Enough of the Lovecraftian horror that awaits us all in the end. though you may want to use "fit to width" in your browser for a little while till that little entry scrolls off becuase i'm too lazy to actually make it fit to where it dosen't break my page. I know, I'm an asshole.
Fallout 3. Finished the good guy scenario. soon it will be time to replay, this time Killing every fucking thing in my path. fuck yeah.
Slumdog Millionaire. Watch it if you haven't already.
A recurring role within my circle is to Play the part of the dissenting voice in just about everything, because I tend to be a jackass. I also like to think that i'm playing a pivotal role, kinda like how someone should have said "hey, this might be a bad idea..." when the Nazi's thought up the cunning plan to commit Genocide. I'm the dissenting Nazi. Except I love black people or jews or whatever LOOK i just play Germany in Axis and Allies, okay? it dosen't MEAN anything!
Thius differs from my other role, where I play the part of a Weirdo(which i do very fucking well, thank you) My priimary role here is like thus: I introduce something completely illogical, attempting to entrap you(the friend) into a Weapons-Grade Retarded conversation. I logically argue the illogical and imaginative. much more fun to me than postulating actual scientific theories.
Anyway. So, as the wet blanket, I take my role very seriously. i tend to take it to an extreme with T-man, disagreeing with Anything he says. he says the sky is blue, i'll argue that it's fucking green becuase of global warming or something equally retarded. even if it's something i previously agreed with the very sentance before and he agrees with it, I will immediately reverse my stance, just to ensure that i disagree with him. It tends to provoke an equally hilarious(to me) reaction from him. In effect, i'm an asshole of a friend.
I do this for a reason.
Once in a while, I will agree with him, just to fuck up the program and to show that I'm not a total curmudgeon.
The last time i did this was with Kings of Leon. I kept downplaying them and basically saying that thier music is retarded, which nearly got my nose broke a few times by a beer mug(I may also be embellishing, you can never tell with tricksy 'lil me).
Then one day, out of the apparent blue, i texted Tman with "Okay, so that one KOL song IS kinda cool."
Only I never got a response. I laid myself out there, sharing a private moment with him digitally, only to not get my own sort of release(good god that sounds horrible).
This will not do.
I MUST provoke a response.
So. I will say it again. FOR ALL THE FUCKING WORLD TO SEE. JUST FOR YOU.
Kings of Leon has a good Song. maybe two.
Also, Dream Theater.
And maybe The START.
And Nelly, too.
And some Band that Timbo likes, too. So you don't feel left out.
Hope against hope. I hope that your lips burn with want for mine, your skin aches for the touch of my hand, and that your eyes ache for the sight of mine, forever. I will not be like the others. I will not sit here and keep lavashing praise upon you in hopes that i'll win your heart over again or that you'll give me another chance. I'll not be like Buster - Only emotional and affectionate when you're having sex. I won't be like Voodoobilly, or possibly countless others - trapped within a friendship when he's so obviously wanting more and not shy about it. I won't be like Conto - On Your myspace as your friend despite the fact that He went around telling bullshit lies about you. I won't be Like Pie or Dale or whoever it was in MA - Giving all the right signs and then having second thoughts when you get out there. I won't be like Matt - someone you stay with out of some sense of pity. I won't be Diggit or like anyone you have met, or will meet, in your desperate bid to erase, forget me, and move on. I was and am the most unique, understanding(Who the fuck else would have moved away form everything he ever knew(despite it being a shithole), and endured such restrictions and clauses in the relationship? Who?), and loving guy you will ever meet. And you let me go. I should have been the one person you would have changed for, fought for, and died for. Because you were to me and i essentially did. So now... I'm Killing that part of myself. _So many_ others in the past would have given everything they had to have that part of me that i guarded so heavily, yet gave to you so easily. No one gets in here anymore.
_If_ you come back, you will not have me so easily.
But you still got your words and you got your friends
I heard this song before, but i didn't _hear_ it till it came up one day in winamp, right around the time you nearly broke up with me in February. I remember thinking that it if it's gonna happen, it will be the song i end up leaving Rockford to. I hoped that day would never come.
I guess I should have been more determined, instead of pinning everything on hope. Another one of my faults, I suppose.
I always thought of you as the whistle- so beautiful, filled with hope(there's that word again) in an otherwise droning world.
You let me go. you didn't even wait for me to be out of the city before you started looking around again. Now you're used? Now you're closed? Who ever could have done that? And i'm the bad one, it seems. one fucking mistake and it was the deal breaker because of your fear(again, you do have it) of what i may be capable of. Why didn't you ever stop to think about what led me to that flaw? Or do you even remember what the problem was? Do you even care? show it, for christs's sake. show it for once.
Love IS a compromise. Love is saying "This person matters more to me than me, anything I've done, or will ever do." I gave the one last thing i had left in me to you. the one thing i wouldn't give even to the one i was going to marry. I gave my free will. How could you not? How could you not go "This is the one person who matters more than anything i do, done, or will ever do."? Did i really just end up being like all the others who came your way? all the others who got to be included more in your life? All the others who discarded what affection you publicly showed for for them as nothing meaningful?
