This is, at this point in my life, the hardest thing I have ever tried to write. I don't really know where to begin with this other than to preface it with that.
That, and I don't expect this to change your opinion about me. I have no reason to think you'll ever see this, but one day, you might. maybe it can explain one or two things as to why I did what I did. Maybe you won't think so horribly of me in time. I don't expect this to make a lot of sense right away to anyone, ever.
I always thought that love is earned, never given. and that sometimes you may have to suffer for it. I like to think I was good at that - suffering well, to prove I was worthy of the sweetest fruit.
But I'm not worthy anymore.
I've become unfit to champion that cause.
I've been a lot like a child who is acting out: Any kind of attention is better than no attention. it seemed to be the only way I could get you to respond with any sense of passion with me. it wasn't the good kind of attention that I once had, but it was _something_. most other times I wouldn't hear a peep from you and that really bothered me because I thought I had meant something to you. I tend to not recognize the effects that time has on relationships because I spend so much time trying to fight to keep it alive. I'm also very particular. I didn't want some half-assed, quasi-state where there was no clear future, I wanted the former glories. I wanted that day in my room where you first said the three words that changed everything.
after all this time I still held hope that one day, I could come thundering back to Rockford, back to you, and to a life where I was no longer ignored or alone. I thought that was what I had moved up there for - to close the distance between us, to be together once more, unfettered by our responsibilities down here.
but that didn't happen. there were laid out by someone who effectively controlled our relationship who didn't like me because I wanted to do something special for you. there, the seeds of resentment found a perch.
I think we were still able to be saved, even after that long February night where I did nothing but fuck up with you. I didn't show it, I know. the fighting became worse and worse. something inside me was feeding my insecurities and I lost sight of things and lost it with the constant "can we please talk this over?" and "please come over" texts, once you got a car.
after you broke up with me in April, I hoped you would stop me from leaving after my lease was up. I hoped you would say "No, don't go. things are bad right now, but give it time, it can happen." I wanted my moving up there to have mattered enough that maybe... fuck. I dunno. I wanted it to matter enough that it would have saved us somehow. it didn't. I spent the last two months up there just wanting to crawl into the shower and open a vein. I felt that much of a failure and felt that I mattered that little anymore.
and I still felt like it too, when I did come home, by the muted goodbye you gave me. I left sooner than I even planned. but really... you were done with me and ready to start moving on so it seemed. I started to feed upon my anger and resentment as I had no other feelings to feed upon. Compassion, Love and other "good" emotions lied to me. hate and rage at least was honest with me.
lines of communication became sparse to non-existent. after several instances of being verbally smacked down by you for stupid shit I said... I watched. I watched like I did before when I was up there and you weren't there, wanting so much to figure out the puzzle that was you. wanting to keep some kind of connection to you. needing to know how you were doing. hoping, still, that you'd say "come back". I hoped the very same thing when I came back up there nearly a year later. I hoped, once again, that what you once said was true - that at the core, there was still a chance.
all this time. you seemed to be doing just a little bit better and better with each passing day. and there was the problem. when you were down here, I had purpose. I was needed. if I was not needed, then there was no reason for someone who's life was getting better and better without me in it to ever want me back, especially if mine was growing more dim with the very same passing days. and that, they were. I went on a long trip out west to the ocean once more to try to forget the present, only to take home memories of how this would be so much better with you in my arms, watching the sun set over the bay, breathing in the cool sea air. I was missing you, still. there was no denying that.
this long and as im sure, most likely pointless recap bring to question Why?Why did I lash out once more? What made me bring the daggers out and start stabbing you?
Because you're happy without me, and I hate everything about this life without you.
nothing excuses the way I have acted the last few days, and there's no apology I can type, write or say that that you'll believe that makes up for what I've done at this point, the only path I can take now is to accept this and stay out of your life. for good. I really hate the fact it came to this, but I have no one to blame but me.
So, do what you must to keep me out.
I don't have to wish you luck - you'll make your own. you've survived a everything life has thrown at you it is, and you have good people you can count on. you're going be fine.
Well, here we are. lots of spelling errors. i don't care. raw and uncompromising, as it were.
