Allow me to go ahead an start this out by saying I'm not a fan of 'lil Wayne. if you like him, that's cool, whatever. Your thing. Whatevs.
My dislike only deepened when on a car ride with Nunkie what I heard on NPR an Article on said artist. (PROTIP: Imagine the lines "I own about half a dozen Lil Wayne mixtapes, and there are many more out there. My favorite is called Da Drought 3." read in a very whitebread voice, and then find out DUH DUH DUN THE SHOCKING TRUTH.
Pretty shaky grounds for not liking his music, i'm sure. Maybe i just can't appreciate it becuase I haven't been properly fucked to it or something. I dunno. Maybe it's me. Anyway, Let's fast-forward a couple of months.
We have The local rock station playing in the workshop, because we're all sick of country music christmas songs, and I hear this...hard rock song that sounds horrible. Like babies being eaten by mutant sharks horrible. Then, there's some baleful wailing that passes as singing. "Okay." I begin to think, "This sucks, that's not suprising. But...why the hell does this sound familar?" Then it hits me. Within the screeching abomination that i guess is supposed to be vocal talent, I hear lyrics that I remember from too many nights at Cotton's.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Someone covered Lollipop."
Of course, my co-workers are now staring at me becuase I am talking to myself. again. I think they grabbed everything I could use as a weapon and hid it, too.
I continued to subject myself through the song, only becuase I want to hear who made this abortion of a song. Amazingly, the radio cuts out just as the Deejay(who hates you, by the way, becuase he played that song) announces who the "artist" is.
This will not stand. I must find out who this is. I may have possibly found the one band that sucks worse than Hinder.
If you ever heard me wail on about Hinder(god, i get a bad taste just writing that name), you know the seriousness of the charge I just leveled.
Well this little cat-and-mouse game continued on for about a month, until I finally figured it out using the magical powers of the internet and myspace music.
It's like opening Pandora's box. I almost wished i never learned who it was. I don't even want to sully my computer screen by writing thier name. but know this, Shitty band THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED: I wisah that you would die A slow, gruesome, and painful death.
And 'lil wayne, if you ever read my blog, Fuck you. Fuck you for allowing them to cover your song. I hope you choke, too.
so impressed with all you do tried so hard to be like you flew too high and burnt the wing lost my faith in everything lick around divine debris taste the wealth of hate in me shedding skin succumb defeat this machine is obsolete made the choice to go away drink the fountain of decay tear a hole exquisite red fuck the rest and stab it dead broken bruised forgotten sore too fucked up to care anymore poisoned to my rotten core too fucked up to care anymore broken bruised forgotten sore too fucked up to care anymore poisoned to my rotten core too fucked up to care anymore in the back off the side and far away is a place where i hide where i stay tried to say tried to ask i needed to all alone by myself where were you? how could i ever think it's funny how everything that swore it wouldn't change is different now? just like you would always say we'll make it through then my head fell apart and where were you? HOWCOULDI EVERTHINK IT'SFUNNYHOW EVERYTHINGYOUSWOREWOULDNEVERCHANGE ISDIFFEENTNOW? LIKEYOUSAID YOUANDME MAKEITTHROUGH DIDN'TQUITE FELLAPART WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? i listen to the words he'd say but in his voice i heard decay the plastic face forced to portray all the insides left cold and gray there is a place that still remains it eats the fear it eats the pain the sweetest price he'll have to pay the day the whole world went away just a noitcelfer just a glimpse just a little reminder of all the what abouts and all the might have c-c-could have beens _another day_ _some other way_ _but not another reason to continue_ and now you're one of us the wretched the wretched the hopes and prays the better days the far aways forget it it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to it didn't turn out the way you wanted it did it? it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to it didn't turn out the way you wanted it did it? now you know this is what it feels like now you know this is what it feels like the clouds will part and the sky cracks open and god himself will reach his fucking arm through just to push you down j-j-just to hold you down stuck in this hole with the shit and the piss and it's hard to believe it could come down to this back at the beginning sinking spinning and in the end we still pretend the time we spend not knowing when you're finally free and you could be but it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to it didn't turn out quite the way that you wanted it now you know this is what it feels like now you know this is what it feels like now you know now you know this is what it feels like this is what it feels like now you know now you know this is what it feels like youcantrytostopitbutitkeepsoncoming youcantrytostopitbutit. i've become impossible holding on to when when everything seemed to matter more the two of us all used all used and beaten up watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose you and me we're in this together now none of them can stop us now we will make it through somehow you and me if the world should break in two until the very end of me until the very end of you awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin they pick and they pull trying to get their fingers in well they've got to kill what we found well they've got to hate what they fear well they've got to make it go away well they've got to make it disappear the farther i fall. i'm beside you as lost as i get. i will find you the deeper the wound. i'm inside you for ever and ever i am a part of you and me we're in this together now none of them can stop us now we will make it through somehow you and me if the world should break in two until the very end of me until the very end of you all that we were is gone we have to hold all that we were is gone we have to hold when all our hope is gone we have to hold all that we were is gone but we can hold on you and me we're in this together now none of them can stop us now we will make it through somehow _you and me_ _even after everything_ _you're the queen and i'm the king_ _nothing else means anything_ she shines in a world full of ugliness she matters when fragile she doesn't see her beauty she tries to get away sometimes it's just that nothing seems worth saving i can't watch her slip away i won't let you fall apart i won't let you fall apart i won't let you fall apart i won't let you fall apart she reads the minds of all the people as they pass her by hoping someone will see if i could fix myself i'd-but it's too late for me i won't let you fall apart i won't let you fall apart i won't let you fall apart i won't let you fall apart we'll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide i'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side but they keep waiting and picking and picking and picking and picking and picking and picking and picking and picking and picking and it's something i have to do i won't let you fall apart i was there too i won't let you fall apart before everything else i won't let you fall apart i was like you. i won't let you fall apart i woke up today to find myself in the other place with a trail of my footprints from where i ran away it seems everything i've heard just might be true and you know me well you think you do sometimes i have everything yet i wish i felt something do you know how far this has gone just how damaged have i become when i think i can overcome it runs even deeper in a dream i'm a different me with a perfect you we fit perfectly for once in my life i feel complete and _i still wanna ruin it_ afraid to look as clear as day this plan has long been underway i hear them call i cannot stay the voice inviting me away do you know how far this has gone? just how damaged have i become? when i think i can overcome it runs even deeper everything that matters is gone all the hands of hope have withdrawn could you try to help me hang on? it runs... i'm straight i won't crack on my way and i can't turn back i'm okay i'm on track on my way and i can't turn back i stayed on this track gone too far and i can't come back i stayed on this track lost my way can't come back i stayed on this track gone too far and i can't come back i stayed on this track lost my way can't come back i stayed on this track gone too far and i can't come back i stayed on this track lost my way can't come back smiling in their faces while filling up the hole so many dirty little places in your filthy little worn out broken down see through soul baby's got a problem tries so hard to hide got to keep it on the surface because everything else is dead on the other side teeth in the necks of everyone you know you can keep on sucking 'til the blood won't flow when it starts to hurt it only helps it grow taking all you need but not this time no you don't and just for the record just so you know i did not believe that you could sink so low you think that you can beat them i know that you won't you think you have everything but no you don't et quand le jour arrive la tourner el ciel et la tourner la mer et la mer eh ven embrasse moi et la deneh ve moi logis a rien pa peut arrete moi a rien pa peut arrete moi a rien pa peut arrete moi a rien pa peut arrete moi staring at the sea will she come? is there hope for me? after all is said and done? anything at any price all of this for you all the spoils of a wasted life all of this for you all the world has closed her eyes tired faith all worn and thin for all we could have done and all that could have been ocean pulls me close and whispers in my ear the destiny i've chose all becoming clear the currents have their say the time is drawing near washes me away makes me disappear and i descend from grace in arms of undertow i will take my place in the great below i can still feel you even so far away i can still feel you even so far away i can still feel you even so far away i can still feel you even so far away even so far away even so far away even so far away so far away