What brighter side? it must mean you. There's no brighter side here. Only the broken remnants of the past, as always. Why do I hold onto it? because I have no future now, and the present is always fleeting. Much like you have from me. because you are scared. Keep denying it all you want, but you are. I am, too. Love and fear is all that reminds me that I'm still human. But like the Present, and You; it is fleeing as well, and soon there will be nothing. Is that what you want? To be exqusitely empty? Sweetheart, I've been there and I'm going back there yet again. Only this time I'm not lying to myself and saying there's answers or nobility in doing so.
You took so much away from me and made me a better person for it. Then You took so much away and left me defenseless against your killing blow. I gave it both times willingly.
This is ad libbed from a video game and modifed to suit my tastes for the current.
"Given the choice whether to live within a corrupt and failing empire, or to challenge the fates for another throw, a better throw against one's destiny....What was a man to do? But does one even truly have a choice? One can only match, move by move, the machinations of fate within the illusion of free will....And thus defy the tyrannous stars."
One of the things I have been reintroduced to(i.e. i knew of,but didn't listen to much of) since I started this whole relationship business is Bjork. and I consider that a very good thing. Oh lord, how much have I missed out. I tend to associate music with who i am dating at the time, and I believe Bjork and Sparks is probably the most closely matched pairings i've ever made.
The Best way to explain it is to just have you look at the cover for Volta. just about any Music Video She has done works too: Very elegant, artistic, and surreal, but trying to make absolute sense out of(as I am often want to do with women it seems, that's a problem on my end) is a fucking nightmare.
Further using the "Sparks as my Bjork" Metaphor, this is probably the best way to describe some of our conversations.(EDIT: was a youtube link, found the .gif instead)
Now, onto what I really wanted to make a short post about.
As I said, I've been getting into the Icelandic wonder of late, and I stumbled across a video from her latest Album. I spent a half hour jumping around my apartment playing air guiter with a broom, which is pretty much the only reason i bought the broom, and quite possibly the only reason why i wanted to live on my own- So i could do such acts without crashing in the floor or pissing off moms or gma with my dreams of playing crazy electro-rock. Serious fucking business, yo.
If you can find the quicktime for this video, I highly recommend watching it. Youtube compression dosen't do justice to the crazy. Or to the hotness of Miss Guomundsdottir.
Work is work.
I nearly renounced my Atheism on account of a customer who just wouldn't leave.
I really have to try to like people sometimes.
Love life sucks, still and seemingly forever.
My Walls have been rebuilt.
Spent 5000 fake dollars gambling in my fake life.
I lost 20 bucks of my very real money.
That was a bad idea.
I wanted to do an April Fool's Update.
I didn't have time.
Next Year, flag semaphore.
Maybe.
Brandocrap would shove Jesus for A chance with Kari Byron.
I would murder all of you if I had the same chance.
Or even for a passable look-a-like.
I'm Morally Questionable.
I don't mind that so much anymore.
My Throskie is only a 63 :( and wears outdated gear. Year Zero is absoludicriously fucking awesome.
You knew I would say that.
Alanis Morissete does My Humps.
you've probably Seen it.
Tori Amos does Raining Blood.
You should hear the Classic first.
I'm a future 419 Scam victim.
I could go on and on.
Getting the fuck outta here on a one day trip.
All work and no play something something something.
Here, I Haven't done one of these in nearly forever. Enjoy.
Read/Watch/Listen/Play:
Promise of the Witch-King; R.A. Salvatore. 300; Gerard Butler, Rodrigo Santoro, Vincent Regan. Collected; Massive Attack. God of War 2; Sony Computer Entertainment of America.
Eating week-old pizza for breakfast, while it may not kill you, isn't a good thing. My Tummy is all a Rumbly right now and I have to go to wizzork.
Hopefully I can tough it out. It would suck to spend my weekend might off sick, especially when i'm going to tret myself with a Ghost Rider and 300 double feature. I think the last time I went to the movies was for Silent Hill, so I'm gonna make a night of it.
I have a shitload of movies I've been wanting to watch, but since I don't work in a movie store anymore, I haven't been keeping up, though my store wasn't the greatest on getting the cool releases i really wanted to watch(admittedly, i have weird tastes). To paraphrase the old tagline of the IUMA, This place has no The Aristocrats. Therefore, it blows.
Yeah, Unless you want to hear about how i leveled my Warcraft toon to 62 this week(which you don't, i know), i got nothing. So here's another funny cat picture.
So, I've got this theory, and you just became my unwilling test subjects-slash-peer review community.
Go to your CD or DVD collection. Take a good look at it. and I don't mean glance over it real quick just to assure yourself that there isn't anything missing. I mean really look at it. It's okay. I can wait a few minutes.
Okay. As you were browsing your catalog, did you happen to come across anything that particularly stuck out? Like say... A Pink CD amongst your Metallica? Or perhaps a Marilyn Manson CD hidden between Garth Brooks and Toby Keith? Maybe even a Yo-Yo Ma nestled snugly betwixt Nelly and Dre? Maybe You have The Notebook filed in with your Terminator movies, or you have Resident Evil laying atop a Stack of Tom Hanks Movies. Or, better Yet, you, for some Strange reason, have every single LOTR dvd that ever came out, and you never watch them. Ever. And where the hell did that Phil Collins CD come from?