I have been trying to hold myself up and pretend that things, while not in the best place that i can hope for, have been generally okay and that i'm surviving, and making do with what i got.
they aren't. I'm not. and I'm not.
this is where the veneer of superficiality fails horribly. this is where i stop being tough for the sake of saving face happens.
i'm almost 30. i have no job, which means i have no income, which means I am behind on bills. considering thae fact that i made do with what i had up in Rockford(where i didn't have much, but i had something, and i was finally making it on my own), this is a huge blow to where i am now.
i hate where i am at. especially since i can't even afford where i am now, which is suppposed to be cheaper than what i was paying up there. I'm behind on my bills, and i'm looking at the very real fact that i'm gonna have to move back home with moms and gma. I shouldn't be too concerned with that, i know. because i'm suppose to be all 'well, if that's how it happens, that's how it goes, right?" well, sorry, i can't buy that.
I'm trying to make a stand where i'm at, and i am failing, evidenced by the fact that my bills are way the fuck behind.
Suprising to me. how i once made do with what i had, and now i seem to be drowning in everything...
what the fuck happened?
I moved for one thing, and one thing only. Everything else - it didn't matter. i would have made do with whatever may come. i craved, I needed this, so badly that i would have thown everything else away for just this one thing that i felt.
And when it, in my mind, didn't come to be, i got doubtful. i got paranoid. maybe rightly so. but i did, and it ignited a chain of events that led me back to here.
And why? because i didn't want to be alone? Probably.
Don't get me wrong. i am grateful to be back in an area where I can make a quick little trip to see all who matter to me. i can't tell you how hard it was to be completely alone up there. and i felt that way so much becuase i didn't have that up there. i was 6 hours from everything i knew, and despite her trying as much as she did, i didn't have her right there with me, telling me everything was gonna be okay and that she loved me. maybe she did try, but i'm greedy and her displays of affection weren't enough for me after all i went through and what i was used to. i was used to being together every chance we got, and had to settle for once a week, if that.
Now, I'm back down here, where i have become a faded mmeory, insignificant to those who i once mattered gratly to. i had so much down here, and i gave it up because this one person mattered more to me than breathing itself. I couldn't stand the time apart from one another. it was the worst Hell i had been through. And i suffered for it, thinking there would be some kind of great payoff at the end.
Did i not wait long enough? was i too impatient? she had to get her life back together up there, and i was an unexpected addition to it and maybe i was too pushy, too demanding, whatever. but i had changed my entire life for her. I changed because she showed me there was more to life than just plodding through mechanically and taking what may come. there was more out there than what i had here.
So i took that chance. i went out into the big bad world and made my stand. i made it as long as i had her by my side. when that failed(and i had my part in helping that along), i got scared and ran home.
and now, i can't seem to handle even the simple idea of getting by down here.
yeah, i know. even though in the whitetext(how many of you fuckers even bothered to check for secret shit back in July? really?) i tried to sound all tough and that this wasn't getting to me as much as it should, it did and more.
I even had the help of the one person i Never wanted to talk to ever again to get me through this. and now i can't even count on her. How sad and weak i have become? i can step back and see who things weren't picturesque between us and yet, i soldered on till the bitter end, and now i'm still all broken up about it. i can't keep lying and say that i'm over her.
I'm not. not in the least.
you can't be over someone and go to bed at night by yourself wishing only for that person to be there with you. listening to them breath slowly into a slumber. you can't be over someone and literally be dying for them to just call, text, or message you, despite whatever might have went wrong in the relationship.
this is gonna make me sound like a complete pussy and jeporadize any chance of moving on and having a realtionship down here with someone, but.... i miss her. Greatly, dearly. Even the bad times, where i didn't think i was being loved enough by my standards. It hurts so much that i can't see any other chances of having a relationship, even when it's staring me right in the face and begging for me to just give in and go for it becuase simply i don't want anything else because it dosen't match up to what was.
At the risk of sounding completely insane to the internet at large, i had a dream back in 03 after i came back from Trinidad and Tobago. The girl I was engaged to broke up with me at the time, and it threw me into a big time slouch. i thougt it was all fnially coming together and then this happened. it hurt so much back then(as did the real breakup that happend a short time later), that i went to bed one night just asking " If this girl isn't going to stick around, and if D is dead, then who is the right person for me? who am i going to end up with so i don't spend the rest of my life alone? Who am i going to find that is goign to be there for me? who am i going to spend the rest of my days with?"
as i slept that night, i dreamt of a girl who i did not know. someone who was not familar to me at all, but i dreamt of so many good things taking place; our first child together, many years of happiness and of places and music i never heard serving as our background.
just us. together. With a girl i ddin't even know.
When i went to her sister's last july, i snuck look a picture of Sparks at her sister's wedding.