all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on underneath iT ALL. we feel sO SMALL. the heavenS FALL. but still WE CRAWL. all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on all i've undergone i will keep on tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away talking to myself all the way to the station pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up all the ones that aren't allowed to stay tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches tried to overcome the complications and the catches nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping did you happen to catch? or did it happen so fast? what you thought would always last has passed you by? is everything speeding up? or am i slowing down? i'm just spinning around and i don't know why all the pieces don't fit thought i didn't really give a shit i never wanted to be like you but for all i aspire i am really a liar and i'm running out of things i can do i'd like to stay but every day everything pushes me farther away if you could show help me to know how it's supposed to be where did it go pleading and needing and bleeding and breeding and feeding exceeding where is everybody? trying and lying defying denying crying and dying where is everybody? well okay. enough. you've had your fun. but come on there has got to be someone hasn't yet become so numb and succumb and god damn i am so tired of pretending wishing i was ending when all i'm really doing is trying to hide and keep it inside fill it with lies open my eyes?maybe i wish i could try pleading and needing and bleeding and breeding feeding exceding where is everybody? trying and lying defying denying crying and dying where is everybody? pleading feeding bleeding breeding feeding exceding where is everybody? trying lying defying denying crying and dying where is everybody? i'm getting closer i'm getting closer i'm getting closer i'm getting closer all the time i'm getting closer i'm getting closer all the time i'm getting closer i'm getting closer all the time i'm getting closer i'm getting closer i'm getting closer i'm getting closer i'm getting closer i'd tried to get so high I MADE IT TEN MILES HIGH i'm gonna get so high. mynightmare'severywherebutinside alivingindicationofeverysituation butitseemsi'vegotneglectedcomplication hinderedmysalvation butitryanditry and i try i'm gonna get so high you'll never get inside i swore i'd never turn into you i'm closer all the time i made it ten miles high can't tell my truth from my lies i swore to god i would never turn into you i'm getting closer all the time no tear it all down tear it all down tear it all down tear it all down tear it all down tear it all down tear it all down tear it all down tear it all down tear it all down tear it all this is how it begins push it away but it all comes back again all the flesh all the sin there was a time when it used to mean just about everything just like now just like now breathe echoing the sound time starts slowing down sink until i drown i don't ever want to make it stop and it keeps repeating will you please complete me? never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up watch the white to never be enough turn to red to fill me up never be enough it fills up the hole but it grows somewhere else instead never be enough to fill me up all my life yeah yeah yeah yeah but it just left me dead the world is over and i realize it was all in my head now everything is clear i erase the fear i can disappear please i don't ever want to make it stop you can never leave me will you please complete me? never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough never be enough never be enough never be enough never be enough never be enough NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH NEVER BE ENOUGH never be enough to fill me up to fill me up never be enough to fill me up never be enough to fill me up to fill me up to fill me up to fill me up to fill me up i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now i'm going down now fill me up sideways sometimes somethings feel like i'm on the other side waves of every feeling ever felt waves of every feeling ever felt i scream it out this is how it all begins this is how it all begins this is how it all begins this is how it all begins i can see blackest hours this is how it all begins new flesh this is how it all begins this is how it all begins this is how it all begins give it to me i can take it give it to me i can take it give it to me i can take it give it to me i can take it give. it. to. me. i.c.a.n.t.a.k.e.i.t g.i.v.e. i.t. t.o. me. i. can. take. it. i've become. i've. i've become. i've. i've become. i've. i've become. i've. i've become. i've. i've become. i've. as black as the night can get everything is safer now there's always a way to forget once you learn to find a way how in the blur of serenity where did everything get lost? the flowers of naivete buried in a layer of frost the smell of sunshine i remember sometimes thought he had it all before they called his bluff found out that his skin just wasn't thick enough wanted to go back to how it was before thought he lost everything then he lost a whole lot more a fool's devotion swallowed up in empty space the tears of regret frozen to the side of his face the smell of sunshine i remember sometime i've done all i can do could i please come with you? sweet smell of sunshine i remember sometimes there is a game i play try to make myself okay try so hard to make the pieces all fit smash it apart just for the fuck of it bye bye oooh got to get back to the bottom the big come down isn't that what you wanted? find a place with the failed and forgotten isn't that really what you wanted now? there is no place i can go there is no way i can hide it feels like it keeps coming from the inside there isa hate that burns within the most desperate place i have ever been try to get back to where i'm from the closer i get the worse it becomes the closer i get the worse it becomes comes there is no place i can go there is no place i can hide it feels like it keeps coming from the inside all i do i can still feel you all i do i can still feel you all i do i can still feel you all i do i can still feel you all i do i can still feel you numb all through i can still feel you hear your call underneath it all kill my brain yet you still remain crucified after all i've died after all i've tried you are still inside all i do i can still feel you all i do i can still feel you all i do i can still feel you all i do i can still feel you
a l l i d o i c a n s t i l l f e e l y o u
a. l. l. i. d. o.
you remain
i. c. a. n . s. t. i. l. l. f. e. e. l. y. o. u.
i am stained.
Hope against hope. I hope that your lips burn with want for mine, your skin aches for the touch of my hand, and that your eyes ache for the sight of mine, forever. I will not be like the others. I will not sit here and keep lavashing praise upon you in hopes that i'll win your heart over again or that you'll give me another chance. I'll not be like Buster - Only emotional and affectionate when you're having sex. I won't be like Voodoobilly, or possibly countless others - trapped within a friendship when he's so obviously wanting more and not shy about it. I won't be like Conto - On Your myspace as your friend despite the fact that He went around telling bullshit lies about you. I won't be Like Pie or Dale or whoever it was in MA - Giving all the right signs and then having second thoughts when you get out there. I won't be like Matt - someone you stay with out of some sense of pity. I won't be Diggit or like anyone you have met, or will meet, in your desperate bid to erase, forget me, and move on. I was and am the most unique, understanding(Who the fuck else would have moved away form everything he ever knew(despite it being a shithole), and endured such restrictions and clauses in the relationship? Who?), and loving guy you will ever meet. And you let me go. I should have been the one person you would have changed for, fought for, and died for. Because you were to me and i essentially did. So now... I'm Killing that part of myself. _So many_ others in the past would have given everything they had to have that part of me that i guarded so heavily, yet gave to you so easily. No one gets in here anymore.
_If_ you come back, you will not have me so easily.
But you still got your words and you got your friends
I heard this song before, but i didn't _hear_ it till it came up one day in winamp, right around the time you nearly broke up with me in February. I remember thinking that it if it's gonna happen, it will be the song i end up leaving Rockford to. I hoped that day would never come.
I guess I should have been more determined, instead of pinning everything on hope. Another one of my faults, I suppose.
I always thought of you as the whistle- so beautiful, filled with hope(there's that word again) in an otherwise droning world.
You let me go. you didn't even wait for me to be out of the city before you started looking around again. Now you're used? Now you're closed? Who ever could have done that? And i'm the bad one, it seems. one fucking mistake and it was the deal breaker because of your fear(again, you do have it) of what i may be capable of. Why didn't you ever stop to think about what led me to that flaw? Or do you even remember what the problem was? Do you even care? show it, for christs's sake. show it for once.
Love IS a compromise. Love is saying "This person matters more to me than me, anything I've done, or will ever do." I gave the one last thing i had left in me to you. the one thing i wouldn't give even to the one i was going to marry. I gave my free will. How could you not? How could you not go "This is the one person who matters more than anything i do, done, or will ever do."? Did i really just end up being like all the others who came your way? all the others who got to be included more in your life? All the others who discarded what affection you publicly showed for for them as nothing meaningful?
What brighter side? it must mean you. There's no brighter side here. Only the broken remnants of the past, as always. Why do I hold onto it? because I have no future now, and the present is always fleeting. Much like you have from me. because you are scared. Keep denying it all you want, but you are. I am, too. Love and fear is all that reminds me that I'm still human. But like the Present, and You; it is fleeing as well, and soon there will be nothing. Is that what you want? To be exqusitely empty? Sweetheart, I've been there and I'm going back there yet again. Only this time I'm not lying to myself and saying there's answers or nobility in doing so.
You took so much away from me and made me a better person for it. Then You took so much away and left me defenseless against your killing blow. I gave it both times willingly.
This is ad libbed from a video game and modifed to suit my tastes for the current.
"Given the choice whether to live within a corrupt and failing empire, or to challenge the fates for another throw, a better throw against one's destiny....What was a man to do? But does one even truly have a choice? One can only match, move by move, the machinations of fate within the illusion of free will....And thus defy the tyrannous stars."
Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock.
Why do I feel trapped when I should feel free?
Where is the gypsy blood in me when I need it?
I just wanna be a horse in a field.
I'm good at running wild
and pretty good at being shot.
i hope it's worth it for you. I hope it's everything you need.
No. Not entirely. I want you to hurt over it. I want to know it meant as much to you as it did to me.
And I want a MegaMan laser arm cannon while I'm wishing.