What I'm theorizing is that people have three reasons for such "Sore thumbs" in thier collection:
1. A guilty pleasure. (Guys)You actually LIKE watching A Lot Like Love. You Think Britney Really does a hell of a job on her Debut Album. Kenny G really is good. (Girls) You LOVED Predator. You get a kick out of Korn. In Your Opinion, N.W.A. drops dope-ass rhymes. You actually like the oddball disc in your collection, but you may not be that into the genre it represents. It goes against what you normally listen to or whatever image you have built up yourself to be. You aren't quite embarrassed to hide it as if it were porn, but you hope no one notices it and makes conversation about it should they go browsing through your collection.
2. Social factors. Quite the opposite of the first reason, you want people to see the movie or CD. You may not have watched Schindler's List, Citizen Kane, or the Big Lebowski or listened to the latest Coldplay, Tool, or Jason Mraz CD, but you want people to think you did, or that you were interested enough in it that you bought it. Kind of like how Hawking's A Brief History of Time adorned Many coffee tables, but few people actually read the damn thing. You just hope by having it you seem a bit more cultured in your Media tastes.
3. The opposite sex. You live with your Significant Other. Just like toilet seats in the up position, Tampon boxes, and football during Desperate Housewives, amalgamating the music and movies into one collection is just something you had to dealt with. Most likely, you never even thought about the issue since it isn't a big deal and you don't know what it's like so what the hell are you writing about it?
Well, it sounded interesting in my head. At least it's an update.
So, I watched Hostel Today after work. Not too shabby, if I say so myself.
But, I do have an issue with the whole premise of the movie, which I am going to try to explain as best as I can without actually spoiling the movie, for those of you interested in seeing it.
The thing I don't particularly care for is the ignorant fear that it will generate in americans about traveling abroad(nevermind the indifferent mentality Americans have towards any country that isn't "Americanized") As it stands, a low number of Americans even own a passort(Actual estimates vary, but generally the WAG is about 20%. You're welcome to Come to your own conclusion By taking a look at a more in-depth, but a few years outdated, summary here), and Hostel isn't going to help get more out of the reclining chair and out to see the world at large.
I know that it sounds absolutely retarded that a movie would cause such a negative opoinion within the general public, but allow me to offer two completely subjective, and convincing supporting facts:
EXHIBIT A: Every single fucktard that asked me "Can the tanning bed scene in Final Destination 3 really happen?".
EXHIBIT B: People actually believe that "The Texas Chainsaw Massacare" actually happened.
I rest my case, your honor.
Keep your eyes peeled. Uncle Livingdead's got some goodies for you that will appear within the next couple of days.
Eraser Has Colored himself Green. No one has figured out how yet.
Domino Is a kickass Movie and you should break your neck to see it. Awesome action flick.
Two hours of sleep + work=Loopy Livingdead.
As such, you get treated to a variation of the Nigerian advance fee fraud as read by Blackbeard:
Me name be Abdulla Hassan, A Bahrain national I ben diagnosed wi'
Oesophageal cancer .'t has defiled all forms o' medical treatment, an' starboard
now I be havin' only about a wee moons t' live, accordin' t' medical experts.
I be havin' nay particularly lived me life so well, as I nerereally
cared fer anyone(nay e'en myself)but me business. Tho I be very rich, I
be neregenerous, I be always hostile t' swabbies an' only focused on me
business as that be th' only thin' I cared fer. But now I regret all this
as I now know that thar be more t' life than jus' wantin' t' be havin' or make
all th' treasure in th' world. I believe when God gives me a second chance t'
come t' this world I would live me life a different way from how I be havin'
lived 't. Now that God has called
me, I be havin' willed an' gi'en most o' me property an' assets t' me
smart-like an' extended family members as well as a wee close shipmates .I
want
God t' be merciful t' me an' accept me soul so, I be havin' decided t' give alms
t' charity organizations, as I want this t' be one o' th' last good
deeds I do on earth. So far, I be havin' Distributed treasure t' some charity
organizations in th' U.A.E, Somalia an' Malaysia. Now that me health has
deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked
members o' me family t' close one o' me accounts an' distribute th' treasure
which I be havin' thar t' charity organization in Bulgaria an' Pakistan, they
refused an' kept th' treasure t' they's self. Hence, I do nay trust them
anymore, as they seem nay t' be contended wi' what I be havin' portfor them. Th'
last o' me treasure
which nay one knows o' be th' huge cash deposit o' Eighteen Million
pieces o' eight($18,000,000,00) that I be havin' wi' a finance House abroad. I
will want ye t' help me collect this deposit an' despatch 't t' charity
organizations.
N/B:KINDLY NOTE THAT 20% o' this funds must go t' th' tsunami victims
an' another 10% fer yer effort an' time.
Sorry this update sucks. I'm really tired and not making sense to myself.