It was her. The girl I dreamed of. If i wasn't exactly sure of the realtionship before then, i was then.
you can say that it was just me trying to reconcile who i had at the time with what my ideals were all you want, but as a person who is rather divorced from religion and voert rationalizions(as it were), you won't convince me otherwise. I had found my soulmate after so much time and bullshit. How many other dyed redheads my age do you know haven't had kids and was headstrong that would have brought themselves romantically into my life? i have little faith in anything, but i try believe in my heart and in my dreams, Because if they are lying to me.... who can i believe? Honestly? what would i have left?
and what do i have left? i let it fall apart.
So....how? How do you deal with the fact that i Parted ways wih the woman of my dreams. i let her go without a fight, and she let me go without a fight? If i mattered so much to her and her to me.... why am i back here, broke as fuck, with no job, and no hope for the future?
i'm beginnning to think i cannot handle real life. I am told constantly that i need to live for myself and not for others, but i have a hard time beliving in that. me, by myself and not anything else, is essentially worthless. i don't have that motivation to be a great person or to do wonderful things or to be whatever. i only have that when i am with someone of great importance to me. and idon't have that these days. i don't see a point to do something that benefits me and me only. maybe that's why i have a hard time selling myself at job interviews. I just don't see a point. And i don't see a point in bettering myself just so i make myself a more attractive prospect for maybe someone out there. that's not how it is or what it's about for me.
ti sounds trite and overly cliche, but i am nothing without the other.
And i cannot help but to feel like i have lost my chance at having that happy-go-lucky life with the person that mattered so much to me and i can't help to feel that it wasn't all my fault. Why didn't you fight for me? Did i really end up being like every other guy in your life? Why did you let me go? why does it feel like you got over it the moment i was no longer your Significant Other? DId you really know the hurt i've been through all these years? Am I just crazy and looking for the bad where it does not exist? Was it totally platonic? where you completely honest with me? Do(or did) you love me more than the deepest hurt i ever felt?
How do you deal with knowing that you've lost the person that mattered the most in your life?
Am i so horrible a person that I am not beyond redemption?
Am I not worth a second chance?
am I anything to you, period?
the cooling wind of Fall is here. it used to be a good time of change and promised renewal.
All i do is keep going back to the merry-go-round at the park where i snapped a shot of you in the summer, right before you left to go up there. It's where you were still mine, unquestionably. i wanted to spend last fall with you so badly because it used to be my favorite time of year.
I hate the fall now. all it reminds me is of change and how everything will die soon.
But you still got your words and you got your friends
I heard this song before, but i didn't _hear_ it till it came up one day in winamp, right around the time you nearly broke up with me in February. I remember thinking that it if it's gonna happen, it will be the song i end up leaving Rockford to. I hoped that day would never come.
I guess I should have been more determined, instead of pinning everything on hope. Another one of my faults, I suppose.
I always thought of you as the whistle- so beautiful, filled with hope(there's that word again) in an otherwise droning world.
No spellcheck and misused words, check.
Painful attempt at high metaphorics, check.
Overwrought recap of recent drama, check.
HEY I think I have an update!
I have been remiss in them, that's for sure.
Time has been less than available. feelings, raw. and situtations less than favorable.
The Long short of it is, things fell apart. I made a call, taken steps backward, and have returned to the..ahem..."loving" embrace of southern illinois.
No, i don't want to be here. i didn't want to make this decision. i wanted to stay up there. But i know odds. and they weren't in my favor. we can sit here and dress it up all we want(and i will, i'm sure) but it came down to money(too much to live up there for what i was working for) and instability(hers? mine? who the fuck knows anymore...) and my apparant inability to trust.
you would have lost yours too. So many promises over a lifetime, broken over and over and over again. You get sick of it and begin demanding impossible results that cannot be delivered, Using your own past as a bulwark in the worst way possible. frustration builds,and you become a liability instead of an assest to someone's life. an undesirable option instead of a attractive priority.
And love? you find that even love, that one last thing you believe is, can die, given the right conditions. and you always supply those conditions. you fail it before you even give it an honest chance.
So you return to what you know. You let the light drift out of your life without so much as a fight. And that other emotion slides in oh so easily. There is no hell like an old hell.
So here we are. back in a place I don't want to be, but at least needed, gorging upon that which I have known far too long, pushing all else aside selfishly and without thought and once again, set upon that dark path. one that is hard for anyone to attempt to follow.
