
will it still feel the same?

Not mine, but I thought you might like it.


A real update soon. when I get time to.

I don't remember finding the time to update being this hard in the past. I'm sure there's other reasons.


Anyway. Enjoy.




White Castle fries only come in one size

It's that time of year, spring is here, weddings are just around the corner, Love is in the air and blah blah blah all that hanky-panky bullshit. Also, I'm counting how many times I'm going to hear "man it sure is NICE outside today!"

I understand the need to make small talk, but come the fuck on.

Yes, thank you for pointing out the fact that I suck at life and have to serve you while you get to go out and enjoy the day with your baby's momma or what the fuck ever. I can't wait for my day off so i can come to your business and point out that I get the day off and YOU don't. And if that don't work, I'm going to piss in all of your plants. if there are no plants, I will simply piss on your counter/desk/in a corner.

Also, if you happen to suffer from this, I wouldn't tell people that you hear "voices" that tell you to play certain instant lottery tickets. I won't think you are gifted with a special power. I will think you are dangerously batshit crazy.

STOP RINGING THE FUCKING BELL. WE KNOW YOU ARE THERE. WE ARE BUSY AND TOLD YOU TO HOLD ON. OH, YOU'RE REAL FUCKING FUNNY. I HOPE YOU GET CENTIPEDES IN YOUR DICKHOLE.

I got a chance to go on a date - with a woman who was prolly only about 10 years younger than Moms. I declined. I should probably be thankful that anyone even looked at me in that fashion, but it honestly didn't help my morale much.

The Promise Keepers are having some sort of convention around here. I only know this because I saw the ad on TV. It only caught my attention because it also used Nirvana's "Come as you are" as a slogan. Good luck with that.

Got something in the mail today: My 10-Year Reunion notice. Awesome. I only really want to go to find out if this one girl in my class got really hot and turned into a porn star. otherwise, it just serves as a marker as to where I should have been and where I am now. I was really hoping I would be going to this shindig and not be almost exactly where i was when i was 18. I should have been married by now. I should have graduated school by now. I should have had a decent job by now instead of being a wage slave. I should have been more than what I am now. Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda. Nothing I can do about it now except buck the fuck up.

Anyone know any local escort services? Preferably, ones that I don't have to pay in meth? wedding season's here, the reunion, and all that rot. Maybe I'm kidding, Maybe I'm not.


WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP RINGING THE GODDAMNED BELL?




Crumbling images
No longer comfort me

For lack of a better medium, i chose different pictures off the internets.

This is what is usually running through my head at any given moment. not all to weird, considering.


And this is what happens when you end up having to work a full shift on an hour and a half of sleep because you were dicking around in Second life and you don't have enough goddamn sense to go to bed when you get home from work.

need beers and women will crash soon anyways this is a sucky friday night this update sucks.

I've got to look outside again
And wonder where I have gone

Work is work.
I nearly renounced my Atheism on account of a customer who just wouldn't leave.
I really have to try to like people sometimes.
Love life sucks, still and seemingly forever.
My Walls have been rebuilt.
Spent 5000 fake dollars gambling in my fake life.
I lost 20 bucks of my very real money.
That was a bad idea.
I wanted to do an April Fool's Update.
I didn't have time.
Next Year, flag semaphore.
Maybe.
Brandocrap would shove Jesus for A chance with Kari Byron.
I would murder all of you if I had the same chance.
Or even for a passable look-a-like.
I'm Morally Questionable.
I don't mind that so much anymore.
My Throskie is only a 63 :( and wears outdated gear.
Year Zero is absoludicriously fucking awesome.
You knew I would say that.
Alanis Morissete does My Humps.
you've probably Seen it.
Tori Amos does Raining Blood.
You should hear the Classic first.
I'm a future 419 Scam victim.
I could go on and on.
Getting the fuck outta here on a one day trip.
All work and no play something something something.



Here, I Haven't done one of these in nearly forever. Enjoy.

Read/Watch/Listen/Play:

Promise of the Witch-King; R.A. Salvatore.
300; Gerard Butler, Rodrigo Santoro, Vincent Regan.
Collected; Massive Attack.
God of War 2; Sony Computer Entertainment of America.




Nothing's right if you ain't here
I'd give all that i have just to keep you near

So, Because my first life pretty much sucks in just about every imaginable way, shape, and form, I have Joined up at Second Life.

I got pushed into getting a basic account as two of my very good friends abroad were having a Virtual Wedding and i was the best man.
I Was honestly a bit skeptical about picking up yet another addiction, since i was going good to feed my Warcraft addiction maybe two days a week and didn't need anymore distractions from my life as it were right now. Yeah, well, we can see how well that held up, considering recent events.

So, with a day and a half to the wedding, I signed up.

Now, the Best way I can explain Second life is that it is a cross between The Sims and the internet, Only before I got jaded with it with advertisements, Pronography, tubgirl, lemonparty, and spam. I get to run around in a virtual world dress my avatar in such clothes I would never actually wear or could afford, go to Dance clubs, gamble with what money was given to me(goddamn you SLINGO), Look at naken avatars, and buy virtual sex.

You think Third-world hookers are cheap? YOu can virtually fuck the virtual shit out of a virtual hooker in SL for the sum of 900 Linden dollars, which roughly equals out to maybe $3.50 US. wanna do a line of coke? 100 lindens(60 cents) nets you all the virtual snow you'll ever need. You can get a virtual job that pays you virtual money, Buy Lindens with your very Real money, and blow it all pimping out your 'tar or exploring the depths of sleaze that being digitally rich comes with it. Wanna hand out with Stalinist Furries and bash the Nazi Furries? you can do that. Gay Yiff? Yup. hardcore Vampire-Robot sex? it's all yours. how about a showdown at high noon? Yes, there are weapons in SL and we aren't afraid to use them.




So, to recap:

Dirt cheap Hookers
Drugs(they affect your avatar's behavior)
Gambling
Guns
Jobs
Night clubs
Not as many retards as there are on the internets
An escape from my shitty first life

So now I'm a paid subscriber and waiting for my weekly welfare check of 300 Lindens to hurry the fuck up and get into my grubby avatar's hands already so I can buy a virtual penis so I can get back to having glorified animated GIF Sex with the pretty ladies down in Hard alley with a better penis than the one I currently have.


By the way, the wedding was awesome. and the reception was pretty damn cool too, but I don't remember much of it as I was drinking myself stupid in the real world. hey, you have your coping mechanisms, I have mine.


There's no telling what we'll do when we're free
And you may as well crash with me

Eating week-old pizza for breakfast, while it may not kill you, isn't a good thing. My Tummy is all a Rumbly right now and I have to go to wizzork.

Hopefully I can tough it out. It would suck to spend my weekend might off sick, especially when i'm going to tret myself with a Ghost Rider and 300 double feature. I think the last time I went to the movies was for Silent Hill, so I'm gonna make a night of it.

I have a shitload of movies I've been wanting to watch, but since I don't work in a movie store anymore, I haven't been keeping up, though my store wasn't the greatest on getting the cool releases i really wanted to watch(admittedly, i have weird tastes). To paraphrase the old tagline of the IUMA, This place has no The Aristocrats. Therefore, it blows.

Yeah, Unless you want to hear about how i leveled my Warcraft toon to 62 this week(which you don't, i know), i got nothing. So here's another funny cat picture.


Playing the Angel
Isn't so easy where you're from

The topic of the day is "why Livingdead will never win the lottery".


When you're slinging lottery tickets, You often hear two phrases:

1. If I win, I'm giving you a tip!

2. Man, what would you do with X million dollars?"

The first one I usually brush off with an "Aww gee, thanks!" Grin and wish them luck and hope they have a good day and hope that every single person that said that to me will hit the jackpot and come through with such promises of free money.

One guy I had come in today bought tickets for the Mega Millions(Powerball Jr.) and said "If I win, I'll be back to give you a 1 percent tip! That's 34 Million to you, pal!"

As he left excitedly, I murmured to my coworker "I really do hope he hits the jackpot."

"Why?"

"Because his math sucks worse than mine. 34 million is 10 percent, not one. and I'm gonna hold his ass to that."

Number 2 is the one I hear far more than anything else when the Jackpot gets high enough to tantalize even me into buying a ticket. I realize it's small chatter to be made as one is buying into a chance to be rich, but when you hear it all day long, you get tired of saying the same thing: " Oh, I've no idea what I'd do with all that money."

Fuck that. I know EXACTLY what I'd do. After hearing it for the ten thousandth time, I started giving "creative" answers, as I'm sure they're tired of hearing the same "I dunno" over and over again.


"Become drunk with power and utterly corrupt."

"Ride a Tyranosaurus Rex, Again."

"Buy 340 Million dollars worth of pudding."

"Spend 5 million of it and throw the rest into high-yield stock options, and burn them for warmth since Ameren sucks more than a hooker in a black hole."

"Build a couple of houses for me and the Family and make them completely Solar-powered, since Illinois is a net metering state and Ameren sucks more than a hooker in a black hole."

"Rent a Huge Glacier and Re-enact Ice Climber or The Thing."

"Buy 340 million Dollars of Porn."

"Pick up a Coke Habit. Or whatever Drug is 'In', you Know?"

"Travel through Time."

"Buy my Neighbor's House(the Jackass one, not the good ones, I'm gonna give them a spruce tree, or a weathervane) and make it my dog's House."

"Drive an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."(I've been dying to use this quote for a long time)

"Call up all of my exes, rub it in thier face about how rich I am and how they're not but now I'm utterly lonely because i'll never know if a woman truely loves me or my money because that shit happens all the time you know HEY WAIT MISTER YOU FORGOT YOUR BEER AND I DIDN'T GET TO THE PART WHERE I CLAIM A MORAL VICTORY!!"


So there you have it. Reasons why I'll never come into a huge amount of money because I'd be a complete and total dick.

Rest easy, Ex-girlfriends and Ameren.


Begging
For your
Fatass dirty
Dollar

I'm that guy.

I used to make fun of that guy, always getting whipped up into a fanboy-ish fervor over a new album dropping soon, saying "it's going to be awesome" and "mind-blowing" "revolutionary" and other words. Well, mostly I just made fun of Slowbek and his Dream Theater Fetish with the requisite(albeit in the most loving terms possible) "You're such a Prog Metal fag. How the hell can you listen to 30 minute tracks with 462 keyboard, guitar and drum solos?" (Nevermind my own dark secret of actually attending a Dream Theater concert, twice. That's neither here nor there.)

Then I realized I do the exact same fucking thing with NIN, complete with a fanfic posting on my own blog, which I think actually makes me worse than slowbek by a exponential factor of 90.
And let's not start on the Warcraft themed posts I've made in the last six months.

That being said, I'm going to devolve into fanboy mode for a minute.

OMGWTFTURTLESINBBQSAUCE!

I want 1984, Mad Max,Half-Life 2, and every revo-anarchist's wet dream all rolled up into a nice audio soundscape and get me fucking higher than a kite. I want Pretty Hate Machine to have a brutal one-night stand with The Fragile, get knocked up and have bastard children, and reared by The Downward Spiral. DADDY WANTS HIS PRECIOUS NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW GIVE IT TO ME OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAAARRWRRWRRARRWAGGGHHHHdl;kjseernhser
3509weaigth123413gh34o28h5yjg3n 42oih5t45ygivr me i'ma audiocrack dffiend qbgfqewwqerlhnqewroighqerbgqerihqerlkgj;bqebashinghandstiltheybloodynubs
bhasd;lighadfghadfighabhfzdighghzdroigtdfzlih
brrrrztraprapraprapdogsandcatslivingtogether
MASSFUCKINGHYSTERIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHATISYOURMAJORMALFUNCTIONSPRIVATEPYLE!!!!!!BUSTADEALFACETHEWHEEL!!!!!



*pantpantwheezesighofpleasure*

Much better.

To compensate for all that, here's a cute picture I stole from a Fark thread. Enjoy.






Our blood
will stain
we will not go away

How about that snow, huh?

I really wish I had something to write about. went to dinner with the Slowbeks and Nunkie saturday night, had some laughs, good times, and some really really salty black rice. Don't tell my doctor.

I just got some spam that actually made me smirk. I'll talk about that.

subj: Rejûvënizë Yõûr Månhõod

GetAStiffy InAJiffy

(insert some stupid website here)


And that's the body of the text.


I'm glad to know that Boris Sixpackovich is looking out for me. and I also love how the blurb is all ran together to get past any spam filtering. If the email address was real,they'd be getting an email from My Internet Lawyer.

The email wasn't even technically to me. But still, it ended up in my mailbox, so I guess it was for me,(hooray circular logic!) Gotta love email spoofing.

Speaking of email, one of the next projects(as soon as I get my picture gallery up... HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA... heh) I got in the back of my mind is to get my domain set up for email. I'm sure there's a perfectly easy and painless way to do this through my hosting provider, but this is me we're talking about here. The same guy who insists that girls don't poop, a Zombie apocalypse is imminent, and a giant cyclops rat lived in my heating vents until I stopped feeding him cookies and LEGO bricks about ten years ago.

Hey, you have your weird beliefs, I have mine.

Anyway, that's all I got for now. We'll see about stepping this up to more than once a week, eh?


Smash it baby
because i can

Confidential to Sarah: Nope, haven't heard anything.


There's a song by Massive Attack called "Karmacoma". Everytime I hear it, I get the urge to start talking in a rastafarian tone and make references to "Dah ganja, mon" and "jah maka", and "bob marley mon". This is about the extent of my knowledge of this subculture, so I end up making a shitload of stereotypical spoonerisms to make it more authentic to myself.

Much like most of what I say to myself, this isn't usually funny to anyone, unless I get into one of my fits and becide that the entire house must know. And since I'm putting it on here, you know that I did exactly just that. As usual, the victim of choice is my grandmother.


So here I come, bounding into the living room.

"Jah mon. Let's smoke tha ganja, gramamma, and roll out to some bob marley, Jah?"

Gma Stares blankly at me, unimpressed with my new demeanor, as I have interrupted her viewing of "Shark". undeterred, I continue.

"Let's go get the voodoo, child." I'm thinking she'll understand me now if i take on the demeanor of a voodun crone, complete with sulty hip swaying.