So, I'm bored, I'm on the internet, and I couldn't will myself to go play a game(which is terrible, mind you).
what do I end up doing?
Watching TV. on the internets.
Now, you might be thinking "wow, that's pretty goddamn cool".
well, yes and no.
Going here will show you a metric assload of channels that broadcat on the internet. here's the problem: a good portion of it is Christian TV, and I like watching sermons and prayer sessions about as much as I like going to church(i.e. I don't).
the rest of it is community access, which given it's nature, isn't on at 4 in the morning. then you have the "business" channels, which are... you know what? let's just put it this way. it's not CATV. At least Cable has sometimes interesting infomercials.
So, enough of america's Suckass internet TV. Hey, i'm quasi-cultural, i'm willing to take a taste of the World. So I took a look at International Internet TV.
After an abortive attempt to find a Canadian Station that might have Women's Soccer or Hockey, i hopped over to Japan, to which I was treated to a lengthy interview of some J-pop musician who appearantly just had a new CD come out. Well, it's No tentacle-rape hentai, but i bet it was interesting, but that whole "I don't speak japanese" thing kinda interfered with me being able to understand what the hell they were saying.
So, i skip to a part of the world who is in the current events. Iran. there's a Network based out of LA, so maybe it's in english. Oil, Planes, Dead people, and other stuff, All in Persian. nope. this dosen't interest me either. thought the News Bits were Interspliced with some crazy Heavy techno, but that's about it. My American Attention span will not stand for this. I must find something NOW.
And then I did. stumbling upon The Netherland netTV Station festival TV was a god send. images of Hot chicks in bikinis on the beach, speaking Dutch(I assume), with music in english. Awesome.
I mean, how can you go wrong when you hear lyrics "let me entertain you" and "i wanna have sex on the Beach"? Well, Okay, There was a Male assshot, and more guys about that i would have cared for and then the beach boys played, and my Bikini Boobies were gone, replaced with concert footage of a group called Faithless. I wasn't too happy about my foreign bikini-clad boobies being replaced by a seal-looking guy hopping around on stage Singing Europop, but you know what? considering what else i had already watched tonight, I was content. hell, the song wasn't even half-bad. I'd listen to it again, maybe. But i'd much rather watch foreign Bikini Boobies. Mettchen, If you see this, could you give me an idea of what the hell I watched?
now I'm going to go to bed before i find out that all the channels I watched tonight were all cleverly-disguised Gospel Channels.
Been playing a lot of Neverwinter Nights Diamond of late(a hearty thank you goes to The Jones Boys for that one), that and work has been the reason for the lack of quality updates(and I use the word quality loosely here). so, apologies to my readers, all three of you.
Tomorrow is the big bash and the Slowbek’s. It is also the day of what is usually my most personal update of the year, of which is also part of the reason of the lack of updates, as I’ve been working on it this week.
But for today, we’ll be blind to that for now, and do a much more uplifting update, if not a bit bland.
I didn’t read many books that came out in 05, so we’re going to skip over that one.
Top 5 Watch of 05
1. Land of the Dead; Simon Baker, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper.
2. Sin City; Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba.
3. Hotel Rwanda; Don Cheadle, Nick Nolte, Joaquin Phoenix.
I hate you. seriously, i don't even want to be Just friends with you anymore. I hate to be the one writing this breakup note to you, but, there is only so much one can take. Okay, I'll be honest with you, World. I can forgive you for some things, like allowing yourself to be completely explored by the time i was born, and that tizzy we had back when you decided to reverse your Polarization(AGAIN). But other shit has been-
Wait. Strike that. Let's try again:
Dear Hollywood,
Seriously, What the Fuck?
first off, for some goddamned reason, you allowed SIX, count them, SIX Josh Kirby, Time Warrior Movies.
Then, it was Air Bud and that Most valuable Primate thing that some coked up exec thought would be perfect for the family. yeah, great idea. Im betting all those golden retreivers that were promptly dumped off at the animal shelter that never got adopted are just eager to thank you IN HELL WITH NUT BITES.
And don't even get me fucking started on Uwe "Schizer" Boll.
But that JUST WASN'T ENOUGH, WAS IT?
you Just HAD to go and do that which i won't even Speak of, but cursingly will point towards Slowbek's blog and mutter incoherantly. WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?
well, thanks a lot. after all these years, you have convinced me that the world is not worth living in. If you will excuse me, I'm going to go join a Doomsday cult and hope to whatever diety they offer the kool-aid sacrifice to that they're right.
Yes, i know you read my rant about how it is the pinnacle of Cinema, but this is a sort of a rant insipired by it.
Movie soundtracks, at one time, were a kickass addition to the Music Collection. nowadays, most of them seem shoveled out and half-baked. Now, there are exceptions, mind you, but i consider myself spoiled by the fact that i grew up in a time when The Crow soundtrack came out, and it is widely considered a "soundtrack done right", and a well-revered representive of The music scene at that point in time.
every once in a while, a riff, or a snippet of a song played in a movie will catch my ear, and i begin to go into a frenzy in an attempt to find that awesome track that i want. I spent 20 bucks back in 1998 to get the blade soundtrack. For my tastes, it was utter dreck: shitty rap music. I eventually ended up breaking the disc beyond repair, and i cried a lot of tears over it, obviously. BUT, it had one saving grace: The Confusion Pump Panel Remix by New order, aka "The Blood Rave scene Music". I have a point, i swear.