The only path i have ever truly known.
honestly, what has changed? is this not what has been predicted and expected of me? how many times can I, if ever, really buck fate? Especially when you look it in the eye and continue to spit upon any and all options presented when you find one small thing here and there that dosen't suit what you see as the ideal? Tch. So what... What do I do? Do I try to muzzle the darkness that screams for control within me, or let go, and allow the beast to finally consume me completely? I do not know which option is more attractive at this point anymore. and honestly, i don't really care. I'm tired. I have done this to death by now. I know this track. I'm armed to the teeth. and I didn't fall or get pushed in. I jumped. Feet first, grinning, screaming at monsters to come forth and taste death becuase I no longer fear, care, or otherwise give a damn what awaits me within because it can no longer kill or take away anymore from me. what's scarier? the horror-laden darkness? or the person who throws himself willingly into it?
Fuck none of this makes any sense. too much metaphor talky. It's awesome when I confuse myself. but hey, at least i updated. i promise i'll do more soon. i'll have the time, at least. i think i have some leftover funny lying around somewhere too. just gotta dig it up and not feel like it's forced.
This is ad libbed from a video game and modifed to suit my tastes for the current.
"Given the choice whether to live within a corrupt and failing empire, or to challenge the fates for another throw, a better throw against one's destiny....What was a man to do? But does one even truly have a choice? One can only match, move by move, the machinations of fate within the illusion of free will....And thus defy the tyrannous stars."
I cannot tell you how much i wanted this to go otherwise.
But time is not our friend these days.
I must make decisions. Ones i wanted to make otherwise, but your continued silence has forced me to make on my own. desisions i never wanted to make. You could have changed it all. and you didn't. did i really matter that little to you? can we really not exist outside of that litle realm we once lived in? Even now, i cannot believe it. It could have went otherwise. But...
things have gome terribly wrong. And i still have questions that i will probably never have answered. god, why? why after so long must i return to this? what did i do that was so wrong? i know i wasn't perfect, but i had my reasons. None of this ever had to come to be.
The plan got fucked up.
the plan. heh. the plan. we always plan but it never comes to be.
couldn't even take the time to tell me that you wouldn't be over.
I am undone. All that i hoped. all that i needed. gone. like so much ashes and dust. like all i have ever known i should be used to this by now
how easy it is for me to slip back into this mode. one i hoped never to have to come to again becuase i thought this time it would be different. so much for thinking. can't believe i thought it would be. after all i done to try.
I moved away for love.
And now....
oh.
and now.
i needed this so much. i needed to believe that it was finally going to go in my favor for once. OH SO FUCKING SAPPY YOU PUSSY ASSED FUCKTARD NOTHING EVER'S GOING TO CHANGE YOU AREN'T MEANT FOR THIS
So what?
what is there left?
Go back to everything you hate?
Reign in hell, rather than serve in heaven?
Aye.
You have no choice. fate has said so. no one cares enough to help you try otherwise. it's your fucking responsibility anyway. you fucking pussy.
imagine that. bested by a vegan faggot. oh, buster. buster, buster, buster.....
oohhh look i'm so different becuase i'm 36 fucking years old and into all kinds of cool indie shit BECAUSE I CAN'T GROW UP AND BE A FUCKING MAN. I HAVE TO HAVE A CADRE OF WOMENS TELLING ME HOW COOL I AM AND YET STILL BE SO FUCKING UNHAPPY. yeah. running home. you fucking won you four-eyed, tie-wearing, i'm so smarter than everyone else 36 GOING ON 16 FUCKHOLE.
you took everything that mattered to me away with your goddamned self-serving, Spoiled little bitch neuroses.
WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU?
you hated me and never even knew me
So fucking unhappy with yourself you gotta wreck other's lives?
I hold you indirectly responsible for this failure,
I have my faults, no doubt. YOU sure as fucking shit didn't make it any easier. why, seriously? WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU?
if you were a real friend, you would have never been like this, making it harder for your "friend". tell me, don't you still have a thing for her? that's the only thing i can come up with that would explain you acting the way you have... yelling at her for me contacting you when you could have easily said no i don't feel comfortable doing that....Getting into an arguement on thanksgiving over the fact that i was moving up here becuase you thought i would be taking her away from you. if you wuld have got to know me you would have seen i wouldn't have done that in any sort of lifetime. ever.
you'll never see this probably, becuase you're the type that would pull that kind of faggotry. as you already have.
God. you really lose out to a some real winners, yea? what makes you think you are worth it? such a whiny pussy can't even take care of yourself. gotta run home, lick your wounds and seethe.
i hate you....i hate you all
I'm gonna fill myself up with so much hatred
and so much rage
no one will ever get in again
no one
As for you.