Gma, knowing that simply ignoring me will not work now, Unleashes.
"what the hell kind of talk you call that?"

"I'm Jamacian....Mon."

"If that's what they teach you in school, I'm glad I never went. You sound like a fucking moron."

I drop the accent and think of the only defense I could come up at the moment. "I learned it from watching you!"

I Think I meant to imply that I learned it from watching Mom, since she was a flower child(much to Gma's chagrin), but I was under pressure and the only thing that popped up in my mind was the famous anti-drug line. anyway, this only fazes Gma for a moment, probably contemplating which painful way she is going to kill me in my sleep.

"If I still drank, I'd chuck a full beer at your head and hope it knocked some sense into you. No wonder your mother didn't have any more kids after you."

"Thanks, I think." I'm leaving the room at this point, as any further provocation means I might get hit with her walker. that whole "old and Decrepit" thing is just a cover. She once tore the neck out of a whale with her teeth, you know. Now whales don't have necks. You do the math.


You sure you want to be with me
I've nothing to give

As you may know, there has been shit going on lately that I have been really been avoiding. Unfortunately, this week things have come to a head and I feel that there is no better way to address it than here, in front of all my loyal readers. You, of all people, deserve to know the truth. I don't really like doing this in such a public medium, but this is more important than my pride, and this just inadvertantly helps me by getting this off my chest.

so, here it goes...


I"m sorry.


You see, I'm the person responsible for North Korea testing Nuclear Weapons. Even though he dosen't talk about it on his journal, Me and him have a sort of... "history". We used to Hang out and watch movies all the time. It was usually fun, but for some reason he would always ask if we could watch "Sleepless in Seattle" or "28 days" and then try to cuddle on me. I wasn't such a fan of that, but just chalked it up to "cultural Differences", for the sake of friendship.


One day, we were getting ready to sit down and start a "Lethal Weapon" Marathon, and I showed him how to make a hamburger. Suddenly, he said he had to leave early and that we'll watch Mel and Danny "Next week, for sure."

Next thing I know, that jackass was back in Pyongyang saying HE invented it. Now, I'm no Bobby Flay and I certainly wouldn't claim to have invented the hamburger, but considering thati did show him how to do it, it certainly would have been nice to have him throw a little credit for showing him(I was a bit down on my luck at the time, what with the breakup with The Lady and everything).


From: "Mike Dame"
To: "Jong Kim" (juchemaster@gmail.com)

Dude, What the fuck? I'm hearing that you invented the hamburger?? I SHOWED YOU how to make one! Do you even know when the hamburger was created? You could at least mention me in your next press release!

P.S. We still on for Movie Night? I picked up a copy of "Memento", I think you'll like it.


Mike



From: "Jong Kim" (juchemaster@gmail.com)

Comrade, you are mistaken. I showed you how to make gogigyeopbbang. You need to get your facts straight before you go running off of your mouth. Anyway, I am busy this weekend and won't make movie night. besides, I saw Memento back when it was called "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me."

Pick another movie and if i can I'll show up next weekend.

your Comrade,

Il

P.S. "Sleepless".



From: "Mike Dame"

OMFG i'm not Watching that suckass movie with you again! If you would stop wearing your mother's combat boots, maybe you wouldn't get made fun of so much. and Twin Peaks sucked becuase the plot was all needlessly twisty. and you DIDN'T CREATE the Hamburger, fucktard, so stop saying that! people are making fun of you on the internet. goddamn! WTF has gotten into you?

Mike


From: "Jong Kim"

I think we need a break. You're still all hung up on that woman anyway and you're getting needlessly hostile towards me and my family. I'll call you in a few days.

P.S. Don't come by. The party will arrest you. I'm sorry, but my mom is a hero of the people and you can't insult her like that. I don't mind you talking trash to me about me, but you really should have left my mom out of it. Fatass.

P.P.S. The internet can suck my socialist balls.


From: Mike Dame
Attached file Checked and downloaded: jongsecks.jpg




go to Hell. You used me for my movies and Video games. you and your mom can go chug dick for all I care. I seriously needed your help and you spurned me. here's what i think about you buddy. Also, you're not socialist. Socialists don't inherit thier position of power from thier daddy. I wouldn't visit your damn country anyway, though I'm sure you'll make lots of other friends who will enjoy boiled rice and sawdust you low-rent rodney dangerfield suit wannabe. asshole. Also, good luck on your stupid science project. I Judged 6th grader's projects that were better than yours. Dickhead.




From: "Erasmus Thecat" (eraserthecat@gmail.com)

To: "Mike Dame"


Why is your friend Kim emailing me and asking me some weird questions about rocket kits? Did you refer him to me? I'm kinda busy with the Enron bankruptcy right now, but it's almost wrapped up. Do you know if he's good for the money? Normally I wouldn't work with him(he always kinda creeped me out) but I'm looking to get a new litterbox.

Let me know, okay?

Erasmus F. Thecat, Esq.

Internet Lawyer and Celebrity Porn Star Extraordinaire



As you can see, what started as a bit of a tiff rapidly turned into an all-out crisis.


So again, for what it's worth, I'm sorry.

But he really is a sack of assholes.



I never went to school
If I did I would have majored in killing

First off, congratulations to Unknunkie and RVZ.

My Grandmother(Gma in the hood) has long been a silent sufferer of my antics. Often, she would just look with slightly disinterested eyes and ask "what the fuck is wrong with you?" as I would do something undoubtedly stupid, such as running through the house(not always clothed), singing like I just became a member of Jonestown asking where the windex is. She makes up for this by hating everyone in the world, With the exception of three people:

1. Jason the ultra-conservative(and even then, she once thought that he, being about three years my senior, was suppling me with liquor when i was a freshmen in high school). She would often remark why I couldn't be more mild-mannered like him.

2. Bundy, who she liked because he was a "good 'ol boy", and that meant a lot for someone whose hometown was Olmsted. She would often remark why I couldn't me a bit more in touch with my country roots like he was.

3. Brandocrap. I have no idea why, either.

Outside of them, She had not much else but a constant stare and a sneer for everyone else, including me. It took me the greater half of twenty years, but I think I finally won her over(as opposed to the aforemented three who had almost no work to do to win her blackened heart).

Anyway, me and Gma have always been a source of entertainment for each other. She would tell me stories and I would curse like a sailor and throw a fit while she would watch me play video games. During my less profane times, we'd simply watch TV and good times were had by all.

The point of this backstory is because today, Gma Dropped a bomb on me.

I was sitting down at the kitchen table eating some waffles with her and Moms, when I get the bright idea of giving myself a syrup beard. Mom, long used to my antics, took the syrup away before I could enact upon such a plan, claiming that we would be "out of syrup" for her vile and disgusting pancakes. (Ladies, the line forms to the left. No pushing, please.)

"There's two whole bottles in the pantry, genius. I could drink that bottle and you'd never be the wiser. Now give it back so i can make myself look like the Blackbeard of Molasses."(again, Line's on the left.)

Between me and Moms bickering, Gma pipes in. "Don't Drink that Syrup! You'll give yourself worms!"

Huh?

She continues to explain to me that that's how Dogs and Cats get worms, and that I'll give them to myself if I drink a whole bottle of syrup, a la Supertroopers. Whilst trying to explain to her that worms are picked up differently, I asked her if she also thought that mice came from dirty rags.

She looked at me like I just said the stupidest thing in the world, and remarked "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I can't believe you went to college."

In other news... well, you're not ready for that yet. We'll save that for another update.


What if we get Def Leppard to do it?
No! We fucking hate this song! We hate it!

Quiz Time, Readers.

Who out of this list Has been shot Nine times, stabbed, hung or strangled, and lived to tell about it? Remember, they have to qualify for all three.

1. Missouri State Trooper Brandon Brashear

2. 50 Cent

3. Monica Seles

4. Gregori Rasputin

5. My new boss

6. John "Babbacombe' Lee



Give up? All have suffered at least one, but only number 5 has done all three. Yes, he actually told one of the employees he has been shot nine times. WTF?

And you know what? I totally believe him. It sounds absurd, I know, but when you look at my curriculum vitae, you begin to see just how weak his Kung Fu really is. Take a look at some of my more minor accomplishments(the big ones I can't really talk about, you know, National Security and whatnot):

Recieved an F minus in Algebra 2, one of the few students EVER at C.C.H.S. to do so.

Beat Metroid 40 times in one Night. Yes I used the JUSTIN BAILEY code but regardless....

Read Microsoft Windows' EULA down to the last word.

Got laid in a parking lot of a hotel by a hot chick. in Canada.

Rode a Tyranosaurus Rex.

Partied with Digital Underground.

Got laughed at by James Hetfield at the '97 Metallica show @ the Keil for falling into the row below me after rocking out a little too hard.

Discovered a lesbian relationship between Samus Aran and Lara Croft. Took pictures. Got sued.

ALMOST killed the last living unicorn, thereby sending the world into a never-ending Age of Darkness. If it hadn't been for fucking Tom Cruise....

Killed a Terrasque by rolling natural 20's for an hour straight, then casting wish. My AD&D homies know what i'm talking about. 2E REPREZENT BITCHES!

Time-traveled in a phone booth.

Shot Andy Warhol.

Drank 70 beers at Herrinfest and lost my phone in a port-o-potty.

Taught Kim Jong-il how to make a hamburger, but then he went off and told his friends that HE invented it. Asshole. Last time I ever invite him over for "Movie night".

Learned to tie my shoes....at 14.

Fought the Predator and won by sissorkicking.

Fought Mike Tyson and lost, disqualified by sissorkicking. Damned rules and regulations.

Fought Voltron And lost. I never had a chance.

Beat Vin Diesel, Chuck Norris, and Bill Brasky in a game of Trival Pursuit.

Honorary Member of: PALS4LIFE, SIU Alumni Association, the Foot Clan, John A. Logan Biology Club, Naked Death, Better Business Bureau, X-men, The Recording Industry Assocation of America, Hellfire Club, and The local Rotary and Lion's clubs.


Yeah. Superman's got nothin on me.


I have seen too much
I haven't seen enough

Goddamn, I need to stay off the compy when i'm plastered like that. I don't even remember posting my suicide plan. Now I got to come up with a something different.

I'm working on getting back on the ball here, folks. I have a few things rolling around in my head that I hope is as good typed out as they are in my mind right now.

Since I "gifted" those of you loyal enough to check throughout July with a month of shitty, shitty poetry(thankfully, little even made it on the site), i'm gonna do something different; i'm going to throw up a vote.

What do you want to read about first? Take your pick:

1. White Power Singles

2. Verizon Wireless is a fucking Joke and I can prove it

3. Porno-Tanning

4. Harlot, Thy name is World of Warcraft

5. Livingdead kicks babies when angry

You got till Thursday to decide. If nobody votes, then you're all assholes and I'll just post pictures of kittens along with MORE shitty poetry that even I won't be able to look at for more than 5 minutes before wanting to kick myself in the Crotch. Do not tempt me on this.

Welcome back, regular readers.


Just stare
Relive the nightmare

Damnit.

I have been sucked Hook, Line, and Sinker into World of Warcraft. between that and the New job i have not been giving you, my dear readers, the attention you so fairly deserve. I wish to apologize for that. I do hav a plethora of Stuff to talk about, but it's going to have to wait for a month, as it is July.



For those of you that are New(ish) to this concept, I usually use July as my month of "writing whatever the hell i feel like", which translates into my half-assed attempt to write stories, as opposed to commenting on current events, whatever the hell's going on with my life, or the crazy stories that spawn from work. July is usually my lowest month as far as regular reader, so there's usually not too many complaints.

I usually post this warning in June, but as i've not been a good boy as far as updating, I thought I'd take the first day and post this little warning. If you don't like to amateur fiction, Come back in August.

I chime in
Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?

Not much to say, sorry.

I'm going to be a Manager! W00t!.

To counterbalance that, I came home from work to find out that my MP3 Drive is roached. all my music is gone.

FUCK.

The luck giveth, and The luck taketh away.

Could be worse, I suppose. I could have found out that i just won a Bazillion dollars and then find out i'm going to die in a few weeks from a Deadly Strain of Herpes or something.

Anyway, off to the Sunset Concerts to celebrate.

Silly monkeys
Sive them thumbs
They forge a blade

Game 7.

Oilers vs. Canes on NBC. Tonight.

And the local affiliate is carrying it. I know what I'm doing tonight.

Nothing else to day today for the moment. Sorry kiddos.

Go Oilers.

What are we going to do?

Well, that was a shitty weekend.


The Main event(other than going through let another letdown) was getting my old copy of Full Throttle running on my current PC. One would think that a 10+ year old game would be a cinch to run, but it's not. But thanks to ScummVM and my packrat abilities, I got to enjoy one of the last great click and point adventures of the 90's again. I do miss playing my old games. Such "winners" like Critical Path, Iron Helix, and Rise of The Triad I have held onto over the years in the idea that I will at some point take one of my old computers and rig it with an older OS so as to play said games. If I could find a virtual machine for these games, I would probably forget all about how Half life 2 likes to fuck up on me every two months and not get tempted to buy World of Warcraft. Guess I'll just have to stick toBraminar and NetHack for now. Nothing wrong with the classics, mind you.

The Trent Reznor and Peter Murphy duet on "Head Like a Hole" is fucking awesome.

I did get a nice perkup in the mail today, thanks to SquirrelGirl for the Autograph of The Great One. I literally fipped out at the parking lot at work when I saw what it was. You wouldn't happen to like wine, would you?

Other than that, I'm off till friday and well, life is awesome!



Oh come on, you don't really believe I really meant that last part After this weekend, do you?


And if i could just reach you maybe i could leave this place

Happy 6/6/06! May you dine eloquently on the entrails of lesser animals such as yourself as you worship your various dark gods!

Or just do housework, or your regular job. Whatever floats your boat.

Raining blood
From a lacerated sky

I've been really wondering what I should write here for my sendoff. I haven't really been stressing about it, but I did make a promise to put something up before I go. At first, I thought about pointing you towards a game. Then I thought about maybe you would appreciate something to chew on mentally. Or Perhaps, I should upload a screenshot or two of What kid of madness I delve into with Half-Life 2(that is, when it's working for me and not stuttering worse than Quake 1 on dialup, goddamnit).