Cut to today. I have a friend who Bought the Sin city soundtrack. I gave it a listen, not only because of some of the kickass moodsetting music that is on the disc, but becuase i was looking for one particular Track. The Music played in the teaser trailer, or when you buy the movie Tuesday(and you should), the music that plays on the menu Screen on the DVD. i didn't know the name of it, but i would know it if i heard it.
No dice. It is nowhere to be found on the CD.
Luckily, I'm smart enough to take a look for it on this thing called the internet, and I was able to find out that the music in question Is called "Cells", By The Servant. And the Track is available Online Here, or on your better well-known File sharing services. The lyrics don't do much for the song in particular, but goddamn it's a great instrumental.
the whole point in this half-hearted exercise in amateur Journalism, is that there is often Kickass music Used in teasers that often never appears in the movie, and much more shamefully, never appears on the Soundtrack. Examples? Sparklehorse's "it's a wonderful life" used in the teaser for Dawn of the Dead, Never used during the movie. Hell, i couldn't even find a Soundtrack for the movie.
Another Semi-guilty movie is Underworld. Agent Provacateur's single "Red Tape", while not on the Soundtrack, is available on The Original Score Soundtrack. What's the difference, you ask? IN idiot terms, The soundtrack contains all the liscened music, while the Original score Soundtrack Traditionally is the Orcresrated Music that you hear in the background that Music Dorks(and i use the term in the most loving manner possible, Skadoosh and Slowbek) go ga-ga over.
hey.... Here's an idea, Music/Movie industry: How about Making it a double-disc compilation? better Yet, Choose one of those Cool New Disc Formats and Support it By Putting The OST on one side, and the Soundtrack on the Other? Not only would you be Positively Promoting a Format, thereby making way towards a Standardization of either one, but you'd probably make a bit more honest money, Rather than tricking People into buying a CD That dosen't have what they're looking for, thus making them much more likely in the future to download Music due to the feeling that "they got fucked over"?
Hey, you never know, it could work. spend a few bucks more for a Music-packed CD that has music that people are looking for, make some fans of said music they're looking for, and they just might buy a couple more Music CD's of those bands that people are looking for, which means...rising sales, and more money for everyone involved. Goddamn, I should have been a marketing major. that, or i've become completely delusional in my conquest to dominate and/or destroy the world.
While you're at it, if your going to use a song in a movie or a teaser, you should put it on the soundtrack. I'm looking squarely at you, Blade 3. You too, Sin City.
Ideas. I'm full of them. So that one was free. But you should hire me anyway becuase i'm that goddamned cool.
Plus, i need to support my "hookers and coke" habit.
out at pinch last night, had a blast. my memeory keeps going back to a lady was rather incredible looking. she had the face of an angel and the body of a devil. Now, normally, there are lots of women there who are, shall we say attractive. but her face stood out to me.
consider the fact that she even said hi to me(i must have been staring) and later, when i went to go and mingle amongst the crowd, she even reached out and touched me... it kinda made my night. I realize she was probably just being nice, and held no attraction for me, but as someone who usually dosen't even get a second look, it was a moment of respite from this toilet of a reality to feel a beautiful woman's hand upon my shoulder, however brief and passing it was.
then i came home and watched Sin City. I never have to watch another movie again. well, obviously i have to watch zombie movies, but anything else... nope. this movie kicks so much ass on so many levels that humans can't even fathom. Watch it. seriously.
well, tues night. getting this one in just under the wire. Nearing the end of the month. just one day fading into another.
Went and saw Land of the dead last night. awesome. on the way there, it being a monday night, i noticed a couple of things on my way, got my creative juices aflowin. do not worry though, i shall spare you for now. come july, however, may be the mont you want to skip reading, as i won't be doing a regular "update" per se. I figure i'd warn ya now, that way i won't get a lot of "WTF is this" comments like i did last year.
another odd thing about being in carbondale-and i don't know why i mention this, but i got to thinking of my last adventure in carbondale, with the hot chicks #'s 1 and 2... and i was thinking of some of the other crazy times, and a harken back to an old story(well, not much of a story, more of a declaration/admittance thang)...
I once drive through carbondale with no pants on, just to see if i could do it.
okay, i just creeped myself out. i'm going to stop now. sorry for that mind-scarring update. wait, no i'm not. if you're that mentally scarred, just do what i do: drink in excess. Nightly. As often as Possible. sometimes, you can forget, even if for a little while. Beats trust issue therapy by a country mile. or whatever therapy the image of me with no pants might elicit.
blah. i dunno what to write right now. I've been stumped for the last few days as to what to throw up on here. i put a hold on a certain announcement, but rest assured, it will appear soon.(read: this is a clever ploy to keep you reading, heh heh heh.)
here be links(i.e. I'm stalling until something pops on me head):
and something else i found: How many of These have you seen? I got a score of 14, but i also believe that the movie "Troll 2" was rated far too fairly. it should be right under, if not completely usurping the #1 spot.
quick hit from tonight:
Guy comes through drive-thru at the liquor store. wants a pack of smokes.