Mope mope mope? Nope nope nope.
Not you.
I get to suffer because it meant something.
You get to.... run?
Nice.
So stoic. Guess I'll unravel for the both of us then. And just keep typing and yelling at clouds so I can bleed myself to sleep for another night.
Now let's sum up with a song from youtube, since I'm just writing in shitty fragments and pretending that
it's art/meaningful/good/something/you'll see it.
Nice and high and far apart
Just like they said
I built this place with broken parts
Just like they said
You chip away the old version of you
You'd be surprised at what you can do
I'm safe in here
Irrelvant
Just like they said
My voice just echoes off these walls
My voice just echoes off these walls
You feel me breathe
I am watching you
I see it all
The many ways you can get to me
I see them all
I see the hell you put yourself through
All the things I could do
(if I wanted to)
My voice just echoes off these walls
My voice just echoes off these walls
I don't need anything at all
My voice just echoes off these walls
And I just slowly fade away
And I just slowly fade away
And I just slowly fade away
Fade
Fade
Fade
Fade
Fade
Fade
Fade
You will never ever ever ever get to me in here
You will never ever ever ever get to me in here
You will never ever ever ever get to me in here
You will never ever ever ever get to me in here
In case you haven't noticed, I've not been doing much in the way up updating as of late. I have things to write about, but I find myself catching myself from writing it, thinking "Will it be good?" "Will so-and-so take it the wrong way?" "is it funny?" and other questions.
I also have a certain formula I do with writing updates, and I think the very formula is stifling me.
Hell, let's be honest, I'm stifling myself.
Third Shift in a factory is a lonely existence for me. I never realized how much of a social creature I am in my past jobs. Being a literal cog-in-the-machine, I have about 8 hours where I do nothing but think since the hands are on auto-pilot. When I'm not overanalyzing stuff with the girl, preparing myself for conversations and crazy, blown out of proportion situtations with the girl that never materialize outside of my own paranoid head, how much I miss being social with my customers, and how I feel severely underutilized at my job(if you knew my job, my pay, and my experience, you'd scream "What the fuck are you doing there?!?!?!", Too), I think about how I miss writing out the stories in my head, or the things that are on my mind. That takes me on a different avenue, to where I imagine a whacked-out future where I actually make a litle bank being a writer of stories. I have about 4 books(or at least pretty damn decent teleplays) in my head written at the moment just from the last 3 weeks of work. And I don't want it to stop.
I've been opening up my experiences musically, too. Finding inspiration in new stuff, sampling this and that from the girlfriend's collection, and expanding on others I heard a lot on Groove Salad, and Sirius Chill and during my last tenure at the Liquor store. Getting some reading in too, mostly books I have had for a while and couldn't get the time to finish, or picking up the rare new book that I feel like I can splurge on. It feels good to be developing my palate after not doing so in over a year. It's all feeding into driving me a bit more.
Now, you're probably going "What the hell? this sucks! COME ON, fucking dance already, cowboy!" Yeah, you're probably right. Hold the fuck on, already.
You see, I realized that things for me, while they aren't quite ideal yet, they're getting there, slowly. Now, given, when I first started doing updates back in aught-3, I was also in a particulary okay place. I wrote, and I covered things that interested me, but I didn't... write, and I don't feel like I truly started to pour myself out until the bottom dropped out. Granted, I look back on some of the stuff I did post and go "Jesus, what an emo fag" and want to tear it all down, but... I don't. Not becuse I want to leave a permanent Internet Memorial to lost love or think everything I shit out on here is fried fucking gold, but becuase it marks where things were at the time. It's a part of my history, and I can't and wouldn't change it. It does, However, clash with the more recent upbeat goings-on.
So, what I'm leading into is that the site is in a sort of a spiritual dichotomy. It was built on me being dejected and bleak, not having that feeling of hope for what tomorrow brings. It grew under the purpose of me venting my anger and self-hatred out into the world, of finding that kindred, self-destructive part in you that has been there before and remember how/what you felt, or for those who haven't been there, and wanted to watch a flame burn itself out. I wanted to be your mirror, or that horrible statue you just keep gawking at, wondering who in thier right mind would have sculpted that.
Not to piss on my own happiness, but Goddamnit, that's what i'm good at. I used to be awesome at fucking things up for myself. I'm great at generating volumes of worthless hatred for whatever's got me hacked off today. Throw a healthly Seasoning of What-a-fucking-Weirdo, bake at 375 Degrees for an hour, and ta-da! An TAOSD update. And now, I struggle with the very concept, it seems. I have happy, sometimes a bit fucking weird, things to talk about, but nothing there that seems to be what I used to write about. I even toyed with renaming the blog. The concept of Self-Destruction dosen't seem to be in these pages these days. But Mr. Reznor hasn't sued me yet, and I like the title.
And despite what it sounds, i'm not whining about how I feel I have lost that creative edge and need something to make me feel shitty in order to recapture it. Quite the opposite. I feel more creatively inspired than I have in a long time. I have quite the inspiring Muse to draw off of. My problem, of late, has been time, and how to frame what I got within the context of the blog without giving all three of you readers the feeling that I've jumped the shark and have nothing further to offer except puppies that shit sunshine out thier asses.
Then I got all Ving Rhames and said "Fuck y'all. I write what I want." So... if you're still following at this point, here's what I've come to, i think.
I'm going to write, just to write, and keep the noose of self-censure off my neck as much as I can. less Lawful Good, more Chaotic Neutral. As it should have been all along before I got myself caught up in whatever self-restraint I was doing trying to pander to a varied audience for validation. I'm gonna let it take me for a ride, not worry if anyone else hitched on, and see where the hell I end up. The Idea, in theory, will let me stretch my mental legs and get me back on this horse again. Things are going to be jumbled up a bit, and not everything is going to be presented as having a basis in fact with some sort of tragic or happy event that is going on in my life. Things may get obscure, or outright confusing. There may be in-jokes involved that only few or I get. I may ramble on and on about things that don't appear to have any sort of cohesion. Kind of like this whole wall of text.
One of the things I have been reintroduced to(i.e. i knew of,but didn't listen to much of) since I started this whole relationship business is Bjork. and I consider that a very good thing. Oh lord, how much have I missed out. I tend to associate music with who i am dating at the time, and I believe Bjork and Sparks is probably the most closely matched pairings i've ever made.
The Best way to explain it is to just have you look at the cover for Volta. just about any Music Video She has done works too: Very elegant, artistic, and surreal, but trying to make absolute sense out of(as I am often want to do with women it seems, that's a problem on my end) is a fucking nightmare.
Further using the "Sparks as my Bjork" Metaphor, this is probably the best way to describe some of our conversations.(EDIT: was a youtube link, found the .gif instead)
Now, onto what I really wanted to make a short post about.
As I said, I've been getting into the Icelandic wonder of late, and I stumbled across a video from her latest Album. I spent a half hour jumping around my apartment playing air guiter with a broom, which is pretty much the only reason i bought the broom, and quite possibly the only reason why i wanted to live on my own- So i could do such acts without crashing in the floor or pissing off moms or gma with my dreams of playing crazy electro-rock. Serious fucking business, yo.
If you can find the quicktime for this video, I highly recommend watching it. Youtube compression dosen't do justice to the crazy. Or to the hotness of Miss Guomundsdottir.
Alright, how about something with a bit of meat on it? Since I've done a bang-up job of updating so much this month. Also, I guilted myself into doing another update due to the horrible spelling in the last one and i'm feeling too lazy to go back and correct it for now, So lets' stick with the Muzaks theme.
So What new music am I waiting with bated breath Now?
Well, If any record Execs are listening, You could do me a huge Favor by getting MAssive Attack and Portishead to Hurry the Hell up with those new albums already. Manson's coming out with a new album, Heard A track off of it, Can't say I'm sold yet. time will tell.
While we're Building castles in the sky, Lets Get the Rentals on that "I really want to hear something new from them" List I got going. Fuck it, Throw Ruby on there, too. Are you listening, Lesley Rankine? come out of retirement plzkthxbye.
Anyway, hypothetical, political, lyrical, miracle whip. I got nothing more than humpty for you, appearantly.
Well, time to prepare for my weekend of not doing anything cool. Hope you kids going to Chi-town have a good one. Wish i could have made it. Logistics just weren't going to work, though.
Year Zero review by a rabid fan, done in five words or less. i'd go deeper, but you should listen to it for yourself and most of you aren't really fans anyway. And i'm trying to keep teh fanboyism at a low level. also, That show i don't watch is coming on.