Southern illinois.
oh. you... such a special place in my fucked up blacked out heart.
you tried to kill me slowly. twenty-plus fucking years you tried with all your fucked up status quo ways. Me and my family.
and you couldn't. we kept on. i held out. I FUCKING SURVIVED YOU PIECES OF SHIT. I'M STILL FUCKING HERE, ASSHOLES. I'M STILL HERE.
Most are all too willing to go out on thier knees, begging.
not me.
my time up here has changed me vastly.
they tried to kill me too, you know... with thier own brand of poison. much stronger. much more potent than you culd ever imagine.
They failed. Just like you did. you and your "oh we're so genteel but really we're just as wicked as anyone else but we're more sly about it" bullshit. I'm calling you the fuck out.
I'm coming back. soon.
So prepare, southern illinois, prepare. Your bastard son is returning, knowing the true meaning of being a Destroyer. and he has grown intolerant of your good 'ol boy faggotry.
I am born again in the fires of vengeance.
Hated.
Retribution.
you're gonna kill me standing on my own two feet, kicking and screaming.
I'm Slacking, I know. I still got one i wanna get set right before I post it.
I went up to Rock Cut last friday, in a bid to get out from four walls that have been slowly closing in on me here. Most of my time spent is "in the city", and I've been craving to escape to a more rural enviroment for a few weeks now. It's not that it's a long drive to get out(especially where i'm at in the city), but it has been finding the time during the day and justifying the hidden expense of going on a drive. So I made up my mind and went.
It was a sorely needed purification ritual, if you want to get existential about it. Helped get my mind ordered and onto a more positive track. Walking among the lake's shoreline, looking out and seeing a couple of tents out there was something I never thought I'd see, especially in march. Hey, call me simple in my amusements.
I didn't stay out too long because of the biting wind, but I did get a few pictures on the mobile. I didn't need too long to set myself right anyway. The adventure of driving out there and back during daytime was half the enjoyment slash refresher for me. Actually being there once I cleared my head made me only think of ther last time I was there, last July. While the reminiscence is nice for a time, I couldn't dwell in it too long, lest I end up undoing all that I had accomplished by going out there in the first place.
Taking a final draught of near-freezing country air, and left to get some sleep. I stayed up way later than i normally should.
Anyway. a couple of pictures beofre I shutdown for the day.
The Fermata; Nicholson Baker. Hellboy: Director's Cut; Ron Perlman, Salma Blair, Jeffery Tambor. Good News for People who Love Bad News; Modest Mouse. Stronghold; Firefly Studios.
Move in went okay. it's definately a bachelor Pad, but things are sort of more or less in thier place. what was packed in the course of 2 days ws unloaded by myself in an hour and a half.
I've noticed I have a bad habit of going to the store to buy stuff, and then get home only to realize I forgot something vitally important, i.e., "oh thank god that's all over wit-OH FUCK I FORGOT TOILET PAPER AND I GOTTA GO!"
I never realized how much TV I watched, even when I don't really watch TV. I turn on the TV only to find I have air channels, and then realize that I won't be seeing Mythbusters or Dirty Jobs for a long, long time. At least I can watch that one show I don't watch(Alex got K-lined? WTF?)... if i can stand all the static.
I managed to survive a week without internets. That was a goddamn feat in itself. I've had some kind of access to the interwbes since I was 14. Again, I never realized how much I use it till I didn't have it. ex.: "Hmm, I don't have a phone book for pizza, I'll look up papa john's on the inter-Oh, wait...." Or a better example: "I need to get directions to get around town, I better pull up google earth and look-oh yeah."
Needless to say, by the time I got hooked back up, I was ready to suck off the ethernet wire that was providing me with sweet internet nutrients in a godawful erotic display of pleasure. So I guess that makes me gay for internet, which makes me subsequentally gay for all of you I think. I hope you're all as scarred by that now as I am for having it in my head.
I hear you all are getting a lot of rain down there. We're getting ice storms. or were. Now it's just bitterly cold and a frozen wasteland of snow covered in ice. Kinda Awesome. Thank god I was smart enough to be fat so I can stay warm. Also, City-folk can't drive in Snow either. My first night up here in a winterstorm, some dumbass was fishtailing in our apt parking lot because it's cool, yo. Also, in another incident in another storm later last week, another dipshit Nearly smashed into me at a redlight, then proceeded to stay on my ass and brighted me till his turnoff. Yeah, sorry dumbfuck, i'm not gonna drive faster in adverse conditions and run the risk of wrecking just so you can get somewhere faster, ESPECIALLY when it's a fucking four lane highway.