"can i trade these for those smokes i ordered?(it was the comp. pack of a buy 1 get 1 deal)
"negative."
"uh, what?"
"that means no."
"so i can't?"
"sorry buddy."
so he coughs up the money and lays it upon the sill.
"can i see your ID?"
"are you serious?"
"quite."
"man, i'm 19-20 years old! I don't believe this!"
"Well good for you! now prove it."
Whips out his ID, everything's kosher. pack of smokes sold over the ambiance of him swearing that he's not being a jackass(uh huh), but this is the first time in 6 billion years he's been carded yadda yadda yadda.
Well, about ten minutes later... he comes walking in.
"hey buddy, when i handed that money, was there a pill in there?"
"uhm, no."
he looks skeptically at me. "are you Positive there wasn't a pill in there?"
I've been dealing with idiots all night asking me if i knew the score(no) /watching the game(no, No T.V. and i'm in a tin can that gets shit for reception and i don't watch football)/howcome you don't like football, big'un?(because it's boring, and hockey's better anyways) comments all night, my "customer service" level is running a bit low.
all of this, and now i have a goddamned pillhead asking me if i've got his score.
"Quite positive."
"cause that was my blood pressure pill, man.."
"you should try not smoking."
no i'm on another rant.
big boy/big guy/big'un comments are so not cool. Seriously. if you think you're paying a compliment, you're not. How would you like this:
"hey big'un! how's it going? looks like you're staying wel-fed."
"Not too bad, Sir. How's that anexoria treating ya?"
We're not comparing dick sizes here, guys, becuase quite honestly, there's no comparison to be made. I'm bigger than you. I can survive longer in case we're stuck outside in the freezing cold on the side of a mountain. if we were on the moon, you'd float away before i would. I can't ride certain rides and i have to pay more for my clothes. i somehow live with it. I'm so sorry that you suddenly feel inadquate becuase i don't look like i've got a tapeworm or a coke habit. I'm fat and happy. you're skinny/average/whatever and happy. let's move on and hate each other for reasons other than weight.
now, don't get me wrong. i don't feel i have to point out that commenting how large or not is somehting i have to do, as i tend to think that my readers are intelligent enough to know better. That bit of advice is for all the dipshits who happen upon my page accidentally looking for hot and angaging crackwhore porn via AOL. plus, i just wanted to vent and right now seemed like a cool time.
anyway, i gotta get to bed.
Read/Watch/listen/play:
Servant of the Shard, R.A. Salvatore.
Unforgiven, clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman.
sweet zombie jesus, what the fuck was i thinking?!?!?!??!?!? christ I need to bleach my eyes. do you know how horrible i feel for wacthing this movie? Let me put it this way: If you hate me and want a free shot, christmas has come mighty early this year.
Print out This...ahem..."Coupon", bring it to me, signed with your name, and i'll let you take a shot. I'm Serious. I hate myself that much for watching this movie.
just please, for the benefit of my unborn-and-at-my-current-rate-may-never-be children, be gentle. I don't want them coming out retarded, and neither do you.
in other news, I was calling in the numbers at The Video Store tonight to our DM. Me, being a dumbass, dialed the wrong number. I don't think much of it.
five minutes later, the phone rings at the store. it's the wrong number that i dialed.
"Hi."
"uhm. Hello..."
"why did you call this number?"
"I'm sorry about that. I dialed the wrong number."
"who were you looking for?"
"(name of my DM)"
"Is he from johnson city?"
"Uhm, I don't think so."
(insert about three minutes of mumbles to some other person on the other end of the line, and her telling me how johnson city's prefix is 983, and not 925. clearly, she isn't listening to me.)
"and what is his number?"
I'm not obligated to tell you that."(i meant to say "at liberty" but i'm a dumbass, as evidenced by the earlier story of watching a shitty movie)
"oh really? Well we'll see waht the cops have to say about that."
"what?"
"you heard me, Asshole!"
"ma'am, what have i done to involve the cops?"
"oh let's see... Phone Harassment, Maybe? ever Heard of it?"
"ma'am, I have absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about."
"Oh, i think you do! you've called here Twice tonight! and you called the other night at three in the morning asking if we had an *-ball for sale! THERE'S NO DRUGS AT THIS PHONE NUMBER!"
"Uhm, No i haven't."
"Then how are we talking right now?"
"you called me, ma'am. and for the record, I've never Called anyone Looking for an 8-ball. I'm a video Store who Dialed the Wrong Number Trying to call in the Numbers to My District Manager."
(sounds of some lady asking if i called her or she called me).
"Oh, you dialed the wrong number..."("HOORAY FOR PUBLIC SCHOOLING!" i'm thinking)
Then she goes through about five more minutes of explaining how i sounded like this guy who called up the other night looking for an 8-ball(yeah, i caught that earlier in the conversation, thanks) and that there is not drugs at this phone number(you don't say? well gee, guess i'll have to try another random phone number) and how i swear i'm a video store in Christopher that, swear in my grave, dialed the wrong number.
and the zinger...