Hyperpower: kickass guitars, the new pinion.
The beginning of the end: new concert intro, i'll bet.
Survivalism: You've probably heard it already.
The Good Soldier: groovy Xylophones.
Vessel: Least favorite song.
Me, I'm Not: anticipation via electionic beats.
Capital G: YOu wish you were me.
My Violent Heart: Dude, I'm A rebel!
The Warning: E.T., The Harbinger of Apocalypse.
God Given: Heaven, No colored people alowed.
Meet Your Master: Die, rebel Scum!
The Greater Good: Drug Trip Song. Awesome Beat.
The Great Destroyer: Trent goes apeshit on synths.
Another Version of the Truth: Solace at Ragnarok. Wasteland instrumental.
Work is work.
I nearly renounced my Atheism on account of a customer who just wouldn't leave.
I really have to try to like people sometimes.
Love life sucks, still and seemingly forever.
My Walls have been rebuilt.
Spent 5000 fake dollars gambling in my fake life.
I lost 20 bucks of my very real money.
That was a bad idea.
I wanted to do an April Fool's Update.
I didn't have time.
Next Year, flag semaphore.
Maybe.
Brandocrap would shove Jesus for A chance with Kari Byron.
I would murder all of you if I had the same chance.
Or even for a passable look-a-like.
I'm Morally Questionable.
I don't mind that so much anymore.
My Throskie is only a 63 :( and wears outdated gear. Year Zero is absoludicriously fucking awesome.
You knew I would say that.
Alanis Morissete does My Humps.
you've probably Seen it.
Tori Amos does Raining Blood.
You should hear the Classic first.
I'm a future 419 Scam victim.
I could go on and on.
Getting the fuck outta here on a one day trip.
All work and no play something something something.
Here, I Haven't done one of these in nearly forever. Enjoy.
Read/Watch/Listen/Play:
Promise of the Witch-King; R.A. Salvatore. 300; Gerard Butler, Rodrigo Santoro, Vincent Regan. Collected; Massive Attack. God of War 2; Sony Computer Entertainment of America.
I used to make fun of that guy, always getting whipped up into a fanboy-ish fervor over a new album dropping soon, saying "it's going to be awesome" and "mind-blowing" "revolutionary" and other words. Well, mostly I just made fun of Slowbek and his Dream Theater Fetish with the requisite(albeit in the most loving terms possible) "You're such a Prog Metal fag. How the hell can you listen to 30 minute tracks with 462 keyboard, guitar and drum solos?" (Nevermind my own dark secret of actually attending a Dream Theater concert, twice. That's neither here nor there.)
Then I realized I do the exact same fucking thing with NIN, complete with a fanfic posting on my own blog, which I think actually makes me worse than slowbek by a exponential factor of 90.
And let's not start on the Warcraft themed posts I've made in the last six months.
That being said, I'm going to devolve into fanboy mode for a minute.
OMGWTFTURTLESINBBQSAUCE!
I want 1984, Mad Max,Half-Life 2, and every revo-anarchist's wet dream all rolled up into a nice audio soundscape and get me fucking higher than a kite. I want Pretty Hate Machine to have a brutal one-night stand with The Fragile, get knocked up and have bastard children, and reared by The Downward Spiral. DADDY WANTS HIS PRECIOUS NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW GIVE IT TO ME OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAAARRWRRWRRARRWAGGGHHHHdl;kjseernhser
3509weaigth123413gh34o28h5yjg3n 42oih5t45ygivr me i'ma audiocrack dffiend qbgfqewwqerlhnqewroighqerbgqerihqerlkgj;bqebashinghandstiltheybloodynubs
bhasd;lighadfghadfighabhfzdighghzdroigtdfzlih
brrrrztraprapraprapdogsandcatslivingtogether
MASSFUCKINGHYSTERIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHATISYOURMAJORMALFUNCTIONSPRIVATEPYLE!!!!!!BUSTADEALFACETHEWHEEL!!!!!
*pantpantwheezesighofpleasure*
Much better.
To compensate for all that, here's a cute picture I stole from a Fark thread. Enjoy.
There are subversives at work who wish to dissuade you from the truth. By way of spreading lies about our glorius nation, these undesirables seep into our collective subconsciousness and erode away our very beliefs, seeking to multiply like virii in a healthy human host. These detractors from freedom would have you believe that all the we have taken to ensure your continued safety against those who would do us harm have some sort of wide-spanning conspiracy theory. Let me be the first to tell you that this very notion is perposterous and outright treason! These rogue elements will soon be dealt with soon enough, I have it on very good authority.
In the meantime, we can all do our part. remember the old adage "Think globally, act locally"? well, you can do just that by helping out in your own neighborhood. For the career-minded, Volunteer service is a great start if your looking to join "the Best of the Best".
We are the Chosen, and this rough spot will soon behind us.
Be safe. Be aware.
The wool's being pulled over your eyes. We're all fucked.
Stop drinking from the faucet and see for yourself.
Confidential to Sarah: Nope, haven't heard anything.
There's a song by Massive Attack called "Karmacoma". Everytime I hear it, I get the urge to start talking in a rastafarian tone and make references to "Dah ganja, mon" and "jah maka", and "bob marley mon". This is about the extent of my knowledge of this subculture, so I end up making a shitload of stereotypical spoonerisms to make it more authentic to myself.
Much like most of what I say to myself, this isn't usually funny to anyone, unless I get into one of my fits and becide that the entire house must know. And since I'm putting it on here, you know that I did exactly just that. As usual, the victim of choice is my grandmother.
So here I come, bounding into the living room.
"Jah mon. Let's smoke tha ganja, gramamma, and roll out to some bob marley, Jah?"
Gma Stares blankly at me, unimpressed with my new demeanor, as I have interrupted her viewing of "Shark". undeterred, I continue.
"Let's go get the voodoo, child." I'm thinking she'll understand me now if i take on the demeanor of a voodun crone, complete with sulty hip swaying.
Gma, knowing that simply ignoring me will not work now, Unleashes.
"what the hell kind of talk you call that?"
"I'm Jamacian....Mon."
"If that's what they teach you in school, I'm glad I never went. You sound like a fucking moron."
I drop the accent and think of the only defense I could come up at the moment. "I learned it from watching you!"
I Think I meant to imply that I learned it from watching Mom, since she was a flower child(much to Gma's chagrin), but I was under pressure and the only thing that popped up in my mind was the famous anti-drug line. anyway, this only fazes Gma for a moment, probably contemplating which painful way she is going to kill me in my sleep.
"If I still drank, I'd chuck a full beer at your head and hope it knocked some sense into you. No wonder your mother didn't have any more kids after you."
"Thanks, I think." I'm leaving the room at this point, as any further provocation means I might get hit with her walker. that whole "old and Decrepit" thing is just a cover. She once tore the neck out of a whale with her teeth, you know. Now whales don't have necks. You do the math.
Lack of updates, I know. and I also know I do say the following a lot too, but I got a couple things I've been working on to throw up in the next few days. I think you will enjoy at least one of them.
First off, a tactically late, but none the less great, shoutout to The Murr-vegas all Stars, who did a hell of a show at Tman and Sarah's reception. I don't think there was one person in attendance who didn't like the show. They also allowed a rather inebriated Livingdead to sit in with them after the show and listen to them talk about the particulars of past shows and upcoming gigs they were looking forward to. I threw in my own "hardball" questions. such as "What were your influences growing up?" and "Would you ever consider playing carbondale?" I also remmeber making a comment or two about the racial demographics of Franklin County, and hearing there is a similar one in Kentucky. While I was genuinely interested in hearing thier backstory and everything, it mostly served as a next-day notice that I need to quit thinking I'm some kind of Journalist/Social Scientist when I'm very drunk.
While on the subject of the reception, here's a "Die in a fire" to the two drunk douchnozzles who tried to crash the reception for free beer and food. Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking? I kinda know one of them, and I can say I wasn't much of a fan prior to this, anyhow. You, sirs, are no Vince Vaughn. teh Funnay happened when they acted all indignant when they got the boot, like they had some kind of right to be there.
Anyway, Good times ensued. I remember actually laughing and living it up with all my friends, which I hadn't been able to do and properly enjoy in quite a while. Also, acting all svelte around one particular attendant and having even more conversations, being gentlemanly, and not looking chestward too many times. Oh, if only you could have seen me later, passed out over the bathtub, probably mumbling something like "I'm so going to Blog about this!"
Enough of the expose(insert backwards ` thing here). Suffice to say it was a great time.