Then I thought... well, it's 1:30 in the morning, I'm tired as shit, and I'm leaving in roughly 6 hours, and i'm going to be doing this on the road, so the hell with it.

So, there's your update.

See ya on the road.

They choose the path that no one goes

Super Coast Death Trip 2: Electric Boogaloo in five days.

Like last time, I will be update at every available oppurtunity. I wanted to do this on the California Trip, but Newblood was down, so the only people who got updates was the denziens at SOI/BWR(I had reposted them all in one long article at one time back on Bloghorn, but appearantly is was lost somehow though the various changes that happened to the page that I really didn't care for, but Ben was nice enough to try to help a whiny bitch like me out). This time, as long as internet access is available, I will make updates. I know I haven't been too keen on doing it as of late, but you know, that Real Life thing just keeps getting in the way.

Anyway, back to the map. It's pretty self-explanatory, except for two things: The route isn't a complete replica as Streets and Trips favors interstates, hence no representation of Vermont, and the route home isnt shown. It should be as simple as getting on 64 and zipping back to IL, but there's the off chance(time willing) that we will go fight sharks in the Carolinas or lay siege to Ted Turner's castle in Atlanta, trebuchet and all. That may sound ludricious to you, but keep in mind that I have encountered a Minotaur and a Land Kraken in Southern Illinois alone, so anything's possible.

Short update, I know, but I'll bang out at least one more before the trip. Promise.


To Kill a Dead Man

So, I've got this theory, and you just became my unwilling test subjects-slash-peer review community.

Go to your CD or DVD collection. Take a good look at it. and I don't mean glance over it real quick just to assure yourself that there isn't anything missing. I mean really look at it. It's okay. I can wait a few minutes.



Okay. As you were browsing your catalog, did you happen to come across anything that particularly stuck out? Like say... A Pink CD amongst your Metallica? Or perhaps a Marilyn Manson CD hidden between Garth Brooks and Toby Keith? Maybe even a Yo-Yo Ma nestled snugly betwixt Nelly and Dre? Maybe You have The Notebook filed in with your Terminator movies, or you have Resident Evil laying atop a Stack of Tom Hanks Movies. Or, better Yet, you, for some Strange reason, have every single LOTR dvd that ever came out, and you never watch them. Ever. And where the hell did that Phil Collins CD come from?

What I'm theorizing is that people have three reasons for such "Sore thumbs" in thier collection:

1. A guilty pleasure. (Guys)You actually LIKE watching A Lot Like Love. You Think Britney Really does a hell of a job on her Debut Album. Kenny G really is good. (Girls) You LOVED Predator. You get a kick out of Korn. In Your Opinion, N.W.A. drops dope-ass rhymes. You actually like the oddball disc in your collection, but you may not be that into the genre it represents. It goes against what you normally listen to or whatever image you have built up yourself to be. You aren't quite embarrassed to hide it as if it were porn, but you hope no one notices it and makes conversation about it should they go browsing through your collection.

2. Social factors. Quite the opposite of the first reason, you want people to see the movie or CD. You may not have watched Schindler's List, Citizen Kane, or the Big Lebowski or listened to the latest Coldplay, Tool, or Jason Mraz CD, but you want people to think you did, or that you were interested enough in it that you bought it. Kind of like how Hawking's A Brief History of Time adorned Many coffee tables, but few people actually read the damn thing. You just hope by having it you seem a bit more cultured in your Media tastes.

3. The opposite sex. You live with your Significant Other. Just like toilet seats in the up position, Tampon boxes, and football during Desperate Housewives, amalgamating the music and movies into one collection is just something you had to dealt with. Most likely, you never even thought about the issue since it isn't a big deal and you don't know what it's like so what the hell are you writing about it?

Well, it sounded interesting in my head. At least it's an update.


And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you?

Let me just get this off my chest....

A Prom in a Hospital? WTF?

Sorry I've been Dr. Neglecto of late. My addictive personality has got me hooked on Lost after seeing one epsiode, and then voraciously going through the season one discs from the store. That, and Half-Life 2 Deathmatch. And Urban Dead. And Work. And a fucked up sleep schedule(sorry I missed your calls last night Slowbek).

Short update for now. Got some topics in the pipe though. Stay tuned.

Spark becomes a flame
Flame becomes a fire
Forge a blade to slay the stranger
Take whatever we desire

Yay. Friday night, and I'm at home. I went drinking with moms last night becuase well, I had nothing else better to do. Actually, I drank, she drove my stupid-drunk ass home. Then I had to work this morning-which was about as fun as a pants full of hungry Graboids.

I should've went and watched Silent Hill like I was going to. Goddamnit i'm too indecisive.

Well, fuck this "single, no free friends tonight, and bored" shit. I'm going to go and find some trouble.

Site update tomorrow. I PROMISE.




I know I won't be leaving here with you

It's about time.

Not much to say. So-so weekend. some parts good, other parts I wasn't too happy about.

And I can't say much more than that for now. My brain is mush right now from a lot of things, and I don't have much to say.

More later, after I purge my thought patterns.


I wanna love some more
It'll never be the same
A broken heel like a heart
I'll never walk again

New linkage added.

Alrighty then, enough of the morse code. I don't have much time, but I thought I'd throw a quick one up.

First off: What the hell is "Save the date"? Everytime I hear that phrase, it makes me think that the art of dating(which I am no master of, let's be honest here) is in some state of emergency and needs a cash infusion by way of a benefit concert. I get that it's the new, hip way to say "We're getting married!" but why that phrase? Could we get an expert in here, please? Yes, I'm calling you out, Tman and Sarah.

I got some upkeep I got scheduled with the site in the next couple of days. That's basically a fancy way of saying "I'm going to try to figure out how to clone another one of those side boxes in HTML, and I'm most likely going to fuck it up, so bear with me". I got myself an SD card Reader about two weeks ago, and I've yet to install it onto my compy. Kinda shows you what to expect out of me as far as getting my photo archive back online. That, and I want to gauge How much bandwidth it might eat up.

Anyway, time to commute to work. More later, if I don't get sucked back into Urban Dead or whatever else I might find to amuse my time.


We can be numb

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.... . / -. .- - ..- .-. . / --- ..-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -... ..- ... .. -. . ... ... / -.. --- . ... / -. --- - / -. . -.-. . ... ... .- .-. .. .-.. -.-- / -- .- - - . .-. .-.-.- / ..-. --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- ... ... .. ... - .- -. -.-. . --..-- / .-- . / .- .-. . / --- ..-. ..-. . .-. .. -. --. / -.-- --- ..- / ...-- ----- / --- ..-. / - .... . / - --- - .- .-.. / ... ..- -- --..-- / -.... ----- / ..-. --- .-. / -- . / .- -. -.. / -- -.-- / ..-. .- -- .. .-.. -.-- / .-- .... .. .-.. . / .---- ----- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -... . / -- .- .--. .--. . -.. / --- ..- - / ..-. --- .-. / .- -. -.-- / . -..- .--. . -. ... . ... / .-- . / -- .- -.-- / .. -. -.-. ..- .-. . / -.. ..- .-. .. -. --. / - .... . / -.-. --- ..- .-. ... . / --- ..-. / - .... .. ... / - .-. .- -. ... .- -.-. - .. --- -. .-.-.- / .-- . / .-- .. ... .... / - --- / .. -. ...- . ... - / --- ..- .-. / .--. .- .-. - / --- ..-. / - .... . / -- --- -. . -.-- / --- -. / -.-. --- -- -- . .-. -.-. .. .- .-.. / .--. .-. --- .--. . .-. - -.-- / -... .- ... . -.. / --- -. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- -.. ...- .. -.-. . .-.-.- / ..-. .. -. .- .-.. .-.. -.-- --..-- / .- .-.. .-.. / .-- . / -.. . -- .- -. -.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -.-- --- ..- / .. ... / .- ... ... ..- .-. .- -. -.-. . / - .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -. --- - / ... .. - / --- -. / - .... .. ... / -- --- -. . -.-- / .-- .... . -. / .. - / ..-. .. -. .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / --. . - ... / - --- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .--. . .-. ... --- -. .- .-.. / --- .-. / -.-. --- -- .--. .- -. -.-- .----. ... / .- -.-. -.-. --- ..- -. - / .. -. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -.-. --- ..- -. - .-. -.-- .-.-.- / .. ..-. / - .... .. ... / .--. .-. --- .--. --- ... .- .-.. / .. ... / .- -.-. -.-. . .--. - .- -... .-.. . / -... -.-- / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / .--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.-. --- -. ..-. .. .-. -- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .. -. - . .-. . ... - / ...- .. .- / - .... . / .- -... --- ...- . / - . .-.. / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- .-. / . -....- -- .- .. .-.. / -- . .-.-.- / -... . ... - / .-. . --. .- .-. -.. ... --..-- / ... - . ...- . / .--. . -.. .-. --- / -.--.- ..-. --- .-. / - .... . / ..-. .- -- .. .-.. -.-- -.--.- .-.-.-


-. --- / --- -. . .----. ... / .... . .- .-. -.. / .- / ... .. -. --. .-.. . / .-- --- .-. -.. / .. .----. ...- . / ... .- .. -..

I remember saying that I was done with the S in an earlier post, and I think I really, really mean it this time. I had a good time friday night, but the juke still sucks(Seriously, WTF happend to the Tune Search?), and while I met a very cool person from Indiana that night(hi Jess if you're reading this, sorry about that night), it just dosen't feel like home anymore.

The only reason I even got out on St. Livingdead's Zombieabercrombiepocalypse now Day(the real name of St. patricks day and YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE FOOL) was because Hooter and her friend dragged me out to play some darts. They left after about an hour, and since I had to wait a while before getting back on Urban Dead(A game I like so much I have to plug twice) and there's only so much of Subspace I can take before I realise that I'm rotting away my friday night playing a ten year old online game. Not that I had much to do anyway, but regardless.

Saturday was an early wake up call for me thanks to Brandocrap, then right into my Meleemancer for some Nightmare Diablo 2. Mass dorkage ensued, then to Walt's for a lil gathering of Friends, moving back to the Slowbeks for cake and a game of dominoes. Thanks to Slowbek, I got to go all "high class an shit" with the lambrusco in a knockoff SOLO cup. rawk. Makes for a wonderful wine headache the next day, let me tell ya.

Well, time for a sad attempt at sleep so I can wake up for work. That's me being cheery.



There is no hell
Like an old hell

Oh. Your. God.

Words fail me. I don't think think there's a single word in the dictonary that could sum up what I just saw. I was going to actually talk about something, but I stumbled across this...Something, and promptly forgot any and all everything that I was going to talk about. It was nowhere near as important as to bestow this little wonder of the internet upon my... Hold on a second...dozens of loyal readers.

Look. Read. Laugh like it's me doing the numa numa dance.

I don't think it is after reading through some of the comments on the site, but I'm really hoping this is just a segment and not a representative of the upper east coast, though it could have a Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom enchantment to it. That is, if I get to dress up like Marlin Perkins. Otherwise, no deal.


Jesus. Can't...Stop...Staring. It's like a trainwreck that derailed into a jackknifed semi because a Chinook crashed on the interstate.

One of these days I'm going to a long update. Promise.


Thinking you’re the man but you’re only a stand in

Fuck me running, I'm a goddamned petri dish for disease. I catch my manager's flu last week, and now I got the trots. thanks, whoever gave me the 'rhea.

I'm sure that's exactly what you wanted to hear today. I'll bet you woke up, with one burning question on your mind: "just what is going through Livingdead's colon?" I'd be prepared to say that I have dumped the tattered remains of my mote of a soul into the mouth of an angry porcelain god.

Well, I hope I made your day. and I hope you were eating some delish, mushy chocolate-flavored ice cream when you were reading that. score me double points if the above is true. If not, then I'm sorry I ruined your appetite for said enticing soft-serve by talking about my pooping schedule. But hey, that's that blog's are for: Ego masturbation via having people read your most boring and/or sick details about your life.

More later, because I do actually have stuff to talk about. I gotta see about getting a tampon jammed up there for a bit or something. That's what you do with those things, right?


'Cause here me and KG come naked
Out of the side hatch
With the oils and perfume and incense

Being sick all weekend is AWESOME. I finally got to the point where I'm keep food down.
Heard it was a shitty weekend for a lot of people, too. I'm still not feeling all right in the head(but when have I ever been right in the head?) so this is it for tonight. didn't help that during one of my trips on the internet friday night I saw, bar none, one of the sickest sites I've ever seen. I'm not even going to post the link because it's just fucking gross. Sad part is i don't even think it's supposed to be a shock site.

Anywho, that's all for me. I'm going to finish being sick and bitter.


Disease, disease is draining me

Short and to the point. Just like me in sex HA HA

Eraser Has Colored himself Green. No one has figured out how yet.

Domino Is a kickass Movie and you should break your neck to see it. Awesome action flick.

Two hours of sleep + work=Loopy Livingdead.

As such, you get treated to a variation of the Nigerian advance fee fraud as read by Blackbeard:

Me name be Abdulla Hassan, A Bahrain national I ben diagnosed wi'
Oesophageal cancer .'t has defiled all forms o' medical treatment, an' starboard
now I be havin' only about a wee moons t' live, accordin' t' medical experts.
I be havin' nay particularly lived me life so well, as I nerereally
cared fer anyone(nay e'en myself)but me business. Tho I be very rich, I
be neregenerous, I be always hostile t' swabbies an' only focused on me
business as that be th' only thin' I cared fer. But now I regret all this
as I now know that thar be more t' life than jus' wantin' t' be havin' or make
all th' treasure in th' world. I believe when God gives me a second chance t'
come t' this world I would live me life a different way from how I be havin'
lived 't. Now that God has called
me, I be havin' willed an' gi'en most o' me property an' assets t' me
smart-like an' extended family members as well as a wee close shipmates .I
want
God t' be merciful t' me an' accept me soul so, I be havin' decided t' give alms
t' charity organizations, as I want this t' be one o' th' last good
deeds I do on earth. So far, I be havin' Distributed treasure t' some charity
organizations in th' U.A.E, Somalia an' Malaysia. Now that me health has
deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked
members o' me family t' close one o' me accounts an' distribute th' treasure
which I be havin' thar t' charity organization in Bulgaria an' Pakistan, they
refused an' kept th' treasure t' they's self. Hence, I do nay trust them
anymore, as they seem nay t' be contended wi' what I be havin' portfor them. Th'
last o' me treasure
which nay one knows o' be th' huge cash deposit o' Eighteen Million
pieces o' eight($18,000,000,00) that I be havin' wi' a finance House abroad. I
will want ye t' help me collect this deposit an' despatch 't t' charity
organizations.
N/B:KINDLY NOTE THAT 20% o' this funds must go t' th' tsunami victims
an' another 10% fer yer effort an' time.