"yeah, I'm from that area."
"oh really?"
"yeah. I know the mayor."
"ahh. That's nice."
"Do you know Jessie Oyston?"
That's about all i have to say. Kinda made the rest of my night.
Saw dawn of the dead AGAIN. need to watch it more and more and more... but only when i can watch the latest show possible. Little teens and Guys who exclaim that the ending was "set up for a sequel" make me want to bite the fuck out of people
i don't remember telling you all this, but i went and saw the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre. it didn't convert me, though. and there was a pack of mouthbreathers that were rattling off every fucking subtitle so i had to move. why is it that people think you can do whatever the fuck they want to in a dark room in which they and a bunch of other people paid 6-7 bucks to get into to watch a new movie?
anyway, i'm out. i'm gonna try and work some magic so i can get the fuck outta dodge for the night.
enough procrastinating and drinking already, it's time for an update.
Tonight was prolly the offical end to my spring break(nevermind the fact that it offically ended yesterday when i was messing with that infernal Printer), as i got to hang with both Brando and Nunkie as well as the T-Man and his dad at the ole brew city.
ate at la fiesta, and went to the bathroom twice. while i was in there, i noticed something i would like to share with you, with the caveat of sounding a little creepy.
when i go into a bathroom(a small one in particular), i tend to sneak a peek to see if someone is taking up residence at the throne, as it were. nothing really sick, like peeking in on them and asking about the front page news, but i take a look to see if there is a pair of shoes. as i went in the first time, i noticed a pair of flashy hi-tops. i shrug, do my business, and then go about my way to eat.
after dinner, i go back in there to make space in my bladder for all the cola that i sucked down(i'm fat, if you all didn't know that already), and what do i notice" the same pair of flashy hi-tops.
now, this leads me to some awful conclusions:
1. this guy has really bad luck when it comes to going out and Bowel Movements. perhaps taking hits off the Ex-Lax bottle isn't such a good idea(i would know, i've done it before on a dare, yes i'm stupid like that.)
2. this guy is going for a poop-a-thon, in which i can totally respect, except for the fact that i like to schedule my marathons in the privacy of my own home.
3. the guy is killing kittens to the mexican pin-up girl in the stall. whether or not there actually was a pin-up girl, i did not find out.
right. so anyways.... now that i have either freaked you out or grossed you out... it's time for...
I thought i'd hammer something out right now, since i'm pissing off a lot of people by not doing somthing productive on one of the few computeres that still have net access. seem's half the lab is down, and after floating around for like 15 minutes, i finally scored one that i could use.
so anyways, we could go on and on about how Lord of the Rings smashed the shit out of everyone else at the awards show, but i honestly don't think any of you are going to care. at least, you'll care less once you hear about a little nugget i have picked up.
Behold, puny Humans: GTA: San Andreas. let me make a few return spaces whilst you drool.
I can say this at least: it's about goddamned time.
somthing else that has been out of the limelight for a while... a new Teen girl Squad!. Damn, i have missed these ladies. i can't tell if it's piss-your-pants-funny, since the speakers on my compy don't seem to work at all. I always seem to get the bum 'puters.
I'll tell you this much... it looks hilarious. can't wait to hear it.
anywho... not much else going on. were i home right now, i'd probably be able to tell you more about Stuff going ons. But, I have a Biology Club meeting today, and thus, why i am still at the school. If i were smart, i would have brought my Gameboy and crashed out somewhere for a couple of hours. But where would that leave you, herr reader?
oh yeah... here's something.... Check out this website for furry-fuckers lite. I think you'll get a kick out of the picture that loads. the good news? at least thier Acronym is kinda cool.
the bad news? they might as well just go ahead and call themselves PETA, becuase thier logic is just about as goddamned Retarded.
and just think what it would be like if This was nationwide college policy. there'd be a lot more BDSM junkies going into postsecondary education, to start.
and finally... since i gave such a crappy update yesterday, here is some interesting info about the imfamous Leap Year. I'll give you a little nugget for free: It took The Papacy 359 years to issue an offical Apology to Galileo.
Kinda cool, if i was a despondent mormon on a metrosexual soap opera on the local access channel out in Provo.
I am Such a Whore for name Generators. here's one, in case you're considering converting to Latter-day Saints. Ba'alzamon is probably the only one that will be able to tell us if it would be of any use to us in Utah.