Your cell phone, your wallet, your time, your ideas
No barcode, no party, no ID, no beers
Your bankcard, your license, your thoughts, your fears
No simcard, no disco, no photo, not here
Your blood, your sweat, your passions, your regrets
Your office, your time off, your fashions, your sex
Your pills, your grass, your tits, your ass
Your laughs, your balls.
We want it all
We want your Soul
(Your Cash, Your House, Your Phone, Your Life)
Tell us your habits, your facts, your fears
Give us your address, your shoe size, your years
Your digits, your plans, your number, your eyes
Your schedule, your desktop, your details, your lives.
Show us your children, your photos, your home.
Here, take credit, take insurance, take a loan.
Get a job, get a pension, get a haircut, get a suit.
Play the lottery, play football, play the field, score some toot
We'll show you things, show you scenes.
We'll buy you drinks, throw away your books,
We'll sell you crack, We'll charge you tax.
We're going to buy big guns with the tons of cash
We want your Soul
Your Cash, Your House, Your Phone, Your Life
Your thoughts, your emotions, your love, your dreams
Your cheque book, your essence, your sweat, your screams
Your security, your sobriety, your innocence, your society
Your self, your place, your distance, your space
Go back to bed America, your government is in control again
Here, watch this, shut up!
You are free to do as we tell you!
You are free to do as we tell you!
We want your soul
Here's boy bands, here's matters, here's Britney, here's Cola
Here's pizza, here's TV, here's some rock and some roller
Watch commercials, more commercials, watch Jerry, not Oprah
Buy a better life from the comfort of your sofa
Here's popcorn, here's magazines, here's milkshake, here's blue jeans
here's padded bras, here's armpit wax, here's football shirts, here's baseball caps
here's live talk shows, here's video games, here's cola lite, here's ten more lanes
here's fingertips, here's collagen lips, here's all night bars, here's plastic hips
We want your soul
(Your Cash, Your House, Your Phone, Your Life)
Go back to bed America, your government is in control again
Here, here's American Gladiators
Watch this, shut up!
Go back to bed America,
Here's American Gladiators, here's 56 channels of it
Watch these pictuary retards bang their fucking skulls together
And congratulate you on living in the land of freedom
Here you go America,
You are free to do as we tell you!
You are free to do as we tell you!
We want your soul
(Your Cash, Your House, Your Phone, Your Life)
No sex, no strays, no dropouts, no gays
No lefty's, no loonies, no opinions, no way.
No thinkers, no teachers, no fats, no freaks
No skaters, no tweakers, no joke, no way.
We want your soul
Here's popcorn, here's magazines, here's milkshake, here's blue jeans
here's padded bras, here's armpit wax, here's football shirts, here's baseball caps
here's very very very very very very very very very very very very very long infomercials.
To counterbalance that, I came home from work to find out that my MP3 Drive is roached. all my music is gone.
FUCK.
The luck giveth, and The luck taketh away.
Could be worse, I suppose. I could have found out that i just won a Bazillion dollars and then find out i'm going to die in a few weeks from a Deadly Strain of Herpes or something.
So, I've got this theory, and you just became my unwilling test subjects-slash-peer review community.
Go to your CD or DVD collection. Take a good look at it. and I don't mean glance over it real quick just to assure yourself that there isn't anything missing. I mean really look at it. It's okay. I can wait a few minutes.
Okay. As you were browsing your catalog, did you happen to come across anything that particularly stuck out? Like say... A Pink CD amongst your Metallica? Or perhaps a Marilyn Manson CD hidden between Garth Brooks and Toby Keith? Maybe even a Yo-Yo Ma nestled snugly betwixt Nelly and Dre? Maybe You have The Notebook filed in with your Terminator movies, or you have Resident Evil laying atop a Stack of Tom Hanks Movies. Or, better Yet, you, for some Strange reason, have every single LOTR dvd that ever came out, and you never watch them. Ever. And where the hell did that Phil Collins CD come from?
What I'm theorizing is that people have three reasons for such "Sore thumbs" in thier collection:
1. A guilty pleasure. (Guys)You actually LIKE watching A Lot Like Love. You Think Britney Really does a hell of a job on her Debut Album. Kenny G really is good. (Girls) You LOVED Predator. You get a kick out of Korn. In Your Opinion, N.W.A. drops dope-ass rhymes. You actually like the oddball disc in your collection, but you may not be that into the genre it represents. It goes against what you normally listen to or whatever image you have built up yourself to be. You aren't quite embarrassed to hide it as if it were porn, but you hope no one notices it and makes conversation about it should they go browsing through your collection.
2. Social factors. Quite the opposite of the first reason, you want people to see the movie or CD. You may not have watched Schindler's List, Citizen Kane, or the Big Lebowski or listened to the latest Coldplay, Tool, or Jason Mraz CD, but you want people to think you did, or that you were interested enough in it that you bought it. Kind of like how Hawking's A Brief History of Time adorned Many coffee tables, but few people actually read the damn thing. You just hope by having it you seem a bit more cultured in your Media tastes.
3. The opposite sex. You live with your Significant Other. Just like toilet seats in the up position, Tampon boxes, and football during Desperate Housewives, amalgamating the music and movies into one collection is just something you had to dealt with. Most likely, you never even thought about the issue since it isn't a big deal and you don't know what it's like so what the hell are you writing about it?
Well, it sounded interesting in my head. At least it's an update.
Awwwww fuckjizzles, 'tis friday and I'm all ready to do... something.
If there is one game I figured I would have been tired of by now, it's God of War. I re-rented it earlier this week, and goddamn I can't get enough of it. There's something therapeutic about kicking right into a game where the goal is absolution, revenge, and killing every motherfucker that stands in your path that just rings true to me. After a long week of dealing with the public, it satisfies in a way that no Snickers bar ever could.
Also, I found a 40 gig Hard drive just hanging around, and slapped it into Compy 2.0. Now I have space to spare for my music. Beforehand, I had about 7 megs left on a 15 gig drive, so I couldn't rip any of my new CD's and keep it all centrally located. I'm happy not to have my music in one place instead of scattered across an array of three drives. So now, I have a 15 gig drive free that I'm thinkin of either slapping into the original Compy and installing Slackware onto, or somehow converting it into an mp3 server. and wiring it to the stereo. Why? Becuase I'm fucking hardcore nerd, yo.
Also, I'm becoming an effective Zombie-killing Machine on Urban Dead and I Love it. So now you have more reasons why I haven't done that thing i've been talking about with the pictures and the sidebar box. can you say 'procrastinator'? Also, can you say shitty sentance structure?
Now I am going to go find something to do that is most likely nonproductive.
I'm a dick because I don't call people back. I have a horrible record of that. and text messages, I'm not so good at that either. or email. Might as well throw that one in, too.
And I still haven't done that work on the site itself yet. I'm such a lazy fuck. This is what happens when you have an (nearly)unrestrained addiction to Diablo 2 co-op.
Is there something going on next weekend? I was planning on going to springfield becuase I wanted to see the Jacksonville crew, but I was reminded that next weekend is easter weekend, and that's when Jesus died, came back and passed out Wal-Mart candy to all the kids or something. Anyway, so no trip to Central Il this weekend. My question is WTF is going on, then?
Anywho, I have to sign off now becuase of that whole work thing I got going on tomorrow morning.
If you're bored, check out Petra Haden's rendition of Thriller.
Nails Rocked. Better than the STL show. Once I seen how tame GA was, I was wishing I had tix down there. but alas, I was resigned to the nosebleeds of section C, where the people "who came to see the band who did that closer to god song" where.
Seemed like the new songs were more refined this time than they were for the STL show, and I Loved the Fragile-era stuff they played, particularly Even Deeper and The Big Comedown, and glad they didn't play Starfuckers. No Love Is Not Enough, though, damnit, and no The Day the World Went away, but minor faults for an otherwise kickass show.
Sorry. been busy all week with work. I'm splitting time between two stores now, and I can't really say I enjoy it, But it gives me some more of the all-important money. I haven't had much to write about of late anyway. there's only so many ways you can write "Life sucks and I hate the world" before you start resorting to bad Poetry. and since i'm not a memeber of the cure or a teenaged goth/emo kid, i'll spare you.
Going to the NIN concert in champaign tonight, first concert of thier second leg of the tour, so hopefully it'll have a different setlist than what me, brandocrap, and slowbek saw in STL back in October.
Been playing a lot of Diablo 2 again, which is another reason why there haven't been many updates of late(especially on the weekend). It's a time-killer, and since the bars are in decline as of late, I'm down with that.