Sorry this update sucks. I'm really tired and not making sense to myself.


Insomnia please release me and let me dream
About making mad love on the heath
Tearing off tights with my teeth

type type type this is my update

been killing a lot of time with some java games. hell i stopped writing this for half an hour becuase i was too bust playing War of the Hell. i orginally was going to talk about the Falling sand game(you can find the Orginal here), but i have found this weird ass site(i think it was on fark once or something) that has all thiese variations on falling sand and the aforemented "war of the hell")

yeah, sorry. started playing again. here's the link so some variations of the game. It's in some asian script, but the important stuff is in english. dick around with like and waste the rest of the evening, like i did.


okay, i really can't concentrate because i keep playing this stupid game. at least i'm off my Rumble Box Kick.


dont understand the three question marks
It's like a fire that won't go out

We're up, and we're running proper, after a long haitus, on my own domain, where I have more control over what happens to my site. I know the code better, and I feel more free to express myself.

I have my history up, which was very important to me. Going back and reading some of the things I wrote in the years past was like looking at a completely different person. Two years of wildly swinging emotions crammed into about a week span can really drain and jade a person.

Anyway, so here it is. I still have a couple of behind-the-scenes things to do, but from now on, this is where I'll be writing, So change your links accordingly, and i'll promise some decent updates as they happen.


if want is luxury and need is revenge
the need was burning holes in me last night

Sometimes, I think of my semen as an Oort cloud.

Yeah, you think that’s disgusting, but try masturbating when you have that in your head coupled with a Primus Song. Really kills the mood.

I just had to share that with you.

And yes I know I’m a weirdo.


Livingdead


Here I come Constantinople
Here I come Constantinople
I am coming Constantinople
Here I come

So, I'm bored, I'm on the internet, and I couldn't will myself to go play a game(which is terrible, mind you).

what do I end up doing?

Watching TV. on the internets.

Now, you might be thinking "wow, that's pretty goddamn cool".
well, yes and no.

Going here will show you a metric assload of channels that broadcat on the internet. here's the problem: a good portion of it is Christian TV, and I like watching sermons and prayer sessions about as much as I like going to church(i.e. I don't).

the rest of it is community access, which given it's nature, isn't on at 4 in the morning. then you have the "business" channels, which are... you know what? let's just put it this way. it's not CATV. At least Cable has sometimes interesting infomercials.

So, enough of america's Suckass internet TV. Hey, i'm quasi-cultural, i'm willing to take a taste of the World. So I took a look at International Internet TV.

After an abortive attempt to find a Canadian Station that might have Women's Soccer or Hockey, i hopped over to Japan, to which I was treated to a lengthy interview of some J-pop musician who appearantly just had a new CD come out. Well, it's No tentacle-rape hentai, but i bet it was interesting, but that whole "I don't speak japanese" thing kinda interfered with me being able to understand what the hell they were saying.

So, i skip to a part of the world who is in the current events. Iran. there's a Network based out of LA, so maybe it's in english. Oil, Planes, Dead people, and other stuff, All in Persian. nope. this dosen't interest me either. thought the News Bits were Interspliced with some crazy Heavy techno, but that's about it. My American Attention span will not stand for this. I must find something NOW.

And then I did. stumbling upon The Netherland netTV Station festival TV was a god send. images of Hot chicks in bikinis on the beach, speaking Dutch(I assume), with music in english. Awesome.

I mean, how can you go wrong when you hear lyrics "let me entertain you" and "i wanna have sex on the Beach"? Well, Okay, There was a Male assshot, and more guys about that i would have cared for and then the beach boys played, and my Bikini Boobies were gone, replaced with concert footage of a group called Faithless. I wasn't too happy about my foreign bikini-clad boobies being replaced by a seal-looking guy hopping around on stage Singing Europop, but you know what? considering what else i had already watched tonight, I was content. hell, the song wasn't even half-bad. I'd listen to it again, maybe. But i'd much rather watch foreign Bikini Boobies. Mettchen, If you see this, could you give me an idea of what the hell I watched?

now I'm going to go to bed before i find out that all the channels I watched tonight were all cleverly-disguised Gospel Channels.



Livingdead



Just below my skin I'm screaming

Stuff to talk about, but I didn’t type it up becuase I got into a long IM conversation with a Lovely lady from upstate. I worked a split-shift monday and really need to go to bed. promise I’ll make an update about events after work.

Eraser, however, has been a busy little shit. no one emails him, so he has taken to replying to the spammers(you’d get a bit stircrazy too if you learned to use the internet and sleep for 20 hours a day)


From: service@paypal.com
To: eraserthecat@gmail.com
Date: Jan 22, 2006 11:26 AM
Subject: Unauthorized Access Report (KMM9755003V34721L0KM)

Dear PayPal customer,

We recently noticed one or more attempts to log in to your PayPal account
from a foreign IP address.

If you recently accessed your account while traveling, the unusual log in
attempts may have been initiated by you. However, if you did not initiate
the log ins, please visit PayPal as soon as possible to verify your
identity:


Verify your identity is a security measure that will ensure that you are
the only person with access to the account.

Thanks for your patience as we work together to protect your account.

Sincerely,
PayPal


((the context is kinda lost, but it’s essentially a phishing scam))


a web-reply(since Paypal dosen’t like to publish it’s address)

Hi.

I got this email a couple of days ago. While I am sure you run an excellent service, we have a problem. I’m not a member, and unless you begin accepting plastic bottle caps as currency, I doubt I ever will. why?

Because I am a Cat.

Seriously, let me know if you guys start taking bottle caps. I have a stash of them under my master’s(I use that term loosely, as us _Felis cattus_ are our OWN masters) basement Stairs and icebox. I’d love to unload them for some catnip. That shit’s great. Probably not so much for you humans, but I gotta tell ya, you haven’t flown unless you’ve done three rails of nip and pissed in your master’s shoes becuase you thought it was kinda funny. I should use that stuff more often, since I run my ass off when i’m high, and I’m getting kinda fat since I learned how to Surf the internet.

anyway, I hope we can resolve this in a professional manner. Meow.

Sincerely,
Erasmus F. Thecat, Esq.
Internet Lawyer and potential Mensa member



and another:

From:Credit Union Security Service (Ohhh, clever. sure you didn’t mean ncua.gov?)
Reply-To: support@cuna.org
To: eraserthecat@gmail.com
Date: Jan 25, 2006 12:25 PM
Subject: Update Your Account Information

In attention of all Credit Union customers,


screening the accounts in our system. We recently reviewed your account,
and we need more information to help us provide you with secure service.
Until we can collect this information, your access to sensitive account
features will be limited. We would like to restore your access as soon
as possible, and we apologize for the inconvenience.


Why is my account access limited?

Your account access has been limited for the following reason(s):
* We would like to ensure that your account was not accessed by an
unauthorized third party. Because protecting the security of your
account is our primary concern, we have limited access to sensitive
Credit Union account features. We understand that this may be an
inconvenience but please understand that this temporary limitation is
for your protection.

(Your case ID for this reason is PCU1-818-214-242146.)


At Credit Union, one of our most important responsibilities to you, our
customer, is the safekeeping of the nonpublic personal ("confidential")
information you have entrusted to us and using this information in a
responsible manner. Appropriate use of the confidential information you
provide us is also at the heart of our ability to provide you with
exceptional personal service whenever you contact us.


How can I restore my account access?


Please confirm your identity here: Restore My Online Banking and complete the "Steps to Remove Limitations."
(Link removed)
Completing all of the checklist items will automatically restore your
account access.


To: Credit Union

From: Erasmus Thecat
Greetings.


Here’s Some information for you to update with.

I’m a fucking cat.

Can i have access to my account now? I need to buy some prosthetic Balls to impress the local Alley Queans becuase my dumbfuck owner had me Neutered. and Claws. Genius seems to think that Excercising the ’ole claws on some furniture is tantamount to stealing in the Muslim world.

As you can See, I’m in a real Bind. please free up my account Soon. I tried submiting my pertinent information but your webserver seems to be down. I hope you Resolve this soon. and throw in some Nine Lives Food for the inconvenience you’ve caused me.


Sincerely,
Erasmus F. Thecat, Esq.
Internet Lawyer and Backup Keyboardist for Dream Theater




Livingdead

Man I sure do love them red haired girls
Im just like all the boys from Texas

I’ve been up too damn long Penis Gourd work slow actually did stuff was supposed to Ill show you my hammer of justice want to play games but must sleep Goddamn you Gene Rayburn Never stand in the way of a fat man and a bowl of chicken and dumplins lives will be lost The Constant Gardner kicks ass Burn in hell Westboro Baptist Church You said you’d bake us a cake! okay goodbye


Livingdead


Lost inside the boundary

Right. Been a while since I’ve updated. Sorry bout that.

Anywho, not a whole lot to say, really. Got some things cooking on the burner that just might get me off of bloghorn and on my own website, just gotta get a couple queries cleared, and we’ll see how that pans out.

New years was good, And i’ve been sucked into the vortex of Diablo 2 yet again. that, and I got ahold of Resident Evil 4 again. I’d play it, but I’m a scared little bitch and won’t play the game late at night because it creeps the fuck out of me.

I got an email in my spam account(thanks, Yahoo!) not too long ago. normally, I dump ths shit like everyone else does, except for one particular type of spam - the advance fee fraud. I’ve talked about this stuff back on the old blog before. Here’s the email(in all caps and shittily formatted, for the sake of the hearing impaired, i’m sure):


DEAR DAME,

I AM VERY SORRY FOR THE EMBARRASEMENT THIS MAIL MIGHT CAUSE YOU,AS WE
HAVE NOT MET BEFORE. I AM BARRISTER FRANK IDEH,A SOLICITOR AT LAW. I AM THE
PERSONAL ATTORNEY TO LATE ENGINEER PAUL DAME,WHO USED TO WORK WITH
SHELL OIL COMPANY HERE IN NIGERIA.

HEREIN AFTER SHALL BE REFFERED TO AS MY CLIENT.ON THE THE 21ST OF
AUGUST 2002,MY CLIENT, HIS WIFE AND THEIR CHILDREN WERE INVOLVED IN A CAR
ACCIDENT ON THEIR WAY RETURNING FROM THE BEACH.ALL OCCUPANT OF THE VEHICLE
UNFORTUNIATELY LOST THEIR LIVES.SINCE THEN,I HAVE MADE SEVERAL
ENQUIRIES TO LOCATE ANY OF MY CLIENT’S EXTENDED RELATIVES BUT THIS HAS PROVEN
UNSUCCESSFUL.I CAME ACROSS YOUR NAME AND CONTACT WHEN I WAS SEARCHING
FOR MR. DAME’S RELATION,BUT MY SEARCH WAS UNSUCCESSFUL.SO,I CONTACTED YOU
FOR THIS PROJECT. I AM CONTACTING YOU TO ASSIST IN REPATRIATING THE MONEY
AND PROPERTIES LEFT BEHIND BY MY CLIENT BEFORE THEY GET CONFISCATED OR
DECLARED UNSERVICEABLE BY THE FINANCE COMPANY,WHERE THESE FUNDS WERE DEPOSITED.

PARTICULARLY,THE BANK WERE THE DECEASED HAS AN ACCOUNT VALUED USD$9.8
MILLION DOLLARS,LAST YEAR ISSUED ME 12 MONTHS NOTICE TO PROVIDE THE
NEXT OF KIN OR HAVE THE MONEY CONFISCATED,AND THIS ALTIMATUM EXPIRES BY THE
NEXT MONTH.

SINCE I HAVE BEEN UNSUCCESSFUL IN LOCATING THE RELATIVES FOR OVER TWO
YEARS NOW, I SEEK YOUR CONSENT TO PRESENT YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN OF THE
DECEASED SINCE YOU HAVE THE SAME NAME,SO THAT THE PROCEED OF THIS DEPOSITE
VALUED AT USD$9.8 MILLION DOLLARS CAN BE RELEASED TO YOU AND THEN YOU AND I CAN
SHARE THE MONEY.50% FOR ME 45% FOR YOU AND THE REMAINING 5% WILL BE FOR THE
EXPENSES AND TAX.

HE MADE THE MONEY IN ONE OF THE OIL DEALS HE HAD WITH OUR OIL
MINISTER.ALL I REQUIRE IS YOUR HONEST CO-OPERATION TO ENABLE US SEE THIS BUSINESS
THROUGH.

I GUARANTEE THAT THIS WILL BE EXECUTED UNDER A LEGITIMATE ARRANGEMENT
THAT WILL PROTECT YOU FROM ANY BREACH OF THE LAW.IT IS 100% RISK FREE.

PLEASE FORWARD TO ME THESE INFORMATION:

1.YOUR FULL NAMES AND CONTACT ADDRESS.
2.AGE AND OCCUPATION
3.TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION

AS SOON AS I RECIEVE THESE INFORMATIONS, I WILL INFORM YOU THE NEXT
STEP.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.


YOUR FAITHFULLY.
BARRISTER FRANK IDEH


Now, normally, I get a chuckle and save them for later reading when I actually do go through my yahoo account, which is about once a month.

but Boredom can be a very naughty mistress, and We Had a hell of a time tonight.


Date: Mon, 9 Jan 2006 02:59:46 -0600
From: "Erasmus Thecat"
To: frankideh_9@msn.com
Subject: NOTICE OF RECIEPT

Mr. IDEH,

My name is Erasmus Thecat, Attorney and Legal Guardian of a Mr. Dame,
whom you contacted recently concerning the death of his relative,
Paul.