Sparks Works a lot, so I'm left to my own devices. Since I don't want to be(or more effectively, can't be) the guy who hangs out at her place of work all day long, that means(especially when I was sans intertubes) I'm bored as fuck. I went and beat Neverwinter Nights finally, since I wasn't distracted by the addiction that is Warcraft.
This is really fucking disjointed and I apologize. Also, I wish I had cooler stories, but I've pretty much hung around the apartment and the immediate area for the time being. so nothing mind-blowingly-fucking awesome, yet.
Basically, everything's fine for the time being. I'll shit out another one when I get something awesome to talk about. Or get really really bored.
Confidentals:
Mette: Where the hell have you been? You need to come back to Rockford now that i'm here. on TnT: Speyside is where I stayed on Tobago, at the Blue Waters Inn nearby. Great snorkeling and it's not too populated. On trinidad I stayed at a Bird Sanctuary about 30-40 minutes from Arima. It was nice, but I hate birds. I'd Skip Trinidad altogether and go straight to Tobago unless you're gonna stay in Port-of-Spain(and i can't help you there, since the most I saw of it was going to and from the airport) If you do stay in Trinidad, boil your water before you drink it if the place you're at dosen't provide you with any drinking water. Tobago's Water is fine. Hope this helps. shoot me a msg if you got anything specific you need to know.
Cybrpunk: Yes, I'm in NoIL. now stop Makeing up seseless Acronyms and get backto writing Zombie Sotires for me to feast on ;)
Tman: Updated. your turn. try to crank one out before the end of the year.
Brandocrap: You too.
Sassy Boy: Consider it done. Get ahold of me and we shall talk about possible nipplings.
This is it. The party's over. The bags are packed. Months of anxiety, nailbiting, and worry. All about to be over with. Bittersweet, Almost.
Today I start a march of war on the north. All that is left is questions.
Will I find what I have been looking for? Will everything end up okay? Am I going to be throwing some people off the top bunk? Will it possibly change me? Am I running away? Where are all those hopes and promises? is this the age of ascension?
All I know is what I am leaving.
Great friends. The best anyone can hope for.
A past I am neither proud nor ashamed of.
Ghosts.
A father who dosen't care.
A mother and grandmother who does.
An extended family(K and M being the notable exception) that dosen't even know who I am because I was born one town over.
My true family down south.
A lifestyle.
A culture I never fit into from day one.
Memories of the beginning of a relationship.
And the memories of the the endings of so many more.
So, what's the last bit of wisdom i want to leave you with for a while(I will be back online soon hopefully, I promise you)?
Those of you what are still here in Southern Illinois, Get out while you still can.
To the SoIL expatriates: Continue to be a beacon for those that are still here and trying to get out. Let us know we are not alone. Encourage a much as you can.
So here we go, little boy. Almost the last in line in the Great Christopher Diaspora. No more hiding. No more waiting. Time to be a man. Don't let them change you.
This is the update where I offically basically tell you all what is going down.
I'm moving. After 15 years of trying to find my place here in Southern Illinois, I'm done.
My last day at my current place of employment is nov. 24th. after that, I'm packing up and moving onto... something.
So, as tradition would have it, I must have a going away party. thankfully, I'm going to hold it during thanksfornothinggiving weekend, in the hopes that everyone who is or can be home, will be.
so, here's the dox.
Livingdead's going away/Roast/Birthday/Help me drink the rest of my beer because I can't take it with me party!
When: Saturday, Nov 24
Time: 7:00 p.m. CST. earlier if you help drink all my beer.
Where: Christopher IL. If you decide to help with the beer, it starts earlier at my place. Otherwise, I(we, hopefully) will be at 1 of 4 bars located in town. Your best bet is the S&S, followed by T Street, followed by KC hall, and if i get talked into it, PD's place. can anyone say PUB CRAWL WOOT WOOT?
Who is invited: If you read this, you're probably invited. Like I can kick you out of a public place, but you get the jist of it.
Anwyay, I would love it if you could plan a stop-by or a hang out or something. I would mean a lot to me. Yes, Even you.
If you need additional info, please drop me an email. I'll try to explain as much as I can.
The ongoing misadventures of a late 20's 30 year old male still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Suggestions, hate mail, wedding proposals, and naked pictures of hot women can be sent here.