Working this Valentine's day. Yippee. I get to see a bunch of couple come in and rent movies that they aren't going to watch anyway. Fuck them. and fuck Valentine's Day. I hope the world ends that day.
Been playing a lot of Neverwinter Nights Diamond of late(a hearty thank you goes to The Jones Boys for that one), that and work has been the reason for the lack of quality updates(and I use the word quality loosely here). so, apologies to my readers, all three of you.
Tomorrow is the big bash and the Slowbek’s. It is also the day of what is usually my most personal update of the year, of which is also part of the reason of the lack of updates, as I’ve been working on it this week.
But for today, we’ll be blind to that for now, and do a much more uplifting update, if not a bit bland.
I didn’t read many books that came out in 05, so we’re going to skip over that one.
Top 5 Watch of 05
1. Land of the Dead; Simon Baker, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper.
2. Sin City; Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba.
3. Hotel Rwanda; Don Cheadle, Nick Nolte, Joaquin Phoenix.
This is probably going to be a long update, to make up for the lack of quality recently. go grab a drink, light up a smoke, and settle in. this one winds all over the place.
About a month ago, i signed up for the "Meet Me" on HotorNot.com. Basically, you go through a slideshow of people, read a little about them, and then click whether or not you'd Like to meet them. It's interesting, to say the least. I did it out of amusement, and out of some sick sesne that maybe it might work for me, since just about everything else to this point has failed.
the other day, i get this from one of my double-Matches in my email.(my comments in italics):
Hi,
Looks like we matched!(if by "matched', you mean i got tired of clicking NO on Just about every profile because they come across as shallow and conceited, Not to mention living several hundred miles away, then i guess we did match I clicked Yes to you because you're a total
cutie!(you're a goddamned Liar, and a terrible one at that) I am sending this note because I think we could be friends and
maybe more and one of us has to be a Star Member for us to email each
other, and I think the gentleman should pay.So much for the women's movement
Hope to talk to you soon!
M
Most likely, this is HotorNot trying to shill thier premium services, and should be regarded as such.
However, On the Off-hand chance it's not, I sent a response.
M,
Obviously, you didn't read my profile. let me give you a couple of pointers: when i say "I'm still trying to figure out what i want to be when i grew up", that really means "I don't have a good job becuase i made poor life choices, and don't have money, respect, or power. Therefore, I'm not genetically viable." That last Fact is Verified by the statements "I'm a 26y/o Guy", "no Kids" and "Single(for a while now)".
Sorry for the reality. It sucked for me to learn that, too. hope you find what you're looking for.
P.S. I'm not hard to find online. If you really wanted to "be friends and possibly more", you certainly don't need a pay service to find me.
Livingdead(hint, Hint.)
Let it Be known that I no longer wonder why i'm Still single. between this, girl from The Barrell Drive-thru, and the 10 minute Date with Jesusgirl, I'm pretty sure that i'm a insensitive jackass who is too jaded to mantain a functional relationship. Hell, I'm not sure i even want a relationship anymore. i'm just going out and Meeting women now for the outrageous stories.
I've been playing Warcraft 3 for the last week, and i just got to the Night elves Campaign. Christ almighty, i hate these fairies. It's the last campaign, and it shows because it's damned hard. I'm tempted to grab the cheat codes, if, for nothing else, i don't give myself an aneurysm from screaming holy hell at my stupid Night elf Archers, who are only capable of doing one thing: dying.
halfway through the week i thought better and switched to another game, as Any PC gamer knows that Warcraft 3 is a gateway drug to a much darker and more sinister Game: World of Warcraft. So i tried Patrician 3, where i learned that i would have never made it as a 14th Century Trader. I got burned on a Salt and Spice Deal, and that was that.
So, Back to Warcraft, where i didn't have to deal with that kind of Nonsense. Only Stupid Elves.
Confidential to Brandocrap: Your THUG Online victory is Hollow and Meaningless.
How about this...A New Harvey Danger album for free? You bet. Go on, Stick it to the RIAA Legally. You Know you want to. I'll be the first to say i wouldn't have heard this album otherwise. Definately worth paying for the physcial CD on principle alone. not only that, it's easy on the ears.
speaking of organs,i found this Surfing through HackADay. I think it's awesome, but i don't think i'd ever do it myself. Too Nerdcore for me, and i don't wear my glasses enough to justify that. I should, but i don't.
Well, that's about all for today. I Got to figure out a Way to get out of Work friday so i can catch My ride to Joplin. That's another story for another time.
Guilty Party added.(EDIT: here's the Link until i can figure out why it's not showing up)
It's late friday night, and i'm at home updating the blog. wow, I really DO suck.
I got the NIN Collected DVD today, and as cool as it is, i'm glad i didn't pay for it, though seeing portions of the Broken movie and the woodstock preformance renewed my interest in finding a good early generation copy of both. Also, the DVD is Marked Explicit Content, yet the Videos are Bleeped out. WTF? I'm also really hoping in vain that there might be a Closure DVD release this year, now that ol' Trent Rezzinator has got that nasty business with Nothing Records Settled. Then again, we're about to hit a new product Cycle of consoles, So i don't really expect anything new till sometime in 2525. I feel really sorry for the suckers that bought Collected off of Ebay.
Here's a question: let's say you were a pothead(hey, not passing judgement), and you were looking to score some leaf for the night. Who would you ask? If you answered "You're local Video store clerk who you barely know", you'd be wrong. Now, granted, My illicit drug experiences are limited(not counting that bout with the Green Devil, Absinthe) to playing Drug Wars, but i think i'd hit up people that are most associated with that particular sub-sulture as opposed to Joe Retail, but hey, this is Southern Illinois. You really can't expect much.
Well, Now that i have other things on my mind, that about does it for this update on my glorious life, why NO, i'm not bitter, and that surely wasn't sarcasm.
Go here If you're into Fan Remixes of NIN's Latest Stuff. Personally, I recommend Sefiros' "Recollection remix" of Only, and the 10-35 Productions Remix of "The Hand That Feeds".
So, I was Browing thorugh my hard drive looking for a certain Zip file, and i came across one on my main drive labeled georgous.zip.
"What the fuck is this?" I say, clicking on the Archive(new Computer users, Take note: Don't do this. This is one of the many ways you get a computer virus.)
it's a bunch of .jpg Files.
"what the fuck are these?" I say, clicking on one of the pictures to open in a viewer(New Users, again, Don't do this. you could get h@xz0r3d).
lo and behold, a picture of a nubile woman baring all her bits for the digital eye. this chicka was awesome on Dimensions we haven't even invented yet. i mean... Rawr.
Naturally, I said: "HOLY SHIT! WHERE THE HELL DID THESE COME FROM? I DON"T KNOW THIS CHICK! I DIDN'T TAKE THESE!"
Normally, finding Pr0n on my compy isn't much of a big deal(and if you know me, you shouldn't excatly be suprised. You try being an ugly, rotound slacker and see how many laydees throw themselves at you), but the problem is that i have No Idea where these came from. It's almost like christmas came early for me except, you know... they're just pictures. Can't really have a relationship with a digital image. I tried that With Lara Croft and Two of the Chicks from Final Fantasy 8, and we didn't exactly work out.
It just disturbs me that i had these pictures for so long, and didn't even know of thier existance. Any really Good stuff are under Lock and Key. These, I found Next to a Recipe For Jack Daniels BBQ Sauce. Hell, I dunno either, GUys. My Best Guess Is that I downloaded them One Night While Reading the FARK threads In a drunken Stupor. Which Brings me to another Point: I drink a lot and Hate my life and by extension, Most likely your Life too. Supposedly, that's my way of saying I love you. You kids, and your insight, I tell ya.
Since i can't Show you the Cool Stuff(And in Deference to the Minority Female Audiance I have), you'll Just Have to Settle for the Recipe. If you Use it, I'd appreciate it if you call it "Livingdead's MysteriouS Porno Sauce", Because that's Just Sexy.