My client was in an accident himself himself back in 2004. Remarkably
he survived, but not without sustaining major brain injury after
laying catatonic for six months. the injuries sustained left him
invalid, and I took him as my legal ward as a posthumous favor to his
parents. It is fortunate that his parents, who died when he turned
19, left him with a fortune that he did not spend gratitutiously, and
as such, has been placed within good care. Mr. Dame’s funds, while
certainly considerable, are sure not to last forever. So it is
fortunate that you did contact my client.

However, my ward would be outraged if he were to know that you intend
to take 50 percent of what is his LEGAL inheritance. In fact, I am
appalled for him that you would seek to "share" what is rightfully his.
I will not pretend to know Nigerian inheiritance laws, but I can
assure you that I will be seeking injunctions on behalf of my charge
of this financial company that seeks to confiscate this inheiritance,
as well if you intend to take more than 20 percent, less fees and
taxes comeing out of your percentage.

Being an attorney yourself, you can see that I am acting in the best
interest of my Retarded charge, and I will continue to do so. As
such, any further correspondance with my client should be done through
me at this email address, and once more favorable terms have been
worked out, We can begin the process.

Your Expedient Reply is requested regarding this legal matter.


Sincerely,



Erasmus F. Thecat, Esq.
Legal Guardian



And there ya go. an update for the masses. And yes, The addess and email is real.


Livingdead



Make it like a godsend
Feeling like a has-been

Despite the wealth of material I would be able to reap from it, I don't really write about my dreams too much. Partly because this isn't some sort of dream journal stuck next to my bed that’s faggoted up with unicorn and skull stickers. Partly because by the time I get around to banging out an update on here, I forget major chunks of the dream.

The last reason, which is most likely the biggest reason, is becuase I seem to not be able to have a simple "cigar in a cave" dream, where the symbols are easy to digest and interpret upon waking up. oh, lordy no.


No, instead of dreams that hold simple icons that can reflect hidden characteristics and bring greater understanding of one's self, or are the symbol of deep desires that I dearly want, I get:

Hyp-hopping through Wikipedia or IMDB

Playing Game X all night long(usually after a marathon session of playing game in question)

Dreams where I'm fighting Zombies(I used to have these almost nightly, now only about once a week. I kinda miss them)

The infamous "Civil War" dream (Another blog in itself)

A dream I had when I was a teenager that is too complex to put up here(again, one of those another blogs in itself) I wrote a story about it for H.S. English and ended up getting a D- minus Becuase it had absolutely nothing to do with the subject I was supposed to be covering

Working a hideously long shift, complete with an all-star cast of trouble customers, only to get off work, go home, set the alarm and hit the sack, only to be woke up in reality mere minutes after I fall asleep in the dream

"Serial" dreams, where I pick up where a dream left off the night before. these can take up to a week to finish, usually involving zombies or some post-apocalypse scenario(these are actually pretty cool, but never make any goddamned sense)

Teaming up with the ghoulies to fight crime

Last night's dream involved a girl who I would love to get to know better, and yet, becoming completely terrified to attempt to kiss her (despite the "go ahead" Signals she was blatantly sending) and ending up walking out of her house to play a broken pinball machine at Walt's pizza, after Having played the Hero and Saving a school of children from a crazy pedophile Who took the entire school hostage to indulge his fantasy of touching children with Sticks of Butter.


Anyone wanna try and psychology any of that? the online dream interpreters don't have listings for Zombies, Pinball machines, and Sticks of butter, not to mention Cockroaches with human asses and Rabbits with huge male genetalia.

Told ya I was out there.


mdame



go back to sleep

....Petra Hayden and CherieLynn Westrich give me a horrible case of Boneritis.

Also, I suck at Risk, but that won’t hamper my plans to dominate/destroy the world, as I have Mad Chess skillz, yo.

Now, on the other hand.... if, say, a Hostile Alien race from Zasprodut came down and made me play a game of Hero’s Quest. and i had to make it through all 14 quests with one Character... We’re all fucked. Sorry everyone.


something more serious later.


mdame

If the lines can be read between
Maybe you can tell me then what it all means

This is probably going to be a long update, to make up for the lack of quality recently. go grab a drink, light up a smoke, and settle in. this one winds all over the place.


About a month ago, i signed up for the "Meet Me" on HotorNot.com. Basically, you go through a slideshow of people, read a little about them, and then click whether or not you'd Like to meet them. It's interesting, to say the least. I did it out of amusement, and out of some sick sesne that maybe it might work for me, since just about everything else to this point has failed.

the other day, i get this from one of my double-Matches in my email.(my comments in italics):


Hi,
Looks like we matched!(if by "matched', you mean i got tired of clicking NO on Just about every profile because they come across as shallow and conceited, Not to mention living several hundred miles away, then i guess we did match I clicked Yes to you because you're a total
cutie!(you're a goddamned Liar, and a terrible one at that) I am sending this note because I think we could be friends and
maybe more and one of us has to be a Star Member for us to email each
other, and I think the gentleman should pay.So much for the women's movement

Hope to talk to you soon!

M



Most likely, this is HotorNot trying to shill thier premium services, and should be regarded as such.

However, On the Off-hand chance it's not, I sent a response.


M,

Obviously, you didn't read my profile. let me give you a couple of pointers: when i say "I'm still trying to figure out what i want to be when i grew up", that really means "I don't have a good job becuase i made poor life choices, and don't have money, respect, or power. Therefore, I'm not genetically viable." That last Fact is Verified by the statements "I'm a 26y/o Guy", "no Kids" and "Single(for a while now)".

Sorry for the reality. It sucked for me to learn that, too. hope you find what you're looking for.

P.S. I'm not hard to find online. If you really wanted to "be friends and possibly more", you certainly don't need a pay service to find me.

Livingdead(hint, Hint.)

Let it Be known that I no longer wonder why i'm Still single. between this, girl from The Barrell Drive-thru, and the 10 minute Date with Jesusgirl, I'm pretty sure that i'm a insensitive jackass who is too jaded to mantain a functional relationship. Hell, I'm not sure i even want a relationship anymore. i'm just going out and Meeting women now for the outrageous stories.



I've been playing Warcraft 3 for the last week, and i just got to the Night elves Campaign. Christ almighty, i hate these fairies. It's the last campaign, and it shows because it's damned hard. I'm tempted to grab the cheat codes, if, for nothing else, i don't give myself an aneurysm from screaming holy hell at my stupid Night elf Archers, who are only capable of doing one thing: dying.

halfway through the week i thought better and switched to another game, as Any PC gamer knows that Warcraft 3 is a gateway drug to a much darker and more sinister Game: World of Warcraft. So i tried Patrician 3, where i learned that i would have never made it as a 14th Century Trader. I got burned on a Salt and Spice Deal, and that was that.

So, Back to Warcraft, where i didn't have to deal with that kind of Nonsense. Only Stupid Elves.

Confidential to Brandocrap: Your THUG Online victory is Hollow and Meaningless.



How about this...A New Harvey Danger album for free? You bet. Go on, Stick it to the RIAA Legally. You Know you want to. I'll be the first to say i wouldn't have heard this album otherwise. Definately worth paying for the physcial CD on principle alone. not only that, it's easy on the ears.

speaking of organs,i found this Surfing through HackADay. I think it's awesome, but i don't think i'd ever do it myself. Too Nerdcore for me, and i don't wear my glasses enough to justify that. I should, but i don't.


Well, that's about all for today. I Got to figure out a Way to get out of Work friday so i can catch My ride to Joplin. That's another story for another time.


mdame


Progress shall be defined
by your position on the bridge as it burns

Dear World,

I hate you. seriously, i don't even want to be Just friends with you anymore. I hate to be the one writing this breakup note to you, but, there is only so much one can take. Okay, I'll be honest with you, World. I can forgive you for some things, like allowing yourself to be completely explored by the time i was born, and that tizzy we had back when you decided to reverse your Polarization(AGAIN). But other shit has been-


Wait. Strike that. Let's try again:


Dear Hollywood,

Seriously, What the Fuck?

first off, for some goddamned reason, you allowed SIX, count them, SIX Josh Kirby, Time Warrior Movies.

Then, it was Air Bud and that Most valuable Primate thing that some coked up exec thought would be perfect for the family. yeah, great idea. Im betting all those golden retreivers that were promptly dumped off at the animal shelter that never got adopted are just eager to thank you IN HELL WITH NUT BITES.

And don't even get me fucking started on Uwe "Schizer" Boll.

But that JUST WASN'T ENOUGH, WAS IT?

you Just HAD to go and do that which i won't even Speak of, but cursingly will point towards Slowbek's blog and mutter incoherantly. WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?


well, thanks a lot. after all these years, you have convinced me that the world is not worth living in. If you will excuse me, I'm going to go join a Doomsday cult and hope to whatever diety they offer the kool-aid sacrifice to that they're right.

cheers, Assnuts.


mdame


To hasten the nation towards its destruction

This is the story of five guys on a quest for Power and Glory.

it all started out so Well in Independance, MO. A dream of Riches out west:


About seven Days into the trip, Someone made a Grave Miscalculation(although, in my defense, a couple of somebodies roughhousing in the wagon didn't help):


And then... Thirteen Days Later, Slowbek Catches Dickrot Measles from the locals:


With Three Tragic Deaths in a little over 20 days, No one is paying attention that The Oxen were sick as well:



After a good two and a half months of Attempting to Trade with what little goods we had Left, Someone finally Trades an Ox for 3 Wagon Wheels. Things are going good until just Outside Ft. Laramie, when Brandocrap finds the Secret Hidden Corn Whiskey Supply:



With all the money blown(on hookers back at Laramie), Tragedy Strikes yet again, this time in the cold grip of A Montana Winter:




Alone, Broke, Hungry, Cold(goddamned thief stole all our clothes), and hundreds of Miles left on the trip, I can't help but to think that maybe Going west was a bad idea. Alas, I never get to turn around, as the next day, Dysentery Struck the last adventurer.




Got a Hankering for the old computer games you played in school? Give The Virtual Apple A whirl. And before you Start bitching, there's no Snake Byte. Enjoy.


mdame


Can you see the end?
Choke on me my friend

it's Talk like a pirate day. Arrrrrrrrr.

My cellphone service is back. woot.

and here's what's going on the week of Oct22 to the 30th.

(There used to be an image of a map mere))

Between Joplin, The New R.A. Salvatore Book, The Nine Inch Nails concert, and the West Coast Super Death Trip, October is shaping up to be a hell of a month.

mdame


smiling faces always turn away

My Grandmother, Bless her heart, is cool. However, if i had one wish, I would wish she was as cool and Old Grandma Hardcore. The Best i can do, though, is get her to watch as me and brandon kick the shit out of each other on Socom 2, which she does enjoy watching. She also gets a kick out of watching me play games that piss me off. One time, I was playing Super Monkey Ball DX, and I Dropped off a ledge on a certain course for what was probably the 40th time.

What came out of my mouth was a filthy string of words, mostly pertaining to how i was going to take this game, copulate with it in its rectum, and then smash it against a damned Wall, then copulate with the shattered pieces, coat myself in it's blood, and then burn it in effigy to the dark god Bizzmerac.

Then i realized my grandma was sitting on the couch down from me. I looked in her direction, almost positive i was going to get the "you're a horrible person and you're no longer my grandson" look from her. She was grinning ear to ear. "That Game Pissing you off, huh?"

I know that most of you would never think of unleashing a wave of swears in front of your parents, let alone your grandparents, but where do you think I learned my colorful language? Grandma. Hell, it was becuase of her i got a swatted in Kindergarten becuase The teacher asked me to tell the class my name, and i said "Goddamnit Mike." You, Casual Reader, may think it's a bastardization of a Bll Cosby Skit, but then again, you most likely have never met my Grandmother.

every once in a while, she'll meander into the livingroom and sit down while i'm watching a movie. The other night we watched "The Longest Yard". at one point in the movie, after one of the convicts "tackled" another Convict, she commented: "He really hurt him. Is that what you did in high school?"

"Yeah, Kind of. Except we didn't win a whole lot of games and I didn't kick people in the face."

Anyway, Back to Games. DId you see the Nintendo Revolution Controller? take a look.

Now Tell me that dosen't look like a Remote Controlled Sex Egg, with a Knob On it for "Extra Stimulating Pleasure". If the Gamecube Controller looks like a robot threw up on a boomerang, then the Revolution controller is the result of said robot taking a dump after eating a Gamecube Controller.


35 days Will I Meet the Pacific Ocean.

More details for those not in the know Monday.


mdame



You should really quit playing this song

Blah.

Half-life Oppposing Force AND Blue Shift, Neverwinter Nights, Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance 2, and flippy-cup games, cell phone's off for the time being, and i think i'm still hung over from last night. Long weekend, but overall. A good one.


sorry. nothing really exciting to write about, so, in lieu of real content, here's a transcript of a conversation i had the other night which has made me swear off of Yahoo chat forever:

cc (12:12:04 AM): oh yeah
cc (12:12:11 AM): a little drunk here
Me (12:12:20 AM): nothing wrong with that.
cc (12:12:29 AM): and horny...
me (12:12:41 AM): fair enough
me (12:12:53 AM): by the way, i'm a guy.
me (12:13:01 AM): and i'm striaght.
cc (12:13:03 AM): i know
me (12:13:25 AM): good to clear that up
me (12:13:39 AM): usually people think because i have dame in my username, that i'm a woman.
cc (12:13:51 AM): i see your pic
cc (12:14:00 AM): u r definitley a m
cc (12:14:25 AM): u horny?
me (12:14:53 AM): that depends whether or not you're a female.
cc (12:16:12 AM): m here
me (12:16:20 AM): sorry pal.
cc (12:16:26 AM): str8
cc (12:16:41 AM): and horny
me (12:16:43 AM): and so am i
me (12:17:00 AM): but not horny for a dude
cc (12:17:45 AM): u got a thick cock?
me (12:18:13 AM): WTF?
me (12:18:29 AM): well, thanks a lot
cc (12:18:35 AM): for?
me (12:18:38 AM): now i have to go drink myself to sleep.
Ignore

I can't win, folks. I can't win. And how can you be straight and want to kow how thick another guy's dick is? that just raises even more questions.

well, time to go rot my brain more with video games.


mdame


We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say

Go here If you're into Fan Remixes of NIN's Latest Stuff. Personally, I recommend Sefiros' "Recollection remix" of Only, and the 10-35 Productions Remix of "The Hand That Feeds".