Confidential to Ba'alzamon: we'd love a report, if you're out there listening pal.
anyways, not a whole lot going on. got off work not too long ago, which reminds me...
if you were my neighbor, would you do this to me? if you ask me, i think she was just jealous it wasn't her getting the meatpounding.
well, that's about enough for today. I have to go get my drink on, so i can show up for a store meeting tomorrow morning... at 8 AM. now people will learn the sad truth of making me go to a store meeting this early on a weekend. it won't be pretty, i assure you.
how about that for a starter? hopefully, it makes up for such a late update. i just got off work, after smelling the acrid stench of radiated flesh for about the last four hours. boy, i can't wait for the real tanning season.
by the way, if you haven't heard already, Science just gave the girlfriends of the world the the Biggest Weapon ever for not giving head. thanks a lot, science. really. i love the fact that you can't find the time to study other things, like things we drink, or better yet, a cure for cancer. Instead, you do this. really, thanks. good thing i can still masturbate violently without cuasing myself cancer.
argh. anyways... since i'm pissed off... it's time for
after getting off work yesterday, i decided to go on a road trip with brandocrap to SIUE to give it a pre-face fucking that is to come when the crew shows up for The Lady's(and TJ's) b-day. i like to think we did a smash-up job, thank you very much.
also, me and Brando finally bit the bullet: Say hello to our little friends Shadowrun(snes) and Skies of Arcadia(DC). they rocketh the mad RPG scene old skool, yo.
anyways, in an effort to kill time:
TWO WORD MOVIE REVIEWS:
Cabin Fever: suck ass.
Windtalkers : Nip asskickers.
Snatch: rocks ass!
and just becuase i still hate it:
Legion of the Dead: still hurts.
anywho, i think that's about enough for now. you all enjoy your late sunday update. if you're still bored, Go vote or something.
So, i wanted to go ahead and get an update in now, so all you early risers(read: suckers) have something to read. always thinking of you, dear reader. always.
becuase i need to fill some space here, it's time for...
TWO WORD MOVIE REVIEWS!
Dickie Roberts, former child star: Funny Movie.
League of Extraordinary Gentleman: Kinda cool.
Total Recall: Mars=awesome
Johnny Mnemonic: cyborg shemales
and a special treat for the kiddies: For those of you not in the know, Donnie Darko has a creepy ass website that actually enhances your Viewing pleasure of the DVD. check it out(kudos to Ba'alzamon for showing this to me while he was home the other night).
I got this link that i've been wanting to share for awhile now, and to be quite honest, i dunno what the hell took me so long to put it up. I do have a caveat about it though: it's one of those "fucking hilarious if you get it/sucks ass if you don't" type of sites. That's not me being an elitist snob or anything, honestly. it'll most likely be perma-linked later on today after i get out of Micro. and maybe i'll finally get < A href="http://actsofgord.com/>Acts of Gord up there while i'm at it.
Anywho, with that out of the way, I present to you: 8-bit theater.
in the "Fuck the RIAA" dept: woman countersues the RIAA on charges of racketeering. Rock on!
in somewhat related musical news: i hate groveling like this, but somebody please buy me this DVD!
by the way: we are now offically up to our ass in debt". this is the sound of me not making any implications, just so you know.
PS: as you can see, you can now check out what album to buy if you think some of the lyrics i post are catchy. here's what i wanna know: should i go back and retrolink all the lyrics in past updates? as always, comment below or fire off an email.
Today, I will be short on one thing, but do not let the length of this review fool you.
REVIEW: Legion of the Dead
It sucks. See subject line for a movie quote.
go Here if you really require additional input, but don't listen to JOshua S Johnston, who claims that the movie had "decent acting". i know several retarded dog turds in my backyard that can act better than what this movie had. next time, Joshua S. Johnston, take the glass pipe out of your mouth before you write a review.
in sonewhat related news: Movieoke? what the fuck? the last thing i want to see is some dude acting out his favorite porno movie, and you kow that's what this is going to eventually lead to.
rose Piracy. oy vey, do i feel safer knowing the roses i buy are legit. nevermind all that cocaine and heroin that comes form columbia, we gotta about Roses! i sure will sleep better tonight!
and for a "how cool is that?" article: M&M's lead to physics Breakthrough. Hyopefully, people will start taking my research on my "girls don't poop" theory seriously.
that's all for today. gotta get ready for work.
mdame
So take your hat off boy
When you’re talking to me
And be there when I feed the tree
here is a review, only because i lost the transcript to last night's crazniness that was "the online Power hour".
i just finished watching house of the dead. here's some thoughts:
What the fuck(my first of many, i assure you) was with Splicing footage from the video game? tacky as that is... the video game scene have the "press start" text on the lower right side.
some cool effects, but the storyline is rather... lacking. and what the fuck is with the weird-ass names? liberty, Casper, and some others that I've already forgot.
it does, however, pay it's dues in making reference to the Holy trilogy..."night" "dawn" and "Day". kudos for sega on that one. also, hooray for boobies!
NO kudos, however, for sponsoring a rave gone wrong in the isle de morte.
Clint howard: What the fuck?
in essence: rent, but do so with a very open mind. kick ass long action scene, the love story sucks, and so does my taste in movies. It's one i'll never force The Lady to watch, but i'll be damned if my movie collection is going to be complete without it. paint me retarded, but i love the campiness of it all, except for the video game footage. that just pissed me off. A movie project should be able to do more with 12 million in the bankroll. don't spend so much next time procuring a hot movie title and churning out a movie in six months, Artisan.
The ongoing misadventures of a late 20's 30 year old male still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Suggestions, hate mail, wedding proposals, and naked pictures of hot women can be sent here.