_________
think this recipe must come from jack daniels because everything Ive
seen is similar. NOte: I dont use iquid smoke ever, and I vary
amounts on a couple things
1/2 large onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped (I usually mince small)
2 cups ketchup
1/3 cup vinegar (I use wine, you could use rice or whatever)
1/4 cup worstershire sauce
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 cups molasses
1/2 t pepper
1/2 t salt
1/4 cup tomato paste
tabasco and liquid onion to taste
Bourbon or other alcohol to taste
in a heavy pan, saute onion and garlic in bourbon to minutes or until
translucent. Add other ingredients, bring to boil, simmer uncovered
until reduced and thick. I put this in a pastic ketchup style bottle
(I mail it) and then tie something like a chili pepper scarf or napkin
around the top
JIM BEAM BARBECUE SAUCE (Never tried by me)
2 cups ketchup
1 cup Brown sugar, packed
4 tablespoons worstershire sauce
2 t dry mustard
one cup jim beam, kentucky straight
4 tablespoons cider vinegar
4 tablespoons soy
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
sounds yumm
I also had a recipe for potent pork marinade, but im not sure how that
will come out yet either
Also, I have this recipe for jalapena hot fudge that ive been thinking
about.
__________
Go On, You know you just want to Slather yourself up some ribs dripping with Livingdead's Mysterious Porno Sauce. Just like you All Wanted to try my Mysterious Basement Wine. Suckers.
today's been pretty boring. Mostly consisted of A couple of phone calls and Brushing up on my mad Quake 2 Skillz with bots on maps i've never seen before. it's really nice to have a decent framerate and be able to load huge maps on the fly. What would be even cooler is if we could get a couple more players and have a four player co-op play going on. Me and BrandoCrap Killed a lot of time Saturday night trying to slug through it. with four people, i'm betting we could realy ratchet up the difficulty level and absolutely beat the shit out of the game.
Anywho, digression. to continue yet another theme, I was thinking about this last night when i was Making that Long-ass update about something no one really cares about. I would have tacked it on at the end, but yesterday's update was long enough.
Bittorrent. While it is mostly used to grab ill-gotten gains, you know what would be a really good use for it? The Promotion of Taped Live concerts. This isn't really a new idea as there are some torrents out there for some groups, but by and far, it's still considered low-priority.
Think about this: Think of a kickass Live concert You've been to, Or a Concert by your favorite Band That you heard that played a variation of your favorite song that you have searched high and low for but cannot find on legimate released CD's. Bootlegs are the answer. We even have a great medium to disperse and Share the music.
I have a decent bootleg collection of a couple of my favorite bands, mostly consisting of Counting crows and Nine inch nails. before the advent of BitTorrent, my only recourse was to pay through the nose for a bootleg CD that is nothing but PURE PROFIT for the scammer who got a copy of the recording and burned it to disc. nowadays, if someone's got a copy of it on BT, all i have to do is download it. What a kickass way to promote LEGAL use of filesharing! so why isn't it being done more?
I've kinda ran out of steam on this one, and i think i kinda got away from my point. So, let me put it into a nice math equation:
Live, unreleased Concerts on BitTorrent+lots of peers Sharing Said content=Enriching the Lives of Music Lovers Legally.
blah. wow, two updates of half-assed content instead of the usual dreck. Hold on.
I hate my life. it sucks more than ever. i'm going to destroy you all for fucking me over.
there. Best of both worlds, for those of you that come here for that kind of thing.
Yes, i know you read my rant about how it is the pinnacle of Cinema, but this is a sort of a rant insipired by it.
Movie soundtracks, at one time, were a kickass addition to the Music Collection. nowadays, most of them seem shoveled out and half-baked. Now, there are exceptions, mind you, but i consider myself spoiled by the fact that i grew up in a time when The Crow soundtrack came out, and it is widely considered a "soundtrack done right", and a well-revered representive of The music scene at that point in time.
every once in a while, a riff, or a snippet of a song played in a movie will catch my ear, and i begin to go into a frenzy in an attempt to find that awesome track that i want. I spent 20 bucks back in 1998 to get the blade soundtrack. For my tastes, it was utter dreck: shitty rap music. I eventually ended up breaking the disc beyond repair, and i cried a lot of tears over it, obviously. BUT, it had one saving grace: The Confusion Pump Panel Remix by New order, aka "The Blood Rave scene Music". I have a point, i swear.
Cut to today. I have a friend who Bought the Sin city soundtrack. I gave it a listen, not only because of some of the kickass moodsetting music that is on the disc, but becuase i was looking for one particular Track. The Music played in the teaser trailer, or when you buy the movie Tuesday(and you should), the music that plays on the menu Screen on the DVD. i didn't know the name of it, but i would know it if i heard it.
No dice. It is nowhere to be found on the CD.
Luckily, I'm smart enough to take a look for it on this thing called the internet, and I was able to find out that the music in question Is called "Cells", By The Servant. And the Track is available Online Here, or on your better well-known File sharing services. The lyrics don't do much for the song in particular, but goddamn it's a great instrumental.
the whole point in this half-hearted exercise in amateur Journalism, is that there is often Kickass music Used in teasers that often never appears in the movie, and much more shamefully, never appears on the Soundtrack. Examples? Sparklehorse's "it's a wonderful life" used in the teaser for Dawn of the Dead, Never used during the movie. Hell, i couldn't even find a Soundtrack for the movie.
Another Semi-guilty movie is Underworld. Agent Provacateur's single "Red Tape", while not on the Soundtrack, is available on The Original Score Soundtrack. What's the difference, you ask? IN idiot terms, The soundtrack contains all the liscened music, while the Original score Soundtrack Traditionally is the Orcresrated Music that you hear in the background that Music Dorks(and i use the term in the most loving manner possible, Skadoosh and Slowbek) go ga-ga over.
hey.... Here's an idea, Music/Movie industry: How about Making it a double-disc compilation? better Yet, Choose one of those Cool New Disc Formats and Support it By Putting The OST on one side, and the Soundtrack on the Other? Not only would you be Positively Promoting a Format, thereby making way towards a Standardization of either one, but you'd probably make a bit more honest money, Rather than tricking People into buying a CD That dosen't have what they're looking for, thus making them much more likely in the future to download Music due to the feeling that "they got fucked over"?
Hey, you never know, it could work. spend a few bucks more for a Music-packed CD that has music that people are looking for, make some fans of said music they're looking for, and they just might buy a couple more Music CD's of those bands that people are looking for, which means...rising sales, and more money for everyone involved. Goddamn, I should have been a marketing major. that, or i've become completely delusional in my conquest to dominate and/or destroy the world.
While you're at it, if your going to use a song in a movie or a teaser, you should put it on the soundtrack. I'm looking squarely at you, Blade 3. You too, Sin City.
Ideas. I'm full of them. So that one was free. But you should hire me anyway becuase i'm that goddamned cool.
Plus, i need to support my "hookers and coke" habit.
damnit. I can't get my baldur's Gate 2 to work. like any of you care, but i've been reading a lot of frogotten realms lately, and immersing myself back into the world of Dungeons and Dragons.
Yes, i'm a dork. Fuck you. let's move on.
Anyways, so i've been on this kick with FR. Most likely to gear up for my favorite time of the year, October, when Salvatore releases his newest book, which deals directly with two of my favorite characters from the series, Artemis Entreri and Jarlaxle.
Now that i'm thinking of it, October is going to be a kickass month for all kinds of reasons. Nails concert, trips, and the fact that it'll be getting colder again. ohhh, how i love that cold. fat kids aren't built for Summer Weather. and the winter reflects a lot about me anymore, i believe.
anyways, up early this morning cause i gotta go to work. actually made myself breakfast this morning for the first time in what seems forever. usually, i'm not a big fan of breakfast, but i got up way earlier than i needed to, and decided to give it a whirl to see if i still got mad cooking skillz, and i do. though Mrs. Dash and coffee dosen't mix too well, let me tell you.
anyways, got the next couple of days off, and i hear there's happenings going on as well. gonna make the most of them. and if it results in me getting horribly drunk and pulling another stupid-ass, possibly life-threatening stunt, then more power to me, right?
The flames of rebellion burn hotter than ever in me. Three generations strong.
Nothing can, and nothing will quench the firestorm now.
Read/Watch/Listen/Play:
Star of Cursrah, clayton Emery.
Million Dollar Baby, Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, Hillary Swank.
In my mind, a tattered paper hangs on a wall. six words, three of them are crossed out.
AGES
INNOCENCE
LOSS
DESTRUCTION
ASCENSION
RESTORATION
quote of Late:
"things are in forward motion. there is no turning or looking back.
fuck the clutter of the past and everyone in it.
click on erase. hit ok. goodbye."
I have no further comment on that for the time being, but in time, you shall see.
How about this to think about: Anyone else noticing how music is starting to suck less these days? New NIN,Beck, Weezer, and Audioslave singles out that kick ass, and respective albums already out or coming out soon. Hell, even the Mudvayne Single pretty damned cool. I might actually get some cool new cd's that are from this decade. now if only we can get a new Tool CD...