So, I was Browing thorugh my hard drive looking for a certain Zip file, and i came across one on my main drive labeled georgous.zip.

"What the fuck is this?" I say, clicking on the Archive(new Computer users, Take note: Don't do this. This is one of the many ways you get a computer virus.)

it's a bunch of .jpg Files.

"what the fuck are these?" I say, clicking on one of the pictures to open in a viewer(New Users, again, Don't do this. you could get h@xz0r3d).

lo and behold, a picture of a nubile woman baring all her bits for the digital eye. this chicka was awesome on Dimensions we haven't even invented yet. i mean... Rawr.

Naturally, I said: "HOLY SHIT! WHERE THE HELL DID THESE COME FROM? I DON"T KNOW THIS CHICK! I DIDN'T TAKE THESE!"

Normally, finding Pr0n on my compy isn't much of a big deal(and if you know me, you shouldn't excatly be suprised. You try being an ugly, rotound slacker and see how many laydees throw themselves at you), but the problem is that i have No Idea where these came from. It's almost like christmas came early for me except, you know... they're just pictures. Can't really have a relationship with a digital image. I tried that With Lara Croft and Two of the Chicks from Final Fantasy 8, and we didn't exactly work out.

It just disturbs me that i had these pictures for so long, and didn't even know of thier existance. Any really Good stuff are under Lock and Key. These, I found Next to a Recipe For Jack Daniels BBQ Sauce. Hell, I dunno either, GUys. My Best Guess Is that I downloaded them One Night While Reading the FARK threads In a drunken Stupor. Which Brings me to another Point: I drink a lot and Hate my life and by extension, Most likely your Life too. Supposedly, that's my way of saying I love you. You kids, and your insight, I tell ya.

Since i can't Show you the Cool Stuff(And in Deference to the Minority Female Audiance I have), you'll Just Have to Settle for the Recipe. If you Use it, I'd appreciate it if you call it "Livingdead's MysteriouS Porno Sauce", Because that's Just Sexy.

_________
think this recipe must come from jack daniels because everything Ive
seen is similar. NOte: I dont use iquid smoke ever, and I vary
amounts on a couple things

1/2 large onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped (I usually mince small)
2 cups ketchup
1/3 cup vinegar (I use wine, you could use rice or whatever)
1/4 cup worstershire sauce
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 cups molasses
1/2 t pepper
1/2 t salt
1/4 cup tomato paste
tabasco and liquid onion to taste
Bourbon or other alcohol to taste

in a heavy pan, saute onion and garlic in bourbon to minutes or until
translucent. Add other ingredients, bring to boil, simmer uncovered
until reduced and thick. I put this in a pastic ketchup style bottle
(I mail it) and then tie something like a chili pepper scarf or napkin
around the top

JIM BEAM BARBECUE SAUCE (Never tried by me)

2 cups ketchup
1 cup Brown sugar, packed
4 tablespoons worstershire sauce
2 t dry mustard
one cup jim beam, kentucky straight
4 tablespoons cider vinegar
4 tablespoons soy
1/2 teaspoon cayenne

sounds yumm

I also had a recipe for potent pork marinade, but im not sure how that
will come out yet either

Also, I have this recipe for jalapena hot fudge that ive been thinking
about.
__________



Go On, You know you just want to Slather yourself up some ribs dripping with Livingdead's Mysterious Porno Sauce. Just like you All Wanted to try my Mysterious Basement Wine. Suckers.


mdame


And now there's nothing left to say
Well nothing that you'd believe

link whore for today. and not a lot of them, either.

I think i finally found a belief structure i like. if that falters under my inpeneratable logic, and there's always my backup choice. unfortunately i have to pay money to get into this one.

meet Legothulu, destroyer of all, devourer of souls, and quite possibly, a cousin of his Noodly Appendage, the Flying Spagetti Monster.

ALL GLORY TO THE FSM!
HEIL! HEIL!


okay, done. work time. tomorrow i will expound on how i am appearantly on the cover of teen Beat Magazine, SI edition.

mdame


Drain you of your sanity
Face the thing that should not be

well, tues night. getting this one in just under the wire. Nearing the end of the month. just one day fading into another.

Went and saw Land of the dead last night. awesome. on the way there, it being a monday night, i noticed a couple of things on my way, got my creative juices aflowin. do not worry though, i shall spare you for now. come july, however, may be the mont you want to skip reading, as i won't be doing a regular "update" per se. I figure i'd warn ya now, that way i won't get a lot of "WTF is this" comments like i did last year.

another odd thing about being in carbondale-and i don't know why i mention this, but i got to thinking of my last adventure in carbondale, with the hot chicks #'s 1 and 2... and i was thinking of some of the other crazy times, and a harken back to an old story(well, not much of a story, more of a declaration/admittance thang)...

I once drive through carbondale with no pants on, just to see if i could do it.

okay, i just creeped myself out. i'm going to stop now. sorry for that mind-scarring update. wait, no i'm not. if you're that mentally scarred, just do what i do: drink in excess. Nightly. As often as Possible. sometimes, you can forget, even if for a little while. Beats trust issue therapy by a country mile. or whatever therapy the image of me with no pants might elicit.


mdame



I know it’s all getting away it comes to me as no surprise
I know what’s coming to me is never going to arrive
Fresh blood through tired skin
New sweat to drown me in
Dress up this rotten carcass just to make it look alive

first and foremost(other than the awesome picture). New URL: http://livingdead.newbloodstudio.com

if you're linking me, please update your links. i don't know how long the old URL will be valid. right now both point to the same page, but this one is a lot easier to remember, thus, i'm expecting the more faithful of you to spread me like the virus that i am.... and i should get a million hits a day by next week. Other updates are going to be made as i go along as i monkey around more with the PHP code. i can already tell that some changes that are different that i gotta get hammered out.

anywho, Weekend was great. got to finally meet My niece Noelle, who is quite the ham. I can tell she's going to be cool, becuase she liked me right off the bat for being a total stranger. I think she can tell how cool i am... so what's your guys' problem? anywho, had a weekend of playing around with her, Playing some Campaign Halo 2, ate some good food at an irish sports pub... and went to Evans City, which is awesome on so many levels. my first nightin Ohio was rather uneventful due to the fact i had been up for 30 hours, so all i did was sleep. but the rest of the weekend has fun-fueled chaos. more pictures will be posted later this week, as time allows.

Got to see Chicago from the air for the first time, which was another awesome. these days i don't really make much of an effort to go up there due to personal reasons, but seeing it from above made me remember fonder times in that city. maybe i'll actually want to go sometime soon and see what other better days i can remember, or better yet, create. i can tell you one particular memory i created this weekend in that city already.

I was wondering around O'Hare during a layover after coming in from having a smoke break. well... i obviously looked lost or something, becuase this guy comes up to me and asks if i need help. "sure, looking for concourse F..." i said. he points me in the right direction, and i thank him, ready to go on my way.

"Oh sir! could i talk to you for a minute?" he says as i turn away.

"uh, ok." i didn't have anything better to do.

"you're a big gentleman, very hardy-looking."

"that's what i hear." i'm half-creeped out and half-annoyed at this point, as a strange, effiminate man has just politely called me fat.

and this is where i learn that Hare Krishnas no longer wear bed sheets at airports. I get to hear a little bit about stuff about the ocean(which is why i think he mentioned that i was a big'un), and he showed me all this cool sanskrit, and then a kickass picture of a minotaur with a axe getting ready to sever the head of a cow with a human head. then he wants to give me this big book, that appearantly holds the keys to a deeper understanding.

for a donation.

"The Gideons give me a free bible, why can't you?" I also mention i was joking to him before he gets offended.

"Look, all i got is four bucks, can i buy it for that?" which was true, becuase most of my money was on my card, which, much to my chagrin, was in the red all goddamned weekend becuase appearantly, hand deposits don't show up as a pending transactions like they do when i go to the ATM. jackasses. he didn't look like had a Credit card machine on him either-which was good.

"Let me give you the travel edition."

So, for four bucks, I got the "you didn't spend enough money so you're going to be roach in your next life" edition of the book. but hey- i bought four bucks worth of good karma, which, if you have followed my shakespearian nature of my life for the last year, i need all the bonus points i can get.

most likely though, i used it up the moment i went to MCdonalds and bought a couple of cheeseburgers. which i did right after i met him.

I can't win for losing.


mdame



You've got that look I wanna know
You've got that look the hy pro glo
it burns a hole inside my mind
it burns a hole inside my mind

I'm supposed to be sleeping but fuck it all, i can't. might as well update, since i have to force my sleep pattern into something recognizably normal before i head out to Ohio anyways.

so friday i got out with a couple of workmates to go bowling. then some of us went to pinch. i was going in a sense becuase there was this girl who was supposedly "perfect" for me, and i thought she was pretty attractive in return. only thing was... well.. we didn't talk much. i couldn't even muster up the courage when i got trashed to talk to her. i understand she is a cool person, and one of the other girls was all like "oh, she IS into you". her body language told me a much different story. I don't mind a girl not being "into" me. hell.. I'm used to it. i just wish there was more upfront-ness about it, so at least there isn't any of that fleeting hope that i have a bad habit of having.

Saturday was the vino tasting at slowbek's, which was quite enjoyable. i had reservations about this thing at first, i gotta tell you. when i envision a wine tasting party, i was thinking about how it seems to show our age and that this will be the new thing, and gone are the days of getting stupid drunk on cheap beer and taking crazy pictures, dorking out, and all that fun stuff i should have left behind when i hit 25 becuase, thorugh some statistical calculation that society has pulled out of it's ass, the party is supposed to be over by then, or at least winding down. But needless to say, fun was had by all involved, i do believe. though i got drunk and forgot my camera over there and i really need to pick that up before i head out to ohio.

i didn't sleep too well sunday. i had one of those "wake up every hour and then go back to sleep" type of sleeps. worked, and then came home. otherwise, a typical, boring as hell sunday night for me. which, sadly, i was alright with, since the back of my head has been hurting all day, and i don't think it's going to stop, which is going to make work(gotta be there in an hour) all the more fun.

all in all, i got drunk twice in one weekend, so everynight when i went to bed, i wasn't caring about how i was utterly alone. and that always helps make the night go by!

Still haven't got anything done as far as my cell phone, either. Awesome.


well, nothing left to do now excapt put up shitty poetry. and i'm not going to do that to you. not yet, at least. boy, i typed quite a bit for still having things on my mind.

mdame


I tried but I can't find a way
to untangle all the pieces
after they've been thrown away

sorry, i was almost too busy playing this to post this update.

it seems that i will be taking on an added responsibility at work pretty soon. I will be the Offical "thug" for our store. Meaning: I get to go to people's Houses who have our movies and tell them we want our movies back and please give them to me. two things come to mind: Number one, i'm not all too "popular" in this town to begin with, and this kind of job is going to ensure that i will not be able to drink in town or get a date from here ever again. Think about it; would yo udate someone who repossesses things for a living? i'm kinda doing the same thing. one of the owners even asked me if i was going to do it for the rest of the stores in the area. I was just like "we'll see how this goes first."

the other thing being that i am almost POSITIVE this is going to generate all kinds of awesome stories for you kids. My Pain(i'll be disappointed if somebody dosen't take a swing at me while i'm out doing this) will be your humor.


the only other thing i did recently that was cool is thatme and A friend figured up an interesting figure: I've spilled enough semen to fill up a 16 gallon keg. if you really need to know how we figured this out, we used some mean averages and the information contained on the internet.

I'll leave it at that for you math buffs to figure out the details, if you are really that interested.

mdame


no one was looking

Can't talk long. Waiting for Brandocrap and Nunkie to pick me up for a trip to Springfield.

But i gots a Date Saturday. Yeah, i don't know how the fuck this happened either. We'll see how this turns out. My Guess is that this is yet another trainwreck in the works, knowing my luck.

Got pulled over on my way to work yesterday, and thankfully, got out of a ticket by the skin of my teeth. the entire time i was just thinking "wow, i definately see a pattern here in my life."

Hopefully i won't go to jail anytime soon.

oh well. Whatever, fuck it. Kinda tired of giving a damn. Life will find a way to fuck me, i am sure of that.

but we shall see.

mdame

slowly move on
how did we get to here
it all went wrong
gravity claiming all your tears
everything looks so much better now
looks so much better now

it's another month. Hoo-fucking-Ray.

nothing of importance to write, really. but it's the first of the month and you guys probably hate staring at the "i've not wrote anything.." text.

Paid my fine yesterday. I think the franklin county courthouse is the newest layer of hell. Or, at least it was my experience. And the guard who was waving everybody through the detector when they set it off really made me feel secure. he should work for the TSA.

I was also late for Court...Imagine that. thankfully, they hadn'tsent my ticket up there yet, so i did n't have to sit through all that crap.

then went down to marion, where i got to find out that i'm going to be without a Cellphone for a while. that, and my mother is the worst goddamned driver in the world. Then the jones Boys came over to flex thier mighty Crazy Taxi skillz and remind me that i suck even at my own games. excapt half-life 2, whereas the tables are flipped. it seems to be the only thing i don't suck at of late.

well, fuck this. I'm off.


mdame


Shove it up inside
Surprise
Lies
Stains like the blood on your teeth

went and seen Episode 3 last night with Nunkie. it was alright. I was disappointed when i didn't see any Protests, though. I felt a kindred Spirit With Anakin, though, all except for the "pregant" part. but pretty much everything else. Vader as an Idol? Hmmm...

gotta be honest though... the trip home was much more fun. together, we began a trek of Hardship as we slugged through the oppressive rain. Man: 1, Nature, 0.

then we got to Zeigler, and the main highway was blocked off by cops due to some accident. "okay," we thought. "no problem. we'll just hit a backroad can cut over the Cleburne or Yellow Banks."

Wrong. Horribly wrong.