Read/Watch/Listen/Play
Ghost Towns of Southern Illinois, Gleen J Sneed.
Sin City, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba.
1. Mushroomhead-solitaire/unraveling (Biding My Time Until I'm Strong Enough To Fight Back)
2. Nine Inch Nails-Somewhat Damaged (Taste the wealth of hate in me)
3. Disturbed-Down With the Sickness (You've woken up the demon in me)
4. Slipknot-Sic(You can't kill me, cause I'm already inside you)
5. Anthrax-This is not an Exit(Love what I kill, kill what I love)
6. Alice in Chains-Nutshell(No one to cry to No place to call home)
7. A Perfect Circle-Three Libras(you don’t see me at all)
8 Linkin Park-My December(This is me pretending This is all I need)
9. Nine Inch Nails-The Fragile(I was there, too Before everything else I was like you)
10. Staind-Epiphany(But I know I'll do the right thing If the right thing is revealed)
jesus, it was hard enough to pick ten songs that had some half-assed sense of feeding into one another thematically, and i don't think i did that good of a job.
anyways... yeah, if you read nunkie's blog... i basically dicked off sunday and earned the Name < A href="http://www.dict.org/bin/Dict?Form=Dict2&Database=*&Query=scrimshaw>Scrimshaw (don't ask me). Amazingly, this isn't the first game we have made up. if you've ever been witness to the awesomeness that is milkcrate-pokestick, you will see that being the end product of the videogame generation hasn't killed our imagination one iota.
well... i spent about an hour coming up with that list, and i really need to get my FAFSA filled out... so I'm going to slip away for the day. bored? Go get your currency tracked Here.
Okay, i just want to be honest. I didn't come up with this alternative name for the Passon of the Christ, but I love it.
been reading up a little on it, and it seems someone decided to Up and Die before even seeing how it ended. interesting as that is, i want you to take a good look(careful, you may end up spending several hours) in the fark Forums. gauranteed hilarity, kids. and that's not me being insensitive. Just try and not crack a grin.
anyways, since i'm talking about religion, i thought it would be a good way to segue into another Second Coming of a sort. another funny for you, if you can stand that type of thing.
now, to get off the suject of me being a link whore...
i bought a mp3 player, and i can already tell it's the best investment i've ever made, that is if you don't count that time i tried penis implants.
seriously though, it's about the size of my hand, has some built-in memory, and has room for more. Now, i can rock out with all those Portishead Tunes i've wanted to hear in my car. it also gives me a reason not to listen to anyone while i'm at college, becuase i have them in right now and i can't hear a damn thing. Isolation sometimes is a wonderful thing.
Another thing i like about it is that in my own way, i'm disproving the theory that the RIAA has about people who use digital music-that they're thieves with no intention of legally owning the music they steal. let me tell you something, boys and girls, for every Mp3 that i ever downloaded that i didn't own a album for, i was introduced to something i seriously wanted to have the whole album. Digital music is now i heard of ruby oh so long ago, when i had to listen to it over the shitty-ass realplayer back in high school. it's how i learned of Sparklehorse, A Perfect Circle, and oddly enough, it's how i heard of another Ruby album i am drooling over. so, what i'm saying is that i love my MP3 player and the RIAA can kiss my ass, as i'll own the Portishead Album soon enough. nevermind the fact that i'm buying it second-hand. that's neither here not there.
Game Dorks: Heard of the New console called Phantom? go to Penny Arcade and see why Someone is a liar and we'll never see this vaporware P.O.S.
anywho, that's enough for today. i'm gonna go rock out some more and freak out the blood drive nurses.
Confidential To The Lady: I loved your update that took all night.
Confidential to The Lady, Again: What do you want for your B-day?
So, i wanted to go ahead and get an update in now, so all you early risers(read: suckers) have something to read. always thinking of you, dear reader. always.
becuase i need to fill some space here, it's time for...
TWO WORD MOVIE REVIEWS!
Dickie Roberts, former child star: Funny Movie.
League of Extraordinary Gentleman: Kinda cool.
Total Recall: Mars=awesome
Johnny Mnemonic: cyborg shemales
and a special treat for the kiddies: For those of you not in the know, Donnie Darko has a creepy ass website that actually enhances your Viewing pleasure of the DVD. check it out(kudos to Ba'alzamon for showing this to me while he was home the other night).
I got this link that i've been wanting to share for awhile now, and to be quite honest, i dunno what the hell took me so long to put it up. I do have a caveat about it though: it's one of those "fucking hilarious if you get it/sucks ass if you don't" type of sites. That's not me being an elitist snob or anything, honestly. it'll most likely be perma-linked later on today after i get out of Micro. and maybe i'll finally get < A href="http://actsofgord.com/>Acts of Gord up there while i'm at it.
Anywho, with that out of the way, I present to you: 8-bit theater.
in the "Fuck the RIAA" dept: woman countersues the RIAA on charges of racketeering. Rock on!
in somewhat related musical news: i hate groveling like this, but somebody please buy me this DVD!
by the way: we are now offically up to our ass in debt". this is the sound of me not making any implications, just so you know.
PS: as you can see, you can now check out what album to buy if you think some of the lyrics i post are catchy. here's what i wanna know: should i go back and retrolink all the lyrics in past updates? as always, comment below or fire off an email.
So, did anyone hear about the Lion Attack? i sure as hell didn't knwo there was a pet lion right here in Southern Illinois.
in other semi-related news, The furry fuckers want you to know that chickens also have Mad cow disease. nevermind the fact that Chickens and cows ARE IN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANIMAL CLASSES.
Confidential to PETA members: lay off the quaaludes, seriously.
on another rant...
The next car i buy, i'm getting a goddamned CD player. Why, you ask? quite simple: I'm beginning to hate Alice in Chains. now, before you go and start getting pissed off at me, hear me out. I like the song Rooster. i like it a lot. but if i hear it one more time, i'm going to go into a murder frenzy. i've heard it EVERY SINGLE DAY for the last two weeks on my way to school, followed by Numb, by the Backstreet Boys gone Metal. i dunno about other areas in the state, but there's only two good channels around here for my musical tastes... KPNT and WTAO. the point is hard to get becuase it's in St louis, and reception is poor around ehre, and TAO... well.. they're the ones that i'm currently pissy about with the whole Alice in Chains thing. Ever since they've been run by clearChannel, they've really gone downhill. apologies to anyone that works at TAO for saying that, but it's true.
anyways, i'm gonna grab a nap before i hit the work circuit. here's something to chew on, by a rather funny fellow. A link to the rest of his site, if you're so inclined.
I need a Beer,
mdame
Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?
And the angel said unto me, These are the cries of the carrots
The cries of the carrots!
You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them
it is the holocaust.
gonna get a little political on your consumer asses today. be warned.
I've talked once before about the RIAA and thier parasitic way of life, what with suing thier customers and all becuase they cannot adapt to new technologies, paying those under RIAA labels shitty royalties and whatnot.
The Last time I simply said "fuck the RIAA, buy a used CD." to me, it's a nice, legal way to say "fuck you" without resorting to burning CD's(which i can't do anyways on this shitty computer) off of your friends. which is not to say i'm not above that, but when i can, i prefer to get the actual CD, just in case any RIAA cops happen across this page. speaking of which:
confidential to RIAA police: Go ahead and raid me. i have legal orginals for everything you will find on my compy, fuckers.
anyways, i'm not going to pretend that you can buy a used cd for everything you like. sometimes, it's nigh fucking impossible just to find a CD, period. so what do you do? you know not everyone's under the umbrella of the leech, but how do you tell who is and who isn't?
friends, i am here to help you harness the power of the internet with that very quandry.
as you will find perma-linked on my website from now on till the end of time, a link to help you find out whether or not the dollars you spend on that shiny New Cd you're wanting to buy will be used to keep those litigious fuckers on life support.
I'll tell ya, since i've not been sleeping well the last couple of days, i've been using it to find out a lot about my CD collection. if nothing else, it's interesting for that, but it sure helped me judge whether or not my used purchases of Audioslave and Flood were sound investments. and at ten bucks for the pair, I'm not complaining.
Use it well, soldier.
mdame
Well I've been watchin'
While you’ve been coughin'
I’ve been drinking life
While you’ve been nauseous
The ongoing misadventures of a late 20's 30 year old male still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Suggestions, hate mail, wedding proposals, and naked pictures of hot women can be sent here.