Thomas Vaughn, My old english teacher, wrote an article about two weeks ago about this quaint little town, referring to his halycon days of youth spent being outside. though he gave the reader's digest Version of the history of Zeigler, he made only passing mention of the... interesting road layout. In fact, he outright omitted the fact that the town Of Zeigler is a Labrynth of the ancients, complete with A hulking Minotaur that we, luckily, did not happen upon. if you stray off of the highway, you're screwed. Seriously, i honestly think the only reason people still live there is becuase they got lost and just decided to settle down and build a house on vacant land. Now, some of you might scoff at being lost in a town. but considering it was late at might after a heavy electrical rainstorm, i fear that we discovered it's horrible secret in the misty twilight of last eve, barely escaping with our lives. Man 0, Nature, 1. Somehow, the counter had been reset.

consider yourself warned. Use my handy map to avoid the Minotaur. though, if mythology has anything to say about it, i'll bet he moves around.


mdame


Rest your shoulders Peaches and Cream
Everywhere a Judas as far as you can see
Beautiful angel calling
We got every re-run of Muhammed Ali

I seriously need a hobby.

This may be hard to relate, as most people are ecstatic to have days off and can plan all kinds of things. i seem to have a problem doing such things. let me give you a rundown of my first few days off.

Last thurs, i get a bug up my ass and decide to go camping... as far away from here as possible. i also didn't decide this until five o clock in the evening, which meant when i got to my chosen destination, it was dark. You ever set a cabin tent up in the dark? Well, it sucks. But goddamnit, i was out to prove that i'm not so fucking helpless and that i can survive just fine.

So the rest of the weekend, i get other things on my mind. i sit and ponder around about them. Ponder so much that i wasn't really in the mood to stay out saturday, that, and combined with the fact i was tired from working an early shift.

Tuesday, I had all kinds of nothing to do. I went driving around for three hours, revisiting old haunts from my Youth, basically gandering over old scars in the area. There, an ex lived there. that place, i was broken up with. Oh yeah.. I had sex out here a couple of times. that was pretty cool, but she left too. Oh, and absolutely nothing good has eveer come out of this town. fuck why did i go this way? too dark to go any further this evening...

Then i head home. bored. I try Yahoo chat. Disasterous. Nothing but Sexcam bots hungry for a credti card, and complete utter fucking morons. Seriously, go on Yahoo chat and TRy to have a conversation. Nothing but a bunch of fuckholes empowered by the fact they are somewhat anonymous that think they have the ability to stomp ass in real life. Amusing to me, at least.

anyway, so i end up dropping 20 bucks and upgrading my hotmail account, in essence, to have access to MSN chat, hoping to god becuase only subscribers can get into chat, that it's at least not loaded with all the sexbots that constantly msg you. and i was right. for the first time in a long time, i had engaging chat with people i didn't know. The last time i did something like that was back in the dark ages of the internet, which is a fancy term for the year 1997.

Anyways, i seem to have gotten some flak for doing that, as it looks like i have to pay for friends. Allow me to prove myself to myself with some mike-math. I currently have 10 people(out of 60) online in messenger. of those ten, three are blocked, five are marked as away, and one is on mobile. that leaves one. And if i really wanted to talk to him, i'd just call or go visit him. I crave new, entertaining stimulation, however.

Plus, twenty bucks a year for chat is a steal compared to 55-66 Bucks a year at SOI.

that was my tuesday.

Today, I just woke up not too long ago, and while i was at work yesterday, i decided to Rent all the Star trek Next Generation movies for today. This proves my theorem That i am a Bored Dork.

Then there's the SO. We've not talked much in the last week, most ly becuase her phone has almost no minutes on it, but it seems our lack of communication may have caused her to ponder. Wonderful. I should probably go and call her, write her, or drive down and see her or something.

Or maybe I'll put off watching Star Trek and do some more driving and think and just be alone.

what's Worse than being forgotten? Becoming Irrelavant.

Yeah, there's a great closing thought.

mdame



I’m getting tired of starting again

I found some other things that weren't quite what i meant, so here is my revised Geek code.


-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.1
GS d- s:++ a- C++++>$ U P+ L+ !E W++>$ N++ !o K++ w>$ !O M- !V PS+ PE Y+
PGP !t !5 !X R>* tv- b+++ DI+ D+++>$ G e+ h r y+**
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

Secondly, Nunkie... put the Livingdead Fanfic on the backburner, as there are still people who do not know the hard rules and the story behind Bradong. I'd Ask bradong to do it(as it is his thing), but i might as well ask my penis really nice if it would grow to the size of manhattan. Somebody NEEDS to do this, and it won't be me; i could never quite do the story justice... I tried once and failed. Someone can Do Better. Your rewards await... in my panties.

and thirdly, Kris Will be in attendance Friday. Thing is, Someone is going to have to keep her company whilst i go do this thing called Work. Brandocrap, You free?

i heard a girl the other day(friday) drop the word "Muchly". while it seems to have been entered into the english slang language. now you're probably saying "okay, big deal. Why should we care?"

Really, you shouldn't. But when i heard it, i immediately pegged the girl as A Gorean, which is completely understood by almost none of you. I thought it was piss-pants funny, but i seem to be stuck in a my own little world where the word "Muchly" is a watchword for someone who is into that kind of kink.AFrom my (albeit limited) experience in things perverse, I try to listen for certain things that people of certain flavors might drop as a hint. Or i'm just a fucking retard who sees sex in everything. The Latter is more likely. And for the record, i'm not a Gorean. I'll take my Restraints and Beatings without the Fantasy of counter-Earth, thank you.


and that's it. Another update. Short in length, but hey at least i'm updating regularly again.

mdame


If you try walking in my shoes
You’ll stumble in my footsteps

Normally, I'm still asleep at this point in the day, becuase i'm such an awesome slacker. But Kris called me and woke my ass up to inform me that she has Incriminating pictures of not only us together, but of me, Nunkie and Brandocrap. of what, i will not divulge until i have them up in the Album.

also, i'm a bit confused. can we do it or not, slowbek? you should, you know :)

anyways, let's see here...content... Oh... I found this yesterday which proves a very interesting read. Take Note of the section called "the Ladder Theory". Hey, it got giggles out of me becuase some of it seems to hit home at times.

did you know i have a Relative in Nigeria? neither did i. and some nice barrister guy is trying to make sure my family's riches are returned to the rightful owner. Jeez, what a nice guy. I had been nitching recently about how all these morons seemed to get fooled into such a thing while never actually getting a letter from them in my email account. and whadday know... i get TWo of them in my yahoo account. I should have kept them and posted them on here for laughs, but i didn't- becuase i'm a jackass like that. But if you want a general idea of what it said, go here. yes, i've linked it before, but i highly recommend the Letters Archive. Hilarious stuff.

i wish i had more to say, but i suck and ran out of stuff to write. So here's my Geek code.

---BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.1
GS d- s:++ a- C++++>$ UL---@ P+ L+ !E W++>$ N++ !o K++ w>$ !O !M !V PS+ PE Y+ PGP !t !5 !X R$* tv-@ b+++ DI+ D+++ G e+ h r y**
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

woohoo. I love filler. now go figure it out.

okay, really out of stuff here,i got to get to work sometime soon and stop my dog from humping the cat. she's a bit confused about which genderis supposed to do the humpinz(not to mention species), which is natural for a 56 year-old virgin, i guess. and now i have pictures of hot dog humping action. checkthe misc album later.

enjoy the day, assgoons.

mdame


Now i'm somewhere i am not supposed to be
And i can see things i know i really shouldn't see

Playboy is:

A. a magazine that caters to my interests and shows me interesting aspects of social life that i have not seriously considered or heard about period. I find it entertaining, humorous, and i truely do enjoy the articles. the pictorals are tasteful and seductive, even artsy. I gladly pay my subscription fee.

or

B. A juiced-up skin rag that shows women i'll never fuck, interviews people i'll never meet, displays products i'll never be able to buy, and showcases a lifestyle i'll never enjoy. the subscribers are lining the pockets and fueling the habits of a 70+ year old man. and the humor sucks.

Now, far be it for me to be the prude, but i really am curious as to why people pay money for this stuff. I'm going to make up some statistics here, so bear with me as i whip out my trusty TI-83+ Scientific calculator and make some computations.

okay, let's say that maybe 25% of the men in america that subscribe to PB are Affluent enough to be able to enjoy the finer things in like that PB showcases. that leaves 75% of male subscribers that are, for better or worse, the archtypical Blue collar worker who cannot spend 300 bucks on a good whiskey, or some other high priced item. is PB selling a subscription of dreams to the lower class? or is there something i'm just not getting? again, i'm not trying to rag on just PB here, as this can be applied to many, many other magazines, even some that i am a subscriber to. Hell, one could, in theory, apply it to online journals, though i'd be a bit crepped out if i fould out that there was some person in BFE Iowa who fiendishly devoured every word, recommendation, and experience i went though. I guess i'm just asking the age old question: Do you look at the boobies, or read the articles? Discuss.

anyway, not much else to report. well, yeah there is. I finally got a multitap for my PS2. while most of you are probably yawning at that, to tell the story behind getting said multitap is to tell a story of greatest proportions with equal parts agony, irony, and finally, joy that can only be understood by me, brandocrap, and nunkie, and other assorted total hardcore gamer dorks.

After having a few drinks at the bar friday night, we all adjourn back to my house to show Nunkie the joy and frustration that is Super Monkey Ball DX. after about a good hour of the three of us wanting to punch ourselves in the groin with spiked knuckles, we get the bright idea that we all have moeny and can split the cost of a Multitap if we go RIGHT NOW to Wal-mart. at 3:30 in the morning.

We get to wal-mart, only to find out that they have none in stock. shock, Irony, and the hint of Bloodlust sets in. I set off to find someone that will verify that yes, indeed, they are out of the Multitap. Brandocrap Asks him if he would call a couple of the other stores to see and he does so while the three of us are discussing who we are going to kill first in our frenzied rampage if there are none in the entire area.

glancing around the rest of the electronics area, i spot a stack of just delivered Product. Already filled with despair, i happen to glance at a Box that shipped from Sony. Lo and behold, A box full of the New Multitaps. My training at EB games has not gone to Waste!

And then... no sooner do i start to shout my discovery, the guy on the phone looks at me and says something that sounds like "Sir, Please don't touch that".

Now i'm royally pissed, but i dont have any bail money, and i don't think the other two would have bailed me out. So i stalk off, and Brandocrap asks me WTYf is wrong with me

"There is A box of Multitaps three feet away, and he's not going to let us have one!"

"dude, Maybe he dosen't know"

"He just told me not to touch it!"

well, it turns out i had misheard him(suprise, suprise), and someone brings it to his attention that they do have some in stock, and we end up getting a Multitap, to which we Skipped down the Aisles and spread sunshine and rainbows as we make our way to the checkout and Nunkie put it on his card. we went back to my place and craziness ensued. It was one of those nights were i wish there was a camera that was taking footage becaus the Insanity that followed was something that would have made you all Simultaneously Piss your pants laughing and confuse the fuck out of you.

And there ya go. the most boring story you will probably read this week unless you were one of the three of us. It's Like trying to explain Penduloso to anyone who wasn't there... you'll not gonna get it.

and here i was bitching about the elitist dream that PB sells to the lower castes. Pot, meet Kettle.


okay, so i was so going to stop with that last sentance, but i'm all wired on Cola, camels, and crystal method, so i'm slipping into freak out mode.


dude, we should seriously have a parety at the barrell this Sunday night. It's my last night and i'm Never going back. seriously Slwobek, let's get on this. we can keep it kinda low-key( and by low-key, i mean just everybody that reads this is invited) or we should like have it somewhere where we can get fuckfaced and like, Just be crazy. I know it's not like it's a special event and i've quit like eventeen billion times but dammnit, i wanna have a party. I'll dress up like chick corea and you can dress up like Stan Getz. See it'll be a theme Party? Ben can Be Dave brubeck and Tim Will be Buddy Holly and Brando Can be the Big Bopper or Babby McFerrin and He'll get us Hookers and he can expense them. can we Get dwayne to dress up like the chiquita bananna Lady? Seriously, I think he should do that for me. and he should do it for you too when you quit. It can be like, our special thing, right? he should do it, becuase he's coming back from whereever the fuck he's at. anyway, if we can'tswing that, we should put up a sign that says OPEN ALL NIGHT!!!


And then we'll get a giant Boombox and climb up onto the rooftop and throw ice at all the dumbasses that drive up. And then maybe Cracka Will Drive down dressed up a BB king and tman can come as Lord Saint Agnathby and then Brando Will expense some more hookers and i'll steal a pope hat and we can have a Mud wrestling contest between me and the Hookers in the COOLER becuase that will be EXTREEMMMEEE!!!!! kinda like right now I'm all EXTREME KEYBOARDING AND I"M THE BIGGEST GODDAMNED RUSH FAN ON THE INTERAZNETS anyways so we should do this Becuase seriously, how many other times am i going to quit? And i can't go to the Bonepony show becuase i'm going to 'lyssa's Play so we should compensate by having a Go away party for me. Seriously, do it or else i'll die and come back as zombo-Mike and kill every one of you fuckers. or i'll keep drawing stupid shit like this until you do.

WTF is wrong with me,


mdame


He asked us
Be you angels?
And we said
Nay, We are but men
rock!

yes, i did get a bunch of views the other day. i'm just hella cool like that. That, and someone's computer stuttered about 950 some odd times.

PS this was my 200th-ish update. throw me a fucking party. in fact, dedicate a whole holiday to me... we'll just make it today, and call it st. patricks day, though we all know it will really be named St. Livingdead's Zombieambercrombiepocalypse Now Day. The offical color will be green(though we all know i favor earth tones or duck hunt brown), and you will drink green beers(i.e. Scotch) in my honor and then sacrifice gingerbread men(this is real) in my name and call me... Burtzapadapugh(also real). and i will give you glory unbeknownest to mortal men, as you will be able to fly my lesbian seagulls into the great wide open with broken wings and learn to fly again becuase everybody's working for the weekend so wake me up before you go go stop hammer time.

it seems my mothers USA golds are affecting me in a strange way. either that or all that soy sauce i drank becuase i dared myself to when i got home. i think i'm going to be sick.


mdame



Yeah we know you love L.A.
But there's nothin left to say
Please no more California songs
And fuck New York too

Believe it or not, sometimes i find myself in a position as to whether or not i should censor myself when i write one of these things. i get a little shiver sometimes becuase well, quite honestly, i think that people will look at what i say, and then turn around and use it on me at work or something. I'd like to point out that i make these updates on my own time, and make them to represent myself and no one else. today's addition to the site should just about cover me. Although any legal eagles out there who would be so kind as to help me out would most definately get a shout out.

if you're wondering, yes, i agree... it's really fucking stupid to have to put up such a thing on a goddamned blog. But in today's sue-happy society and the ever-growing need to find a weakness and exploit it... well... you know the rest. I believe thatr any users of a blog/journal site are pretty much covered, so you don't have to sweat it.. I think.


either way... to anyone reading this that might be pissed about me talking smack about them. get over it. I'm on my time, and i can bitch about anything i want. Free Speech Was one of the wonderful things that made the internet so cool before a bunch of jackasses decided to fuck it all up with all kinds of shit.

Ah... Listen to me harkening back to the days of yore... I know some of you will never believe it, but there was once a time when there was no need for pop up blockers or Spyware detectors on the internet. Sad, isn't it?

well, i've said enough serious stuff. time to go look up slug porn and hit the hay.

Oh yeah... a couple of cool things to read if you're not busy and/or entertained by me rambling on like a grandfather in his old rocking chair still trying to connect to the internet via Trumpet Winsock.

first off... some seriously funny chat sessions ofcybersex gone horribly wrong. the second is some interesting Textbook Stickers.

enjoy the day, Kids.


mdame


m mad at my desk and I'm writing all curse words
Expressing my aggressions through my schizophrenic verse words

here is a post i tried to make on another blog, but i suck and could only get the damed title to post. so, in my infinite wisdom, i'll stick it here, lest it be lost in the digital mists of the internet. Laugh at my idiocy that i have no goddamned clue how to use Bloghorn.



this better work, or else i'm going to look like a fucking retard.


someone needs to take over this blog and whip it's sorry ass into shape. not me, as i'm too fucking awesome for bloghorn, but someone who dosen't already have a blog. Like brandocrap. Yes, You. take over this blog, you dirty bastard. or Salmo, He needs to write more often on here too. One of you dirty sanchezes needs to use this thing like a two-dollar hooker on half-price night. come on. you know you want to be cool like me, fuckers.

if nothing else, Will you do a Guest Blog on mine? My cool points, while infinitely better than yours, have slipped somewhat. I need ratings, as ratings get me cool points. cool points get me hookers and blow. hookers and blow make me popular and then i get to hang out with actors and be essentially Cato Kaelin, except without the hair loss and the awesome hotel manager job.

so seriously, do it, fuckers. or I'll eat your young like Kronos™ Gyros.

BALL TILL YOU FALL
FACE YOUR FEARS
LIVE YOUR DREAMS
I AM TEH AWESEOM!!!!!!!111!!!1shift+oneoneoneoneoneone

-Livingdead



There ya go. Happy fucking monday update.


Blarg,


mdame


i am someone else
and i remember everything

early or late in the morning, depending on whetehr or not you've been up all night or just waking up.

not much to report still. I live a boring life of working for the mans and sleeping. sometimes i play a video game, but mostly i watch movies on my tiny altoid box of a playstation2, or i read really boring stuff that i could type about, but would bore you all to death. i've thought about working on a story and posting it on here, but nobody gets that when i just post and everyone's expecting some witty jovial and/or depressio update, so i dunno about that. i may do it anyway, but at least you have a warning as to the fact that it might happen. really, my life is boring right now, it's so boring that i am typing almost randomly, all off-the-cuff just so i can have filler as to make sure my update is not just about the kickass NIN lyrics that i just had to post on here hell i'm not even bothering with punctuation at this point it's just going to be one gigantic run one sentanceandmayebei'llevenleaveoutspacessoicanpackinmoreinformationperbyteandsimultaneouslypissyoualloffbecuasei'mawesomelikethathahahahahahai'msocool.

I'm just a face in the crowd
nothing to worry about
not even try to stand out
I'm getting smaller and smaller and smaller
and I have nothing to say
it's all been taken away
I'll just behave and obey
I'm afraid I'm starting to fade away

let me reiterate how fucking bad i want to hear this album.



anyways, that's your update. sorry, i suck. deal with it, bitches.

But see
I'm waking
I feel
I touch
I breathe
I cry
I know this
So wait
Wait
I said please

I'm sick and it sucks. but at least i got all these kickass drugs in me.

I'm also hoping that i can get tickets tomorrow for either the 5/6 or the 5/7 Nine inch Nails Show. from what i'm hearing, there's a good possibility.

anyways, that's all for now. i have to get some more rest.

Happy almost belated Birthday to Terez. go and give her some well-wishes, eh?


mdame

Running after you
I don’t know where you are
And I can’t seem to catch you
I want you to know me

how come every time some fat kid does something stupid and makes it on the internets, i get fingered as the culprit?

seriously. look, if i EVER get caught doing something incredibly stupid ann/or funny, I'll be the first one to post it and then you can laugh all you want and bask in the glory of the knowledge that you, sadly, do know me and this isn't excatly suprising.

And while i'm at it, drive-thru customer #2354, i'm not a dead ringer for Chris Farley, either. I don't do coke, and more Importantly, I'm not dead.

that is all.

(EDIT: Happy almost-belated birthday to Justin Sane, the other half of the gracious hosts of newbloodstudio.com that allow me to continue to exist on the web Ad-free, pop-up free, and Admin-free. i didn't forget, i just remembered almost too late ;) )


mdame


I push rhymes like weight

I had a Lovely Weekend. and i also obviously like vague statements about how my times are going.


a bunch of unrelated stuff to talk about, so this updates gonna be kinda meaty with a dash of incohereant.


Happy birthday to Jehboah, one half of the gracious hosts of newbloodstudio.com that allow me to continue to exist on the web Ad-free, pop-up free, and Admin-free...all so i can keep serving up my own saucy brand of wit. Work with me here, Kids.


Goddamnit world, didn't i warn You? WTF are you thinking?

I sold my PS2 This weekend on a whim. I've been wanting one of the sexier, smaller ones due to the fact that i use it constantly, and such usage could burn out the drive tray. Not only that, but the network adapter provided au gratis by braddong was incompatible with my current hardware. So, after selling it, i headed to Wal-mart in benton to grab one of the sleek new pieces of wonderbox, only to find out that they were sold out.

"Damnit," i thought. "guess i'll just wait till tomorrow to go find one elsewhere." And then i decide against waiting becuase i'm probably going to Die without one.

I get to DuQuoin Wal-mart around 2:30 in the morning. Sold out.

Whiskey.Tango.Foxtrot. This simply will not stand.

3:50 in the am, and i'm in Carbondale. As luck would have it, i get my hands on the very last PS2 they have in stock, amid the musings of the electronics guy going "that's the first time i've seen someone dance like that in my time working here. Granted, I probably shouldn't have been doing the bump and grind on the casing holding said system at four in the morning, but that's neither here nor there.

the rarity of these things in Southern Illinois(at least in this particular area) made me think about my own adventures behind the counter at EB. You see, back in 2002, there was a rash of sales concerning the redesigned Playstation 1's by men who were akin to buying three or four at a time. The strange thing was, they were buying nothing else but the systems. no warranties, no memory cards, nothing. just multiple systems at once. they were appearantly buying out the area, it seems.

Well, this got the attention of the Local authorities, as there was rumors that the components were being used to create bombs for an impending terrorist attack. That turned out that the systems weren't being bought so Osama can build a Nuclear Device out of Tekken(he should have taken a Cue From Saddam and Bought PS2's instead), but they were using the small redesigned units to ship drugs in after tearing out the electronic components.

What kind of drugs, do you ask? I can only speculate on this, but just for reference, here is a Picture of a Kilo-sized Brick of Cocaine. draw your own conclusions.

anyways, i just worked out a secret deal that it going to wrap up this update for today. Hey, you all want something to read tomorrow, right? Thought so.

Read/Watch/listen/Play

the Silent Blade R.A. Salvatore.

Interview with the Vampire: the Vampire ChroniclesBrad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Antonio Banderas.

This Type of thinking could do us in, Chevelle.

Fallout 2, Interplay.

mdame


Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see

to quote CJ from Dawn of the dead: "it fucking figures."

i got a wild hair up my ass tonight and wanted to play Age of Empires. in the course of cleaning up the sty that is my computer desk a couple of weeks ago, i remember seeing it no less than seven times. I'll be damned if i couldn't find that CD tonight for the life of me.

It always seems that when i want to find something, i can find everything that has been missing on me but don't want at that moment. I found my Diablo 2 registration key(i needed this like a month ago), My Night of the living dead 30th anniversary edition VHS(someone asked if they could borrow it), A David Bowie CD i forgot to MP3, My checkbook(didn't even know it was lost), both Booklets for My Nine inch nails CD's, and the registration key for The Said missing CD, and three other computer games that i never even played.

I even tried reverse psychology-calling out to the aloof Game, telling it how i really don't want it anymore, and i'm going to play starcraft instead because it's right here. But alas, i ended uup settling upon one of the other games i found but had never played- Fallout 2. It's Kinda neat, but the combat system is kinda wonky for me. I was expecting a Baldur's gate 2 and got something else. But the post-apocalypse theme is kinda rad, and it's got that dark humor that drives my loins wild.

right, i didn't need to write that last sentance. on that note, i think i'll go catch some sleep.

mdame


I got the left hand of the keeper
Meet me in St. Louis
god a one-way ticket's cheaper

i have a shitty computer. Therefore, i cannot play kickass cool games. i'm too poor and lazy to rebuild one from scratch, and i'm too much of a snob to buy a closed-system(read: hard as fuck to upgrade) from Wal-mart or the like on the cheap.

So i look on the interwebs occasionally for odd little games to download and play. a lot of times i run into crap that dosen't hold my attention for five minutes before i go back to looking at muppet porn.

Yesterday, i found one i found interesting: Election Day. It's a pretty deep campaign Simulator. so far, I've been trying to run for Governor of Illinois. I had a pretty good chance until the game crashed on me. Maybe it'll work for you, maybe it won't. Other than the fact it's crashed one me twice and it has a steep learning curve, i have no complaints, especially since it's free(you gotta register with the site to download the game, though.) It's fun, educational(somehow), and quirky. right up my alley.

Speaking of which, i regretfully inform you all that the Intergalactic Invasion force of LUnar colony 2206 no longer exists on Nationstates. A day for for it's four billion Citizens when The Supreme Overlord didn't report for office in time. Sorry for all the Immigrants, Brandocrap and Corneil.

would You Pay 300 Bucks For a sticker? P.T. Barnum Would Be proud.

other than that, not much else to speak of today. All work and no day off in sight.

mdame



I gotta get my props up and earn my respect
Gotta shake someone up and throw em off the top deck

new guilty Party Added.

So i was supposed to meet this girl saturday night, but i got stood up. Just as well. Not my type, and i wasn't really interested in her, so it would have ended badly anyhow. in one sense i should be glad to be spared the eventual letdown that would have come, but on the flipside however, i don't have a whole lot of options leaping at me at the moment.

Maybe it's better this way for me.

And maybe i'm kinda sick of being single.

And maybe i know what i need, and what i want.

And maybe i can't have that.

And maybe that sucks. A lot.


Anyways, I finally got my CD collection completely Mp3'd. that makes me happy. I also found A trio of Rare Mp3's That i once had, but lost when my old Hard drive decided to take the proverbial piss.

Next up: making playlists for every single album that is on here(100+). If i were a smart man, i would have done that as i was converting them, but bah. I'm happy enough hitting random select on Winamp and being suprised every few minutes.

May 3rd is a long wait, but oh, how kickass that month in general is going to be.

hey, if you're bored(or pissy over my lament earlier) why don'tcha pick out some prime real estate on Mars? Never Too early to plan for the Mass exodus of humankind to avoid A lifetime of enslavement once the Zombies Rise and Mutant Nazi Dinosaurs attack from thier flaming Fortress Colony of Iktah IV, right? Me personally? i'm hoping for a Cosmopolitian Outpost to spring up at Olympus Mons.

Right. enough weirdness for this morning. I should have got my fill from Watching Sky captain and the world of tomorrow, but, well, you know... i'm a fucking loon.

mdame


I wanna be the last thing that you hear
when you're falling asleep

Two out of three exams taken, and two out of three failed. hey, at least i'm batting over .500 in something.

took moms up to Glen Carbon Monday to get some dental work done. my time there was brief, but i got to go to slackers and spent a little time tooling around the town, thinking of better days. IN the end, it was swapping one set of ghosts for another. Even the air over there tasted uninviting to my presence. such a shame, i loved that town, not only for the memories made, but i always felt a bit more at home up there. then again, just about everyone in that area hates me now. come to think of it, so does a healthy majority here, too.

loving the cold weather. it matches my heart.

in other News, Fuck you, EA.

also while i'm at it, Fuck You, 710 bookstore, for fucking me on my books. three books, bought new for $240.00, sold back for $58.00. If i didn't need the money right then and there, i would have told them to eat my dick. Don't get me wrong, i wasn't expecting anything near what i paid for the books, but 80-100 would have been a lot better. oh well. Karma sucks, and I'm gettin it for my lack of academic commitment this semester.

not much else going on. didn't go out this weekend for once. I'm sick of the C-pher scene and never have someone who wants to raid C-dale and be my DD.

Reaney just called me out of the blue. wants to hook up with us now that he's done with school this semester.


Read/Watch/Listen/Play:

The World's Most Dangerous Places, Robert Young Pelton

Dead Like Me: The Complete first Season, Ellen Muth, Rebecca Gayheart, Callum Blue.

aMOTION, A Perfect Circle

Tony Hawk's Underground 2: World Destruction Tour, Neversoft.

Confidential to those living abroad: Hurry up and get home already. we gots Drinkings to Do, Bitches.

Grove Street 4 Life, Yo.

mdame


Call an optimist
She's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you